"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
"Drink is the curse of the land. It makes you fight with your neighbor. It makes you shoot at your landlord and it makes you miss him."
— Irish Proverb
"Whilst traveling through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. Had to live on food and water for several days."
— W.C. Fields, My Little Chickadee (1940)