The other day, I took a walk because the air was sweet,
And I passed the crusty house of the curmudgeon on my street.
Now, every town has got one, so I'm sure you'll understand,
When I tell you this old bastard is a mean and bitter man.
Now this day, it was special; I was wearing my new hat.
The old curmudgeon saw this and he disapproved of that!
He said, "I've had one just like it for ten years; you ripped me off!
You've got no right to wear a hat like mine, so take it off!"
Now as it happens, I'm a gentleman, so I approached his porch.
I told him, "Great minds think alike, and you have one, of course.
So how 'bout I just tip my hat to you when I come through?"
He reached down for his gun and said, "I'll shoot you if you do!"
And I said: "No one's gonna cry at your funeral.
No one's gonna drink at your wake.
No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye,
'Cause no one's gonna miss you when you're dead!"