Quotes: Humans Are Morons

The entire population of Germany can't be wrong twice.
—Old joke

Fiction

"The higher that the monkey can climb
The more he shows his tail"
Tom Waits, "Misery Is The River Of The World" - Blood Money.

“It's useless to lecture a human.”
Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief

"It was very simple. Only stupid Earth brains like yours would have been fooled."
Cyberman, Doctor Who, "The Moonbase"

"What do you all have for brains? Pudding? Look at you. Why can't I get a decent species? Planet of the pudding-brains!"
Twelfth Doctor, Doctor Who ("Deep Breath")

"I'd all but given up my crusade to rid the world of fools... There are, I found, just too many!"

Pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space, 'cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.
— "The Galaxy Song", Monty Pythons The Meaning Of Life

"You watched as their civilization was overwhelmed with violence, disease, famine, and Dire Chinchillas. Reflecting on these events led you to an epiphany: people are dumb."
The Sims Medieval opening cinematic

"It is said: to err is human. Hehehe... stupid human."
Pandarian, World of Warcraft: Mists Of Pandaria

Alien 1: So this is he — The Reagan? A puny specimen, even for a human. Just like the defilers to worship such a one! Do you suppose ugliness is a virtue to them?
Alien 2: Or stupidity? Have you ever seen eyes so vacant?
— Aliens commenting on Ronald Reagan, Strontium Dog

Council Woman: Are they intelligent?
Peakley: No, but very delicate... We are talking about extremely simple creatures here, Miss. Landing there would cause mass mayhem and planet-wide panic!

"Because all you of Earth are idiots!"

Real Life

"An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men."

"I never knew anyone that examined and deliberated about nonsense who did not believe it before the end of his enquiries.”
David Hume

"The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity."

"It is against stupidity in every shape and form that we have to wage our eternal battle. But how can we wonder at the want of sense on the part of those who have had no advantages, when we see such plentiful absence of that commodity on the part of those who have had all the advantages?"
William Booth

“It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this.”

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."

"Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!"

“Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.”
Lewis Black, Me of Little Faith

"As the vampire Kain, the only way in which you are capable of interacting with Blood Omen's human cast by is killing them. This changes when you acquire the Disguise ability, which transforms Kain's sprite into that of a hooded peasant and allows you to solicit voiced audio clips from neutral NPCs. This is only interesting for about ten minutes; you soon discover that the human race hasn't a single god damned thing worth saying. All Nosgoth's menfolk talk like oafish cockneys — "good day to ya!" — and the entire female population consists of drunken prostitutes. The vampire Vorador pointedly refers to Nosgoth's human population as 'the cattle;' the opening to Soul Reaver alludes to Kain's contempt for humanity. After chatting with Blood Omen's townsfolk for any length of time, it is not difficult to see from where such sentiments might have arisen."
Pat R. on Legacy of Kain: Blood Omen

"Peter Popoff [is] a notorious, alleged faith healer and televangelist prophet. He was famously exposed in 1987 by James Randi who uncovered that he was being informed of believers’ illnesses through a radio receiver in his ear broadcast to him by his staff, based on conversations they had before the service (Popoff had of course led people to believe he was getting messages about their illnesses directly from God). The scandal did drive him into bankruptcy back then, but didn’t stop him from returning to the airwaves more recently to to fleece a new flock who may not be aware of the scandal.

His current scheme is the typical Prosperity Gospel or “pyramid scheme for Jesus” approach: By giving Popoff money you will make God give you ten times as much money back. He is usually seen on late night infomercials where you can call in and order his special package that includes magic salt and water that you sprinkle over your check, a prayer cloth, and anointing oil. He has reportedly made over $23 million dollars on this scheme.

His newsletters to his fans read mostly as a mixture of spam and cheap conspiracy theories and
“I’m going to tell you something, but you must promise to keep it quiet. You have to understand that the ‘elite’; would not be at all happy with me if they knew what I was about to tell you. That’s why we have to tread carefully. You see, while most people are paying attention to the stock market, the banks, brokerages and big institutions have their money somewhere else... what I call the hidden money mountain... All you have to know is the insider’s code (which I’ll tell you) and you could make an extra $6,000 every single month.”

Diagnosis: A living, breathing monument to human naivety and lack of critical thinking skills. Few items around today augur a bleaker future for humanity than the continued media presence of Peter Popoff.
Encyclopedia of American Loons, "OK, this one might be too easy"

"Subway is a cosmic nexus of stupidity."
— A thread title at the Customers Suck forums.

"The only reason laws like those banning smoking on campuses, requiring you to wear seatbelts, and texting while driving is because you guys have proven yourselves too stupid or irresponsible to do it without having to be told."
— A professor from New Hampshire at Colorado State University on the subject of such laws.

"People ask me, 'Brother Hovind, do you think that there's intelligent life on other planets?' I reply, 'No, I taught high school science for 15 years. I don't even think there's much intelligent life on this planet.'"

"Common sense is a sense which is not common to people."
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