->''"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. $U(x){psi(x,t)} = i{h-bar}d{psi(x,t)}/dt ({h-bar}^2)/2m{del}^2 {psi (x,t)}$. To be or not to be, that is the question. [[Main/{{Jesus}} Unless ye be converted and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven]]. Moby Dick. [[Music/{{AvrilLavigne}} Now he's a super star, slamming on his guitar, does your pretty face see what he's worth, he was a skater boy she said see you later boy, he wasn't good enough for her]]. ... [[EEqualsMCHammer E=mc^2]]. S=Klogt. Temporal and spatial dimensions are moving relative to one another. Everything should be made simple as possible, but not moreso and Music/{{Eminem}}!"''
-->--'''Elliot [=McGucken=]'''

A philosophy that is so bizarre, rambling, and [[InsaneTrollLogic insane]] that no one in their right mind can understand it. For some reason, {{Conspiracy Theorist}}s hate segues and coherent trains of thought, so none of those here. In their place will be plenty of MeaninglessMeaningfulWords, DelusionsOfEloquence, and {{Perfectly Cromulent Word}}s. May resemble an IceCreamKoan. Compare InsaneTrollLogic.

Maybe the "philosopher" doesn't have the writing skills to express their ideas. Maybe the point is so complicated that it would take several college courses to grasp its meaning. [[HanlonsRazor Or, maybe the philosopher is just]] a [[TalkativeLoon Talkative]] [[TimeCube Loon]].

[[StrawmanPolitical Straw versions of]] {{conspiracy theorist}}s and {{granola girl}}s tend to base their worldviews on these.

When it's the ''narrator'' doing this, see FauxlosophicNarration.
----
!!Examples

[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder:Fanfic]]
* Arguably the whole premise of ''Fanfic/ChaosIsVeryGood'', as it focuses on [[Myth/AztecMythology Ahui]][[WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic zotl]] learning a frankly insane philosophy. How insane is it? Apparently one of the major truths is that the mouth should be used '''exclusively''' as a sexual organ.
* The "philosophical banter" between Twilight and Luna in ''Fanfic/TwilightSparklesAwesomeAdventure'':
--> '''Twilight:''' You think you can change fate?
--> '''Luna:''' WE CHOEST OUR OWNEST DESTNY!
--> '''Twilight:''' Money donít makes you happy.
--> '''Luna:''' BUT EVERTHING ENDEST.
--> '''Twilight:''' If a tree falls down and no one is around does it still makes a sound?
--> '''Luna:''' WHATEST WALKS ON THY FOUR LEGEST IN THOU MORING, ON TWO AT DINNER AND WITH THREE AT NIGHEST?
--> '''Twilight:''' Thereís no try. Do it or not.
--> '''Luna:''' BUT THEREíS ALSO NOTEST SPOONEST.
* The 13 commandments that make up the American cockstitution in ''ThirtyHs''. Among other things, it would appear that time is now a knotted ball, which you can hide anywhere in your body.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Film]]
* ''Film/DontBeAMenaceToSouthCentralWhileDrinkingYourJuiceInTheHood'' had Farraconvict, a parody of the "ex-con turned religious intellectual" trope, whose ramblings go from cliche to odd to just plain gibberish all in a single chain.
* ''Film/ApocalypseNow'': the unnamed reporter played by Dennis Hopper is prone to spirited diatribes of gibberish philosophy, caught up in the magnetism of Kurtz's insanity. A lot of this was improvised by the heavily drugged Hopper.
* ''Film/LoveAndDeath'', Woody Allen's AffectionateParody of Russian literature abuses this one. "Objectivity is subjective!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Literature]]
* In Rabelais' ''GARGANTUA AND PANTAGRUEL'', Pantagruel offers to judge the lawsuit between Lord Kiss___ and Lord Suckfist, which has been going on for years because no one but the litigants has any idea what it is about. After each party gives his "case" in a prolonged stream of non-sequiturs and gibberish, Pantagruel gives "judgement" in another such --- and both litigants announced that they are completely satisfied, an outcome without precedent.
* Vardaman (from the novel ''Literature/AsILayDying''), who is too young to comprehend his mother's passing, repeatedly lapses into this. Because flour and sugar and coffee. Jefferson is farther away than crazy.
* Dr. Hamid Parsani, protagonist of Reza Negarestani's ''{{Cyclonopedia}}'', a text described on the back cover as "At once a horror fiction, a work of speculative theology, a political samizdat and a philosophic grimoire," is perhaps one of our greatest postmodern wordsaladists. For example: "The nemat-space of the ()hole complex reduces the monopolistic holiness of the Creation, the functionality of the ground's economy (which also forms a taxis-trellis pincer to support the Whole), and the hegemony of the Whole. Nemat-space introduces wholeness to Zero without wiping it out. This is the polytics first practiced and exquisitely elaborated by the Persian cult of Kaxuzi..." etc. etc. for 250 pages.
* The Weaver, of ''PerdidoStreetStation'' has an... [[BlueAndOrangeMorality unusual outlook on life]], vaguely connected to an aesthetic opinion. It spouts a steady stream of not-quite-nonsense to anyone in earshot, but no one is any closer to understanding its motives at the end of the book than they are at the beginning. It's basically a non-hostile EldritchAbomination, so that shouldn't be too surprising.
* Judith Butler: "The move from a structuralist account in which capital is understood to structure social relations in relatively homologous ways to a view of hegemony in which power relations are subject to repetition, convergence, and rearticulation brought the question of temporality into the thinking of structure, and marked a shift from a form of Althusserian theory that takes structural totalities as theoretical objects to one in which the insights into the contingent possibility of structure inaugurate a renewed conception of hegemony as bound up with the contingent sites and strategies of the rearticulation of power". From confused matthew.
** In essence, she's saying that a shift in thought from a model of power that works as one whole to a model of power that works as a multitude of different things brought a discussion of time to the table, and moved the theories of power from considering power as an object that only certain people have to an object that everyone has more or less of. Or something.
* In ''Literature/ChildrenOfTheMind'', Peter makes the mistake of instructing the genetically-enhanced prodigy Wang-Mu to pose as a philosopher of a school that uses vague parables of questionable applicability to appear deep. She pretends to go along with it until they actually meet the man they're trying to fool, at which point [[AvertedTrope she busts out a reasonably coherent and well-thought-out bit of political theory]] apparently on the fly. She implies that Peter's assumption that she'd be unable to pose as a "real" political philosopher [[StrawMisogynist is due to her gender or ethnicity or both]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Live Action TV]]
* The Hybrids of ''Series/{{Battlestar Galactica|Reimagined}}'' speak entirely like this, with complicated philosophy mixed with prophecy and ship maintenance.
** And so does [[spoiler: Anders]].
* Reuben on ''Series/ICarly'' talks completely like this, in muddled rhymes and colloquial sayings. Gibby seems to understand fine, but no-one else does. Until Sam makes up something at the end that makes no sense either, and sends Reuben off crying.
* ''Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus'' has its fair share of this trope, most notably with Gavin Millarrrrrrrr in the "How Not To Be Seen" episode.
-->'''Gavin''': Some people have made the mistake of seeing Shunt's work as a load of rubbish about railway timetables, but clever people like me, who talk loudly in restaurants, see this as a deliberate ambiguity, a plea for understanding in a mechanized world. The points are frozen, the beast is dead. What is the difference? What indeed is the point? The point is frozen, the beast is late out of Paddington. The point is taken. If La Fontaine's elk would spurn Tom Jones the engine must be our head, the dining car our oesophagus, the guard's van our left lung, the cattle truck our shins, the first-class compartment the piece of skin at the nape of the neck and the level crossing an electric elk called Simon. The clarity is devastating. But where is the ambiguity? It's over there in a box. Shunt is saying the 8.15 from Gillingham when in reality he means the 8.13 from Gillingham. The train is the same only the time is altered. Ecce homo, ergo elk. La Fontaine knew his sister and knew her bloody well. The point is taken, the beast is moulting, the fluff gets up your nose. The illusion is complete; it is reality, the reality is illusion and the ambiguity is the only truth. But is the truth, as Hitchcock observes, in the box? No there isn't room, the ambiguity has put on weight. The point is taken, the elk is dead, the beast stops at Swindon, Chabrol stops at nothing, I'm having treatment and La Fontaine can get knotted. [[note]]Gavin Millarrrrrr was not talking to Neville Shunt.[[/note]]
* Before Cecily Strong was a Weekend Update anchor on ''SNL'', she was [[https://screen.yahoo.com/girl-wish-hadnt-started-conversation-000000658.html The Girl You Wish You Hadn't Started a Conversation With at a Party]].
-->"There are homeless people out there who canít even pay their mortgages! Is that what George Washington had in mind when he started Ďmerica? Itís like read something, Seth. Learn a book!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Music]]
* A lot (read: all) of [[Music/{{Yes}} Jon Anderson's]] lyrics are like this.
* In the song "Junkie man, tell me what your story is / Out come the wolves" by the punk band {{Rancid}}.
--> "my hand went blind clairvoyant I make love to my trance sister my trance sister went on and my trance parents see from the balcony I looked out on the big field it opens like the cover of an old bible And out come the wolves their paws trampling the snow the asphalt I stand on my head and watch it all go away"
* {{REM}}'s "Life and How to Live it" is doubly this. Not only is the advice rather nonsensical, but it was inspired by a resident of Athens who built two apartments in his house (with him changing apartments as his moods changed) and self-published a rather incoherent and bigoted book of advice.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:New Media]]
* [[http://www.google.com/patents?id=aAuzAAAAEBAJ&printsec=abstract&zoom=4&dq=exalted&as_psra=1&as_psra=1#v=onepage&q=&f=false Elliot McGucken's patent for creating "exalted" videogames.]] This may be the longest, most jaw-dropping rant on the Internet. It is humanly impossible to read this all the way through.
** But if you do attempt to ''skim'' through it, you soon notice that perhaps 0.1% of the text was written by [=McGucken=], and the rest is a text-only dump of threads he started on various forums. The schizophrenic nature of it all is thus simply because it ''was'' actually written by dozens of "authors".
** He's still frelling insane. His replies to people on internet message boards are a combo of quasi-libertarian rantings about George Washington punching business schools in the face or something, and TimeCube-esque oratories on the Great Books helping you become Clint Eastwood and shoot lightning.
* Our entry on TrueArt [[PlayedForLaughs plays this for laughs]].
** Though considerably less so ever since it became an index.
* The ConspiracyTheorist Troper Tales page:
--> ''My dear friend! Thank you for your courage and your energy. As well as just for being you. Speaking of YELLOW (in regards to the pulses of yellow light)I just heard on the radio last night that the new Pantone "color of the year" is Yellow. Last years (or coming to an end) was the color "Blue Iris." Illumi-Nazi Mind Kontrol is everywhere.''
* The [[http://www.elsewhere.org/pomo/ Postmodernism Generator]] randomly generates these whenever you refresh the page.
* The output of the [[http://www.pakin.org/complaint Complaint Letter Generator]] borders on word salad at times:
-->It will give you a new mental map upon which to fix your own position so that you can better deal stiffly with pugnacious Huns who bombard us with an endless array of hate literature. Although my approach may appear a bit pedantic, by setting some generative point of view against a structural-taxonomical point of view or vice versa, I intend to argue that it may not be easy to take steps against the whole unforgiving brotherhood of the worst classes of prolix gauleiters I've ever seen, but it can be done.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Newspaper Comics]]
* Sally from ''ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}}'' was known for declaring random sentences to be 'my new philosophy in life'. For example "Wolves are making a comeback."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Professional Wrestling / Comics]]
* Pro wrestler [[Wrestling/UltimateWarrior the Ultimate Warrior]] was famous for being a TalkativeLoon with NoIndoorVoice who went off at length about his convoluted "philosophy" almost every time he was put in front of a working microphone. The short-lived comic book series he wrote, ''Warrior'', was basically a collection of [[WallOfText multiple page, near-unintelligible essays]] on his point of view - [[FauxlosophicNarration spouted from the narrator and the main characters]]. Besides that, the plot was nonexistent.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Tabletop Games]]
* ''[[http://index.rpg.net/display-entry.phtml?mainid=4345 HYBRID]]'', which can't really be called a Tabletop RPG, is pretty infamous among RPG.Net, which describes the "game" as "unmitigated nonsense." It basically consists of of more than 500 numbered rules presented in a non-sequential order. The rules consist of mathematical equations with undefined variables, allusions to social and political issues, pop culture references, cross references to other rules, to non-existent rules, and to rules in other roleplaying games; misogynistic statements, and much more. It first appeared on USENET newsgroup rec.games.frp.super-heroes as a series of disjointed posts by the author, who is known only as "C" and is currently maintained by Phillipe Tromeur. The version numbers are also non-sequential -- its current version, 0.21, is a later version than version 0.34. RPG.Net ranks this "game" as the ''second'' worst game of all time (the worst being reserved for [[TabletopGame/{{FATAL}} the Game That Shall Not Be Named]]).
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Theatre]]
* Lucky's monologue from ''WaitingForGodot''. See it on the WorldGoneMad page.
* Creator/WilliamShakespeare's self-designed coat of arms bore a PretentiousLatinMotto which translated to "Not Without Right". Rival playwright Ben Jonson parodied this by having a character in his own ''Every Man Out of His Humor'' declare his motto to be "Not Without Mustard'.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Video Games]]
* Everything by [[TheElderScrolls Michael Kirkbride.]] ''Everything.''
* In ''JustForFun/PokemonVietnameseCrystal'', a [[BlindIdiotTranslation very badly translated]] version of ''Pokemon Crystal Version'', some of the strange things that the NPC's say may be this trope. Here's a couple examples:
** THEY [bird Pokemon] WERE FLUTTERING IN THE SKY, MAKING THE SKY MAGNIFICENT. I LET THE WORLDLY PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THEIR GRANDNESS!
** WENT THROUGH THE CAVE JUST NOW, STILL SPIRITFUL.
* The rambling man in Seward Square in [[VideoGame/{{Fallout3}} Fallout 3]] has a worldview that qualifies as this trope.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Web Comics]]
* One of the players in ''Webcomic/DarthsAndDroids'' has such a philosophy... sort of. [[http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0143.html Judge for yourselves.]]
-->'''Anakin:''' So why do you act so... {beat} you know...
-->'''R2-D2:''' [[ChaoticStupid Stupid?]]
-->'''Qui-Gon:''' The way I see it... a character sheet is [[Film/ForrestGump like a box of chocolates...]]
-->'''R2-D2:''' Oh god, here we go again.
-->'''Qui-Gon:''' I mean, it's... You never know [[MurderIsTheBestSolution what you're gonna kill...]] [[HeroicComedicSociopath So why stress over it?]] [[IceCreamKoan The Tao's principle]] is [[ChaoticNeutral spontaneity.]] You know... um... [[RandomNumberGod We play dice with the universe.]]
-->'''Anakin:''' Huh?
-->'''R2-D2:''' Roleplaying is his downtime. He likes to turn his brain ''off''.
-->'''[[CloudCuckooLander Qui-Gon:]]''' [[DeliciousDistraction Chocolate dice!]]
* In ''Webcomic/{{Sinfest}}'', [[http://www.sinfest.net/archive_page.php?comicID=1645 Slick and Squigley, stoned.]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Web Original]]
* ''TimeCube'' by Gene Ray is the universally accepted standard for this trope.
--> My wisdom so antiquates known knowledge, that
--> a psychiatrist examining my behavior, eccentric
--> by his academic single corner knowledge, knows
--> [[CaptainObvious no course other than to judge me schizoprenic]].
* Jaden Smith's infamous {{Twitter}} quips include "How can mirrors be real if our eyes aren't real?", "Trees are never sad look at them once in awhile they're quite beautiful", and "People use to ask me what do you wanna be when you get older and I would say what a stupid question the real question is what am I right now". (Others, like "If newborn babies could speak they would be the most intelligent beings on planet Earth", while factually dubious, can be tied to more realistic and typical philosophical arguments.)
* ''AHDotComTheSeries'' has some recurring characters based on forum trolls whose InsaneTrollLogic was complicated enough to reach this trope. For example, the idea that we should all return to the anarcho-capitalist state of the ancient Irish because public trees are on private land, or that all nuclear technology is a Jewish tribalist hoax and nuclear power plants are actually driven by people's uncles peeling potatoes inside them.
* [[http://goldenmean.info/ Implosion Group's website about Dan Winter- Sacred Geometry & Coherent Emotion, & HeartTuner + BlissTuner]]:
-->''Implosion due to Charge Fractality is the ONLY Cause of Life, of Gravity,and ONLY Cause of ANY System to Emerge from Chaos!''
-->''- Here is Proof ! goldenmean.info/goldenproof < The CLIMAX of our Research.''
-->''What is the possibility that Planck Length x Golden Ratio= The Hydrogen Radii (Winter's new equation) happens by accident? Answer: ZERO!! Einstein's (&modern physics) failure to figure out why an object falls to the ground, directly resulted in the incredible stupidity not to learn what (FRACTAL) field effect CAUSES LIFE -''
* Nearly every time LetsPlay/SirRonLionHeart goes all vampyric, he speaks only in nonsensical prose and even crazier philosophical ramblings. RuleOfFunny applies big time, or else viewers would quickly get bored and leave.
--> But be careful not to let the attack become forever [[PerfectlyCromulentWord disfalled]] upon.
--> Please now witness, on a verge of remembrance, {unintelligble} has just been passed.
--> And the order of which thy book will reveal its [[VideoGame/SuperMario64 Power Star]] is on a final stroke.
** And it goes on and on and on.
* This can often feature in LetsPlay/{{Raocow}}'s [[TalkativeLoon ramblings]], and, though he occasionally demonstrates a real intellect, [[NonSequitur most of what he says isn't meant to be taken seriously.]]
-->''Run forward, pixel-man! We must find the world and all it is worth! Whether it be flies or mouths or army ants, we shall gather them all into a giant ball and roll it all over the world, until it gets high enough to encompass even the continents themselves! Run with me, my friend! Simply run, and forget the loss, and all the world it entails! Jumping over the spheres, and squares of oppression, littering the lands in front of us, beside of us, but forget all that is behind us, for there is only the future, and extremely little else! Run with me, my friend! Keep going and run! Run until the antelopes gaze behind our dust trails; 'til the larks, and the ducks in the pond all confuse us for the blur that we are! Run forward, my friend! Run, and forget the shrimps and the shackles and all the pain that the bureaucracy and its friends want us to endure, for we will not endure; for we baked the past into the most delicious cake the world has ever encountered! It will not bring us our end, but our future will bring us more future! Run, my friend, run! [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQFxXLdK7VM&t=6m0s My friend, the pixel-man.]]''
* The SCPFoundation has a parody of this with [[http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-7560-j SCP-7560-J]], a rant by a guy who is basically a cross between Francis Dec and Gene Ray.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Real Life]]
* G. I. Gurdjieff's magnum opus: the three-volume ''All and Everything''.
* [[http://scienceblogs.com/dispatches/2010/03/incomprehensible_comment_of_th.php This comment]] left on a political blog. (As far as anyone can tell, it's a pseudo-scientific SocialDarwinist screed against the idea that white people should support, or mix with, people of other races.) You need to see the entire WallOfText to get the flavor, but here are a few choice bits:
-->''Ignorance of genomics? Thank G_d there have been no mindless regurgitations of Lewontin's Fallacy here as the sight of a grown man reduced the an extended phenotype of the ethnic interests of the Fallacy's inventor would be unbearable for me. Funny thing, when more than one loci is tested, the Fallacy is exposed as just that. Lack of faithism? We cannot be so lucky.''
-->''[[HowDoIUsedTense And should that surprised?]] [[SocialDarwinist The genetic continuity of one's group is a real life interest]], however humble, however unsexy, and the sense of moral superiority and temporary bit of status one is rewarded with for paying lip service to the faithism de jure is not.''
-->''neo-liberalism + cultural Marxism = elite power''
* "The Illusions of Alacrity" by one Y. Serm Clacoxia, quoted [[http://books.google.com/books?id=o8jzWF7rD6oC&pg=PA223&lpg=PA223&dq=y+serm+clacoxia&source=bl&ots=jPDb1xInes&sig=3LJv85c0ay--0K0ujfihAnnDVNE&hl=en&ei=4-ttTL7NCYbWtQPUoNy1Cw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=2&ved=0CBkQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q=y%20serm%20clacoxia&f=false here]] in an essay by Douglas Hofstadter:
-->Thus we act: and perhaps action itself is the Anatole's Curlicue of our era. It is high time to recognize that action, and action alone, will be the agent that transmutes the flowery barrier of unutterability into an arbitrary but sacred iota of purposefulness, which cannot help but penetrate into an otherwise nameless and universally spaghettified lack of meaning, which smears and beclouds the crab-lit hopes of half-beings begging for deliverance from their own private, yet strangely tuberculine mealstroms that begat, and begotten were from, a howling sea of ribosomal plagiarism.
* SÝren Kierkegaard's wonderful sentence: "The self is a relation which relates itself to itself, or it is that in the relation that the relation relates itself to itself; the self is not the relation but that the relation relates itself to itself."--from ''The Sickness Unto Death'', published under the [[PenName pseudonym]] "[[MeaningfulName Anti-]][[{{Anticlimax}} Climacus]]"[[note]]He had published some of his earlier works under the pseudonym "Climacus"[[/note]]. Possibly a StealthParody, especially when one considers Kierkegaard's disdain for Hegel's philosophy as being obscure.
* The writings of Creator/FrancisEDec, even when you get past the insane diction, manages to be a crazy collection of tracts that maintain that we all live in a veritable WorldOfChaos. He says that our brains are not actually in our bodies, but are housed in glass cities on the far side of the moon.
* Emanuel Bronner started a soap company in order to spread his ideas. To this day, the labels on Dr. Bronner's Magic Soap carry an upbeat but decidedly nutty mixture of quotations (from Kipling and Thomas Paine, among others), religious ravings, and straightforward advertising. (Scans of the labels are available [[https://www.drbronner.com/our-story/timeline/read-the-moral-abcs/ here]]. Each quart bottle carries about 4,000 words.)
--> '''[[MemeticMutation Dilute! Dilute! OK!]]'''
* A lot of continental philosophy is accused of this. And pretty much everything post-modern.
** Martin Heidegger is perhaps the Philosopher with the most famously convoluted writing. For the sake of an example his definition of Existence in being and Time is "The Being of those beings who stand open for the openness of Being in which they stand, by standing it."
* An [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXwRgnZ990I interview]] with a Toronto man named Steve Spiros had him give one of these when all he was asked was his name:
-->'''Steve Spiros:''' You know me. Steve Spiros. Easy going? Those who know me, I'm a nobody. You understand? And you can't kill a person with no body. So...why am I afraid? I'm not afraid. I'm afraid of the Boogeyman. Who's the Boogeyman? You figure it out! I'm getting outta here! I'm going back to Waterloo where the vampires hang out!
[[/folder]]

----