Quotes / Inept Mage

Anime and Manga

Barbara: Speaking of awful, I heard a rumor about the new students. It seems one of them isn't of witch blood.
Hannah: Geez, they've been letting in too many commoners recently!
Barbara: I heard the academy's been having financial issues and can't keep operating without accepting non-witches.
Avery: This is the worst.
Barbara: There goes Luna Nova's reputation.
Hannah: What if she can't ride a broom?
Barbara: How absurd! There hasn't been a witch in Luna Nova's entire history who couldn't ride a broom!
Akko: (begins to sweat)

— Little Witch Academia (2017)

Literature

There are eight levels of wizardry on the Disc; after sixteen years Rincewind has failed to achieve even level one. In fact it is the considered opinion of some of his tutors that he is incapable of even achieving level zero, which most normal people are born at; to put it another way, it has been suggested that when Rincewind dies the average occult ability of the human race will actually go up by a fraction.

— Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

One of Rincewind's tutors had said of him that "to call his understanding of magical theory abysmal is to leave no suitable word to describe his grasp of its practice". This had always puzzled him. He objected to the fact that you had to be good at magic to be a wizard. He knew he was a wizard, deep in his head. Being good at magic didn't have anything to do with it. That was just an extra, it didn't actually define somebody.

— Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

"My mother was a witch, but rather mediocre in her way. When she tried to turn a thing to gold, it turned to clay, and when she changed her rivals into fish, all she ever got was mermaids. My father was a wizard, who often cast his spells upon himself, when he was in his cups."

— The Golux, The 13 Clocks by James Thurber

"Look, I love it here, but I'm not going to make it on my own. I just don't know where it comes from. I just don't know where it comes from. Don't you get it? I don't know where it comes from! I do a spell, I don't know if it's going to work or not! You look for the power and it's just there! Me, I never know! I never know if it's going to be there when I need it! It comes and goes and I don't even know why!"

— Josh, The Magicians

Chester: What did you feed that thing?
Monster: Fire rune. But it shouldn't have had that reaction.
Chester: Sometimes I wonder how you ever passed your rune certification.
Monster: We're still alive, aren't we?

— Monster

Tabletop Games

"My exam is coming up soon. If I can light the candle from ten paces without setting my hair on fire, I'm sure I'll pass this time."

— Apprentice Wizard, Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay: Career Compendium - The Ultimate Career Reference

Video Games

"Nobody panic! I know magic! Fireball! Frost bolt! Lightning bolt! Oh... It's still coming! Panic! Everybody panic! We're all gonna die!"

— Mungus Mellow-Meadow, Dawn of the Dragons

Web Animation

Harrison: I have something! Look, and be amazed! [pulls a bunny out of his hat]
David: Harrison, that's incredible!
Harrison: ...Is it? Or is it... [puts the bunny back] Magic? Ta-da!
David: Wh-where'd it go?! Bring it back!
Harrison: Oh... I don't know how. This is kinda why I'm here.

— Camp Camp, "Mascot"

Web Comics

"You should not mistake the reading of words for the casting of a spell. The Khert will show no loyalty to you."

— Duane Adelier, Unsounded, ch.2 p.27

Web Videos

"It actually *worked*!? Since when do her spells work?"

— Eileen the Storyteller, Kid Time Story Time (video here)

Western Animation

"Sloppy work as usual. Lisa’s casting spells at an eighth grade level, you’ve sinned against nature."

—Edna Krabappel to Bart Simpson, The Simpsons

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