Quotes / I'd Tell You, but Then I'd Have to Kill You

Moe: So all the clam fan mail I get asks the same thing: who is really behind the bad guys?
Old Man Lobber: Ah, sure. You wanna know who the last boss is, is that right? That, my friend, is something that you're just gonna have to find out on yer own.
Moe: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we all know that much. But come on... Won't you give us just a little hint?
Old Man Lobber: I reckon I could tell you... But then I'd have to make a soup out of you!

— The Legendary Starfy

Hammond: You ever think of writing a book about your exploits in the line of duty?
O'Neill: I've thought about it. But then I'd have to shoot anyone that actually read it.

— Stargate SG-1, "The Children of The Gods"

Freya: I...hate your secrets, Bernard.

Bernard: Freya. If I were to tell you ...even a little bit about...what you call my secrets... I might be condemning you to death.

— These Are the Damned (1963)

Agatha: How do you people do that?

Smoke Knight: If I told you, we'd have to let you live.

Agatha: What?

Smoke Knight: For a very, very long time.

—Girl Genius

Ocelot: Those are direct orders from the Patriots

Naomi: I mean, it's not like I have a problem with it but... why would you want to do that?

Ocelot: Welcome to Ocelot Shack. You've got questions, I've got bullets.

—The Last Days of FOXHOUND

Ezra: Hey, where are they going?

Zeb: If I told you I'd have to kill you. Oh and I..might just kill ya anyway.

— Star Wars Rebels: Spark of Rebellion

Dervish, please hand the artifact to Hestaby posthaste. Any further speculation into why my employer trusts Hestaby with this matter should be discouraged, lest I have to eat you.

— Schwartzkopf, Shadowrun Storytime

Rain: Is your speed a gift of the gods?
Kabal: I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
Rain: As if you could, Earthrealmer.

—Mortal Kombat 11

---