Quotes: Humans Are Morons

The entire population of Germany can't be wrong twice.
—Old joke

Film — Live-Action

Pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space, 'cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.
— "The Galaxy Song", Monty Python's The Meaning of Life


"I'd all but given up my crusade to rid the world of fools... There are, I found, just too many!"


“It's useless to lecture a human.”
Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."


"The higher that the monkey can climb
The more he shows his tail"
Tom Waits, "Misery Is The River Of The World" - Blood Money.

Stand-Up Comedy

"Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!"

"We live in an amazing world, and it's wasted on the crappiest generation. Just spoiled idiots that don't care. They got their phone... *poking touchpad, groaning* nnnh, it won't.." GIVE IT A SECOND!! It's GOING TO SPACE!!!"
Louis C.K. on The Greatest Generation

“Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.”
Lewis Black, Me of Little Faith

Video Games

"You watched as their civilization was overwhelmed with violence, disease, famine, and Dire Chinchillas. Reflecting on these events led you to an epiphany: people are dumb."
The Sims Medieval opening cinematic

"It is said: to err is human. Hehehe... stupid human."
Pandarian, World of Warcraft: Mists Of Pandaria

Web Original

"As the vampire Kain, the only way in which you are capable of interacting with Blood Omen's human cast by is killing them. This changes when you acquire the Disguise ability, which transforms Kain's sprite into that of a hooded peasant and allows you to solicit voiced audio clips from neutral NPCs. This is only interesting for about ten minutes; you soon discover that the human race hasn't a single god damned thing worth saying. All Nosgoth's menfolk talk like oafish cockneys — "good day to ya!" — and the entire female population consists of drunken prostitutes. The vampire Vorador pointedly refers to Nosgoth's human population as 'the cattle;' the opening to Soul Reaver alludes to Kain's contempt for humanity. After chatting with Blood Omen's townsfolk for any length of time, it is not difficult to see from where such sentiments might have arisen."
Pat R. on Legacy of Kain: Blood Omen

Real Life

"An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men."

"I never knew anyone that examined and deliberated about nonsense who did not believe it before the end of his enquiries.”
David Hume

"The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity."

"It is against stupidity in every shape and form that we have to wage our eternal battle. But how can we wonder at the want of sense on the part of those who have had no advantages, when we see such plentiful absence of that commodity on the part of those who have had all the advantages?"
William Booth

“It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this.”

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

"The only reason laws like those banning smoking on campuses, requiring you to wear seatbelts, and texting while driving is because you guys have proven yourselves too stupid or irresponsible to do it without having to be told."
— A professor from New Hampshire at Colorado State University on the subject of such laws.