Quotes / Broke the Rating Scale

...in all my years of reviewing — from the beginning of the 20th century clear through to the end of the 21st - I never expected to come across an album with such a volative mixture of uncreative melody, embarrassing production and offensive, moronic lyricism that it would physically bust through the bottom of my scale and force my wife to design a graphic for 'ZERO'. After all, how would one go about getting a ZERO on a scale of 1 to 10? Genius that she is, Madonna has figured it out!
Mark Prindle on American Life

On a scale of ethereal from one to ten he looked as if he was on some other scale, probably buried in deep ocean sludge.
Terry Pratchett, from Lords and Ladies

So there you have it. Games so bad we can't review them because our rating scale doesn't have a zero.
Morgan Webb, X-Play

Would you believe that a 30-year-old Pong console attached to a cell phone adapter would work, but a cutting-edge, snarling Jaguar doesn't? There's something wrong here. And you know what? I blew 250 bucks on this thing. So, you know what I did? Bought another one. Yeah, and guess what? It doesn't work, either. So, that's about $450 total I blew on two dead Jaguars. And these things are rare! So when the only two that I can manage to get my hands on just don't work, that leads me to believe that these things MOST DEFINITELY ARE SELF-AWARE. They don't wanna work! You can't make 'em! They just REFUSE to be reviewed! And I've never had that happen. So, The End.
The Angry Video Game Nerd on the Jaguar CD

Even Nintendo Power couldn't get excited about this game, and that was the kind of magazine that could do an 8 page feature on Care Bears Care Quest. Nintendo Power reviewed games the same way Helen Keller masturbated— indiscriminately and with an unbreakable positive spirit. For example, the only criticism they had for Bill Laimbeer's Combat Basketball was that the label came off after a single six hour kiss. Yet when they previewed Socks the Cat Rocks the Hill they panned it. They panned it on the same page as an excited sneak peek at Rex Ronan: Experimental Surgeon, an educational game about lung cancer awareness.

This game officially received the lowest score in the history of Gamespot: a 1.0. And by lowest, I mean it can't go any lower. We don't hand out zeroes, but maybe we should have for Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing.
Alex Navarro, Frightfully Bad Games

Rich: My pick is going to be something unusual. If I had to pick not the Worst of the Worst but the Best... I'm picking Lethal Ninja as the Best of the Worst. But, because that first hour and 10 minutes is so bad, I'm also picking it as the film we destroy.
(everyone recoils as if from an earthquake)
Len Kabasinski : What... just... happened? Is this real life?
Best of the Worst on Lethal Ninja (1992)

All right. Fine. I keep getting letters, I've gotten letters from the beginning, asking me if I would give an episode a zero. I say, no, because that's not really a review. 1 is the end of the scale of awful. 5 is the best of the best. Zero would just be something that didn't even register. Something that didn't exist. Something less than nothing to me.

This is my closure for Lex after all this invested time and effort? An unfinished poor CG fortress collapse in the midst of cheesy dialogue?

0 of 5.
Neal Bailey on Smallville ("Arctic")

if you learn only one thing from all we've written today, make sure it's that giving FATAL a 1/1 Style/Substance rating was an insult to almost every other product on RPG.net that ever got a 1/1.
Jason Sartin of RPG.net, on FATAL.

The worst pay-per-view in years. This was horrible! Horrible! I don't even know what else to say...I should do a Chris Jericho promo and start reading out of a thesaurus—horrible, wretched... appalling... atrocious, insulting... god, this was horrible! This show didn't have a single match above two-and-a-half stars. It had one matchnote  that I gave MINUS. FIVE. STARS!
Bryan Alvarez, on Victory Road '09

This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels.

Since my last report, this employee has hit rock bottom and has started to dig.
— Supposedly from a real employee review.