Quotes / Duck Season, Rabbit Season

O: Oh I'm sorry, is this a five minute argument, or the full half hour?
M: Ah! (taking out his wallet and paying) Just the five minutes.
O: Just the five minutes. Thank you.
O: Anyway, I did.
M: You most certainly did not!
O: Now let's get one thing quite clear: I most definitely told you!
M: Oh no you didn't!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh no you didn't!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh no you didn't!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh no you didn't!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh no you didn't!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh no you didn't!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: No you DIDN'T!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: No you DIDN'T!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: No you DIDN'T!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh look, this isn't an argument!
[beat]
O: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't!
[beat]
M: It's just contradiction!
O: No it isn't!
M: It IS!
O: It is NOT!
M: You just contradicted me!
O: No I didn't!
M: You DID!
O: No no no!
M: You did just then!
O: Nonsense!
M: [exasperated] Oh, this is futile!!
[beat]
O: No it isn't!
M: Yes it is!
[beat]
M: I came here for a good argument!
O: AH, no you didn't, you came here for an argument!
M: An argument isn't just contradiction.
O: Well! it CAN be!
M: No it can't!
M: An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
O: No it isn't!
M: Yes it is! 'tisn't just contradiction.
O: Look, if I *argue* with you, I must take up a contrary position!
M: Yes but it isn't just saying 'no it isn't'.
O: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't!
O: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't!
O: Yes it is!
M: No it ISN'T! Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says.
O: It is NOT!
M: It is!
O: Not at all!
M: It is!

— Monty Python's Flying Circus, "Argument"

Hank: You know what I hate?
Brent: Big Tobacco? The gun lobby? Roller blades?
Hank: No, no, and kind of. But I was talkin' about things you see in a TV show that would never work in real life. Huh?
Brent: Ah, gotcha. Understood. No need for an example.
Hank: Take Bugs Bunny...
Brent: [sigh] Not the glove thing again?! Look, he leaves the glove up in the air so the opera singer keeps singin'. Then he goes and sends away for some earmuffs—
Hank: No no no, I'm not talkin' about that! That's clearly an example of exaggeration to make a comedic point! I'm talkin about when Daffy keeps sayin', "shoot the rabbit", and Bugs keeps sayin', "shoot the duck", and Daffy keeps sayin', "shoot the rabbit", and Bugs keeps sayin', "shoot the duck", until eventually, Bugs says, "shoot the rabbit", and Daffy says, "shoot the duck", and Daffy gets shot.
Brent: [confused expression] ...This been keepin' you up nights?
Hank: Well, it's just that it would never work!
Brent: Yes it would.
Hank: No it wouldn't!
Brent: Yes it would.
Hank: No it wouldn't!
Brent: No it wouldn't.
Hank: Yes it would, Brent! Stop fightin' me on this!
Brent: All right, then. [goes back to reading his comic book]
[Hank chuckles smugly to himself, then realizes what just happened]

—Corner Gas, "Key to the Future"

Tee-hee-hee! Daffy Duck's animosity towards the Bugs Bunny character is so intense, that he fails to see when Bugs has presented him an opportunity for victory! Instead of... of maintaining an awareness of the words being used, Daffy's rage is so blinding that he that he frames his statements in pure contrariness to Bugs', which results in his getting shot in the face! AHAHA! Had he been less angry, he might have acted on Bugs Bunny saying "Rabbit season," but he too strongly conflated his desire to disagree with his opponent and his desire to defeat him! And it was that very desire to disagree that prevented him from fulfilling his goal of outwitting Bugs Bunny, and in doing so saving himself from harm! The irony is staggering! Ahahahahahahaha!

—Strong Female Protagonist, Patrick's reaction to seeing this trope's title gag for the first time.

Dalek Thay: Identify yourselves!
Cyberman: You will identify first.
Dalek Thay: State your identity!
Cyberman: You will identify first.
Dalek Thay: IDENTIFY!!!
Mickey: (to Rose) It's like Stephen Hawking meets the speaking clock.
Cyberman: ...and illogical. You will modify.
Dalek Thay: Da-leks do not take orders!
Cyberman: You have identified as Daleks.

— Doctor Who, "Doomsday"

Enjoying your life as a cat?
Yes.
Any urinary track problems.
No.
Giving back to the community?
Yes.
Got any strays in trouble?
No.
Still want to take over the world?
Yes. ...Wait no; I meant no, NO! *sob sob sob*

— Salem the Cat, Sabrina the Teenage Witch

Eddie Valiant: Hey, Judge. Doesn't a dying rabbit deserve a last request? [...] I think you want a drink. So, how about it, Judge?
Judge Doom: Well, why not? I don't mind prolonging the execution.
Eddie: Happy trails. [Offers Roger a drink]
Roger Rabbit: No thanks, Eddie. I'm trying to cut down.
Eddie: Drink the drink.
Roger: But I don't want the drink.
Judge Doom: He doesn't want the drink.
Eddie: He does.
Roger: I don't.
Eddie: You do.
Roger: I don't.
Eddie: You do.
Roger: I don't.
Eddie: You do.
Roger: I don't.
Eddie: ... You don't.
Roger: I do.
Eddie: You don't.
Roger: I do.
Eddie: You don't.
Roger: [Snatching drink; annoyed] Listen, when I say I do, that means I do.
[Roger drinks the drink... and explodes, allowing them to escape]

—Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Ultra Boy: "Hold on a minute! If Brainiac says there's a chance you can save Supergirl— Then you aren't going anywhere!"
Bugs Bunny: "Ohhhh, yes, I am."
Ultra Boy: "No, you are not."
Bugs Bunny: "No, I am not!"
Ultra Boy: "Oh, yes you are!"
Bugs Bunny: "Imma gonna stay right here!"
Ultra Boy: "Absolutely not! You're leaving right now!"

— Legion of Super-Heroes/Bugs Bunny Special

Gula: Aced is the traitor!
Aced: No, I’m not!
Invi: Yes, you are!
Aced: No, I’m not!
Ava: No, you are not!
Aced: Yes, I am! (beat) Barnacles!

— Kingdom Hearts X- Back Cover in a nutshell

Josh: Yeah, no, skipping the intro. (pauses)
Mr. Enter: After how mean-spirited that was, I think I need something a little more cheerful. We're not skipping it. (unpauses)
Josh: Uh, yes we are. (pause)
Mr. Enter: No we're not. (unpause)
Josh: Yes we are! (pause)
Mr. Enter: No we're not! (unpause)
Josh: Yes we— ...wait, I see where this is going. You're gonna try and make me do that Looney Tunes gag. Well, nope, I am not falling for it. We're not doing it.
Mr. Enter: ...no we're not.
Josh: Yes we are.
Mr. Enter: No we're not.
Josh: Yes we are!
Mr. Enter: No we're not.
Josh: YES WE ARE, AND THAT'S FINAL! (a sucker is overlayed on top of him)

— Joshscorcher while reviewing "Putting Your Hoof Down" with The Mysterious Mr. Enter^note The episode actually has two of these gags.