->''"EMMETT CAN YOU KEEP IT DOWN I AM READING PROUST!!!!"''

Once upon a time, the obsession known as ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' was and is still a great source of parody around the Internet. Mid-2008, two LJ-ers by the names of saint_renegade and oxymoronassoc went on a RP-ing session that greatly exaggerated the characters of ''Twilight'', especially Edward and Emmett Cullen.

In short, ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' was TurnedUpToEleven.

Icons and approval abounded, and in total five RP-ing sessions were posted, one official batch of icons, and [[FountainOfMemes many, many, many quotes.]]

Can be read [[http://oxymoronassoc.livejournal.com/462027.html here]].
----
!!Tropes:
* ActorAllusion: "NO I DO NOT THINK IT BIG HEADED TO THINK THAT I AM AS HANDSOME AS [[Film/HarryPotter CEDRIC]]. IT IS JUST A FACT OF LIFE"
* AllMenArePerverts[=/=]AllWomenArePrudes: Edward assumes that the kinkier aspects of Emmett and Rosalie's relationship are all Emmett's idea, since Rosalie is "TOO PURE FOR SUCH THINGS."
* AwesomeMccoolname: "WE ARE NAMING OUR KID EMMETTALIE IF WE EVER GET ONE...BOY OR GIRL, THAT'S IT'S NAME. IT'LL KICK THIS KID'S ASS. THE MIDDLE NAME IS GOING TO BE BASEBALL, THOUGH."
* TheAtoner: Edward becomes this whenever he breaks stuff.
* AutoErotica: Edward is horrified to learn that Emmett and Rosalie have had sex in his car.
* TheBeard: Rosalie becomes convinced Bella and Edward are this to each other.
* [[CantHoldHisLiquor Can't Hold Her Liquor]]: Bella apparently. This is likely just Edward overreacting once again.
* {{Canon}}: In ''Midnight Sun'' it turns out the Cullen's really do have family meetings. And Edward says himself in ''Breaking Dawn'' that he had a lot of time to pick up hobbies, since he wasn't involved with anyone.
* CharacterExaggeration: Half - no, ''all'' - of the fun.
** AlternateCharacterInterpretation
* ChivalrousPervert: Emmett when he thinks Edward is raping Bella. "THERE ARE RULES."
* ComedicSociopathy: Edward's tendencies toward stalking...and emotional abuse...and being pissy...
* CreepyChild: Renesmee. Emmett especially is creeped out by her power and the WifeHusbandry.
--> ''DUDE YOUR KID IS LIKE 8 MONTHS OLD AND MAKING GOO-GOO EYES AT THE DOG. I DON'T LIKE IT.''
* DigitalPiracyIsEvil: "THESE PEOPLE HAVE TO FEED THEIR FAMILES YOU KNOW"
* DirtyMindReading: "YOUR MIND CONFUSES ME EMMETT, PLEASE GO BACK TO THINKING ABOUT FOOTBALL...NO! NO EMMETT I SAID FOOTBALL, MY GOODNESS. NO I DO NOT WONDER WHAT [BELLA] LOOKS LIKE NAKED"
* EmoTeen: Edward, to a ludicrous extent.
* EverythingIsBetterWithMonkeys: Subverted when Edward flees to South America to deal with the break-up."VERMIN! LEAVE ME!"
* FamilyUnfriendlyViolence: How Edward sees Emmett's video-game habits.
--> ''"MUST YOU PISTOL WHIP EVERYONE, EMMETT?"''
* FreudianExcuse: "THESE YOUNG WOMEN HAVE OBVIOUSLY HAD A HARD LIFE SO THEY HAD TO SELL THEIR BODIES ON THE STREETS."
* HomemadeSweaterFromHell: Edward knits to get out his aggression.
* IAmAMonster: Word for word when Edward breaks Emmett's stereo and LET HIS CONTROL SLIP. And again when he uses the word "[[PrecisionFStrike dick]]."
* IkeaErotica: "IT SEEMS PRETTY SIMPLE TO ME, EDWARD" "INSERT TAB A INTO SLOT B"
* IntercourseWithYou: "NO EMMETT I DO NOT THINK THAT SONG IS ABOUT COPULATION."
* TheInternetIsForPorn: This too offends Edward.
* IvyLeagueForEveryOne: At least according to Edward.
* JerkJock: Emmett.
* AManIsNotAVirgin: Averted with Edward.
* MurderSimulators: When Emmett changes the music in the Volvo of Justice from Music/{{Nickelback}} to [[Music/FiftyCent 50 Cent]], Edward uses this argument.
* MyGirlIsNotASlut: "NO I DO NOT THINK SHE HAS HAD CARNAL RELATIONS WITH MIKE."
* NeatFreak: Did you know Edward will scrub the grout on the bathroom with a toothbrush?
-->''"THIS IS GROSS, HOW DO YOU WE LIVE LIKE THIS?"''
* NoIndoorVoice: All of Edward's lines ARE IN CAPITALS. Emmett's too.
** Most of the time. Sometimes the lines will revert to normal writing, which just makes it funnier when they go back to screaming at each other.
* NoPeriodsPeriod: Averted. Alice advises Bella on what to do for Edward's sake. And, y'know, ''[[StalkerWithACrush Edward tracks Bella's periods]]''.
* NotSoDifferent: Emmett can rant and throw tantrums just as well as Edward when his buttons are pushed. Especially if sports are involved.
* PrettyFlyForAWhiteGuy: Emmett.
* PunctuatedForEmphasis: JASPER I KNOW YOU ARE LAUGHING. I CAN READ. YOUR. MIND.
* TheQuietOne: Jasper never says anything, though he's just as antagonistic toward Edward as Emmett is.
* RightThroughTheWall: Rosalie is loud just to fuck with Edward's ship-in-a-bottle.
* SensitiveGuyAndManlyMan: Edward and Emmett, obviously.
* SeriousBusiness: Everything is this with Edward. Scrapbooking. Cleaning. Knitting. Everything.
* SexySantaDress: Emmett tries to get Rosalie to wear one.
* ShotgunWedding: "YES, IF JACOB KNOCKED RENESSME UP I WOULD MAKE THEM MARRY POSTHASTE. IT WOULD ONLY BE PROPER."
* SophisticatedAsHell: Given Edward tends to speak primarily in archaic patterns, some of the more casual words stand out a little.
* TheStraightMan: Jasper is this to Emmett.
* StalkerWithACrush: Edward, though that is canon.
* TeamPet: Emmett refers to Jacob as a dog or pet.
* YouNeedToGetLaid: Edward ''really'' needs to get laid. (Though judging by the parts set after ''Breaking Dawn'', it didn't help much.)