She doesn't know why she lives. is a short manga written and illustrated by an artist only known as Anu. It stars 25 year old Izumi Sumi, a part-time retail worker who has hit a big rut. She's depressed, she's anxious, and stuck with a job she absolutely hates. And she has a burning question she desperately wants to know the answer to: "Why am I alive?" And as she goes through the trials of tribulations of day-to-day life, she just might find that answer she so desperately craves...
It was published on April 15, 2018 as one of many stories under the umbrella of the Monthly Comic Zenon anthology, and spans over two volumes, each with incredibly short chapters.
Tropes:
- Ambiguously Gay: Kanade doesn't have a boyfriend, and her borderline flirtatious attitude towards Izumi and intense desire to befriend her doesn't feel strictly platonic.
- Amicable Exes: Not much is known about Izumi's ex-boyfriend, but since their breakup stemmed from her own personal issues as opposed to anything he did, they still get along swimmingly and occasionally hang out together.
- Animal Motif: Cats, which tend to feature prominently as toys or cartoony mascots that are usually only seen around Izumi.
- Birds of a Feather: Despite how different they present themselves: Izumi and Kanade are cut from the same cloth: they both struggle with anxiety and feeling alone around other people, and bond over their insecurities over dinner.
- Cheerful Child: Izumi watches a few at a local park, and seeing the happy-go-lucky attitude of one little girl in particular causes her to aspire to smile the way she does.
- Christmas Episode: One chapter takes place during Christmastime, and sees Izumi trying and failing to muster up cheeriness while wearing a Santa suit for work.
- Death Seeker: While she isn't actively trying to kill herself or otherwise die, Izumi wishes to just die in her sleep out of regret towards the life she allowed to pass her by.
- Delicate and Sickly: Mostly from a mental standpoint: Izumi is crippled by her anxiety and depression to the point that they genuinely make her too sick to function. And when she's bathing, shots of her naked body that aren't used for fanservice highlight just how unnaturally thin and malnourished she looks.
- Desperately Seeking A Purpose In Life: The very question that drives the story: Why is Izumi alive? And can she find any satisfaction and fulfilment in a life that's looking bleaker as the days go by?
- Earn Your Happy Ending: After spending most of her pagetime being crushed by the weight of her anxiety and being driven to tears over her only friend leaving, Izumi and Kanade vow to keep in touch, and Izumi managing to give Kanade the perfect gift is the first sign that things are finally going to get better for her, ending the manga on a happy and hopeful note.
- The Eeyore: Izumi's gloomy pessimism is all-consuming, and the smallest setbacks or social slip-ups on her end will send her into a state of total despair.
- Fanservice: Izumi and Kanade are both quite attractive, and are constantly shown in various states of undress ranging from walking around in their underwear to outright naked. And along with Izumi's semi-frequent butt-shots, Kanade's large breasts are given quite a bit of focus.
- Flashy Protagonists, Bland Extras: Unimportant background characters are given far simpler and cartoonier designs than the more complex and distinctly "anime" designs of Izumi and her friends.
- Growling Gut: Izumi's rumbling stomach forces her to go to the grocery store when she discovers that her fridge is almost empty, leading to her running into Kanade and rekindling their distant friendship. Her stomach growls again in the New Year's chapter as a result of going for a whole day while only eating yogurt.
- Hidden Depths: Under Kanade's outgoing and vivacious extravert demeanor is a woman who is just as anxious and unsure of herself as Izumi.
- Male Gaze: The very first chapter has a close-up of Izumi's naked butt while she's in the bathtub near the end. And throughout the manga, there are plenty more butt shots where that came from.
- Reasonable Authority Figure: Manager Kawakami is very patient and understanding towards Izumi, and happily allows her to take time off from work to recover when she falls ill.
- Shrinking Violet: As if her depression and anxiety weren't crippling enough, Izumi has serious problems with working up the courage just to talk to people.
- Soul-Crushing Desk Job: Izumi used to have one, and the insecurities about her exhaustion and unhappiness in the face of her cheerier co-workers contributed a lot to her heavy depression in the present.
