Quotes: Ass in Ambassador

"A diplomat is one who bravely goes abroad to lie for his country"
— English courtier

"A sincere diplomat is like dry water or wooden iron."

"There's no such thing as the United Nations."
John Bolton, American ambassador to the United Nations

"Annenberg appears at palace and forgets to remove a funny hat (early Chaplin, this); then he is brief on how to begin the long march to the throne. "We start," he is told sternly, "with our left foot." Starting with the right foot, he approaches the Queen. With that graciousness for which she is insufficiently paid, Britannic Majesty asks if he is living at the embassy. Little does she know she is playing right into a Nixon joke. Like many Americans who inherit money and evade school, Annenberg has not an easy way with the President's, much less the Queen's English. At first startled by the difficulty of the question, Annenberg gives a great Bert Lahr Uhhh. Then, laboriously, he constructs the following answer (like all great acts, this one improves with each airing): "We're in the embassy residence, subject, of course, to some of the discomfiture as a result of a need for, uh, elements of refurbishing and rehabilitation." Then a perfectly timed reaction shot of the Queen looking as if a cigar had exploded in her face."
Gore Vidal, "An American Press Lord"

Sisko: As a matter of fact, Curzon Dax used to take perverse pleasure in assigning me to take care of VIP guests.
Bashir Ah. So now you take the same perverse pleasure in doing it to me.
Sisko: Exactly.
Bashir May I ask, sir, when you graduated from this sort of assignment?
Sisko: The day I hit one of the guests.
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "The Forsaken"

"You're not here to change things! You're here to gain respect, according to their culture, and to demonstrate that they should throw in with the New Republic."
Tomer Darpin to Wedge Antilles, who is refusing to follow local customs.

"We must acknowledge once and for all that the purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis."
Spock, Star Trek: "The Mark of Gideon"

"For a guy with diplomatic immunity he's not very diplomatic."
Castle

"Nit-witted ninepins! Bashi-bazouks! A C.D. platenote , so you can do as you like! Certified Diplodocuses, that's what you are!"
Captain Haddock, Tintin, "The Calculus Affair"