Quotes: Boomerang Bigot

All Cretans are liars.
Epimenides the Cretan, oldest recorded joke

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    fiction 

Never never never be ashamed you're Jewish, because it's enough that I'm ashamed you're Jewish.

Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He's got his crust all stiff and upper with that Nancy-boy accent. You Englishmen are always so bloody hell, sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks—! (blinks) Oh god, I'm English.
Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer ("Tabula Rasa")

Bellatrix Lestrange: You dare speak his name?! You dare sully it with your filthy halfblood mouth?
Harry Potter: Did you know he's a halfblood? Voldemort? Yeah, his mum was a witch, but his dad was a muggle. Or did he tell you lot he was pureblood?

Carrot: You know the Hooms? The street gang? They initiated their first troll member.
Vimes: What? I thought they went around beating up trolls! I thought that was the whole point!
Carrot: Well, apparently young Calcite likes beating up trolls too.

Years later, when he led a famous league side out to play Celtic, this same corporal, having said his Hail-Mary and fingered his crucifix, instructed his team, "Awright fellas, let's get stuck intae these Papes." There is a lesson in team spirit there, if you think about it.

    real life 

It is the greatest triumph of anti-Semitism that is has brought the Jews to view themselves with anti-Semitic eyes.
Max Nordau in 1986

Which one is actually composed of people interested in the artistry of music, and not northern twats? (I'm allowed to say "northern twats" because I'm from the north—well, my mum was from the north. She's a twat.)
Ben Croshaw on the differences between blur and Oasis

Apparently some people were offended when I kind of called the new Pope a motherfucker yesterday! I am sorry I offended a few of you, but you have to understand that while I respect other people and their faith, but I'm not going be reverent towards an institution which I disagree with on a fundamental level. Also, I was raised catholic so I'm allowed to poke fun if I want to.

Who drafted me as a gay icon? You are looking at the world's greatest homophobe.
Michelle Shocked

I’m sorry for whatever combination of shitty pastors, husband, or economic situation made you decide to sell your moms and all of your queer aunts and uncles out to the people who held up those “AIDS are God’s punishment” fucks.

But my sympathy ends at that point and goes no further.

And fuck it, you owe your non-biological mom one hell of a fruit basket this Christmas.
Cerberus rebuts Heather Barwick's "Dear Gay Community: Your Children Are Hurting"

Who's more racist, white people or black people? Black people, and I'll tell you why — it's because we hate black people, too!
Chris Rock, "Niggas vs. Black People"

I feel repugnance for the critic John Simon, who made it a specialty to attack the way actors look. They can't help how they look, any more than John Simon can help looking like a rat.

Anthony Mackie’s mouth is on a roll! Anthony Mackie’s mouth got him into some shit the other day when he said in an interview with theGrio that Selma got snubbed at the Oscars because people are tired of being bombarded with race. Anthony also said that black guys with dreadlocks shouldn’t be surprised when the police think they’re up to no good and they’re part of the police violence problem. Anthony cried that he was lied to and he was promised that his words were off the record, but theGrio delivered the receipts in the form of video of the interview that proved otherwise. And well, his mouth is back!
Michael K., "Anthony Mackie Thinks A Woman’s Role Is To Make Daddy A Sandwich"

In order for this joke to work, Carlos is taking for granted that we already know something about Mexicans having sex with pigs. Is that a real stereotype? If it is, and we also assume that swine flu comes from pig sex, then yes, those same people might also fuck a donkey and create a donkey flu. I see what he was going for, it just seems like a lot of hoops to jump through in order to create a reality where the line makes sense...where's the joke? That someone fucked an animal? Of course they did! That's what we do here!

The ultimate irony of gay liberation is that it has made it possible for straight people to create more fluid gender, sexual and social identities, while mainstream gay people salivate over state-sanctioned Tiffany wedding bands...Of course, Christian fundamentalists make no distinction between diesel dykes and Diesel jeans, or, to be more direct — they think all queers are gonna burn in hell, Tiffany or no Tiffany. Every time gay marriage proponents patiently explain to Fundamentalists, 'One, two — we're just like you — three, four — we bash queers more!' the Christian Right gains authority.

"If WM/Afs are something sick and evil, it is only rational that something sick and evil should result. Nothing good can come of pure evil. I am the outcome of all that is evil in the world. I’m pure blackness. I wish me ill."