->''"If you met me on the street you'd never guess how much I wanted to kill you."''
-->--'''[[SociopathicHero John Cleaver]]'''

Hello, my [[MeaningfulName name]] is [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Wayne_Gacy John]] [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Wayne_Glover Wayne]] [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cleaver_(knife) Cleaver]] and [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial I am not a serial killer]]. However, I find [[SerialKiller serial killers]] to be fascinating. And I also have some similarities to serial killers. Like the fact that I share all three traits of the [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macdonald_triad Macdonald Triad]] like 95% of all other serial killers. I'm also fascinated by death and corpses, but since I'm a skilled mortician that works in the town mortuary what did you expect? I'm also fifteen years old, and I've been diagnosed as a sociopath. And I'm a [[LonersAreFreaks loner]] that has a [[NightmareFuelStationAttendant tough time]] making friends. It almost seems as if [[BecauseDestinySaysSo fate has decided]] that I should become a serial killer. Well ScrewDestiny, [[TitleDrop I am not a serial killer]]!

See also the sequels, ''Literature/MrMonster'' and ''Literature/IDontWantToKillYou'' by the same author, DanWells.
In 2015, a new novella, ''[[http://thedanwells.com/index.php/next-of-kin/ Next of Kin]]'' and the first book of a new trilogy, ''[[http://thedanwells.com/index.php/the-devils-only-friend/ The Devil's Only Friend]]'' were released.

A [[Film/IAmNotASerialKiller film adaptation]], starring [[Film/WhereTheWildThingsAre Max Records]] as John Cleaver and Creator/ChristopherLloyd as Mr. Crowley was released on August 26, 2016.

!!This book has examples of:

* AdultsAreUseless: Played straight in that John is the only one to discover who the serial killer is, averted in that the psychologist is shown to be somewhat helpful. [[spoiler: Double Subverted when this instinct to try to help winds up getting Dr. Neblin killed.]]
* AscendedDemon: John tries to be good. Really.
** More literal in the case of the actual demon, who gave up being one in order to [[spoiler:remain with his wife]] and only went back to killing because [[spoiler: his body was giving out on him]].
* AxCrazy: Specifically averted. John makes a point of explaining that a random murder is different from a serial killing. Although this is ultimately played with, considering that his murderous urges try to make him murder everyone he sees.
* CassandraTruth: John thinks that no one would believe him if he told people the truth that [[spoiler: Bill Crowley turns into a monster and kills people.]]
* DarkerAndEdgier: Compared to ''Literature/{{Dexter}}'' if you can believe it. Most of the comedy in Dexter is replaced by tragedy, Squick, PsychologicalHorror and ParanoiaFuel while what comedy remains is limited to [[DeadpanSnarker snark]] and comedy so black no photons are capable of escaping.
* DeadpanSnarker: So very much. John is deadpan pretty much all the time anyway, and he has an extremely developed sense of humor. Expect him to say something like this at least once every page.
* [[spoiler: DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu]]
* DidYouThinkICantFeel: John gives a speech like this to his mother, accusing her of ignoring his feelings because she thinks of him as a sociopath.
* DisappearedDad: John's father.
* EnemyWithin: John's dark side, the side that wishes to kill everyone. John's rules are there to hide this, but it's always there...
* EvenEvilHasStandards: He stalks, he maims, but patting dogs? Never. (To clarify, John recognizes animal abuse as a trait of sociopathy. Not wanting to hurt any animals, he avoids contact with them.)
* TheFilmOfTheBook: [[http://www.fearfulsymmetry.net/?p=299 Possibly]].
* FreakOut
* GenreShift: The genre shifts from a psychological character study to a [[spoiler: horror/scifi/fantasy thriller]] midway through the story when [[spoiler: it is revealed that the local serial killer John is obsessing over is actually a demon who harvest human body parts]].
** Though the shift is explicitly foreshadowed when in the first quarter of the book, John casually says to the reader [[spoiler: that his sociopathy makes him a demon but NOT like the one he fought.]]
* GrayAndGrayMorality Or BlackAndGrayMorality: A diagnosed sociopath with murderous urges and no capacity for empathy who is nevertheless determined to kill only bad guys, vs a [[spoiler: body-snatching demon that is forced to kill humans in order to survive while remaining fully capable of love and other human emotions.]]
* HeroicSelfDeprecation: To such a degree that it borders on UnreliableNarrator. For example John has much better social skills than he claims in the narration.
* HeroicWillpower: John, being the protagonist of our story, has of course this virtue. No matter how much he wants to kill people, his massive will to be good is just too strong. [[spoiler: Specifically when he's trying not to stab his own mother]].
* HeWhoFightsMonsters: [[spoiler: John does this to try and stop Bill Crowley from continuing to kill.]]
* IDidWhatIHadToDo: When trying to kill a demon, some things must be done, and sacrifices - [[spoiler: John abandoning his rules in order to defeat Crowley]] - must be made...
* LonersAreFreaks: John tries desperately to avert this so he befriends the other loner in the school, Max Bowen. Note that he's not trying to avoid being a freak, he knows that he's a freak and is trying to hide it by avoiding being a loner.
* TheMainCharactersDoEverything: Although the author does give a reason, it's very convenient that John is capable of performing his own autopsies and such.
* MeaningfulName: Subverted. John Wayne Gacy was a famous serial killer, and you might think John Wayne Cleaver is named after him - but you'd be wrong. He's actually named after Creator/JohnWayne the Western actor, just as the actual serial killer was.
** Whether this one was intended or not, there was also an Australian serial killer named John Wayne Glover, which ends up as a much closer phonetic match to Cleaver.
** Crowley's name might also be an allusion to the notorious Aleister Crowley, who claimed to have summoned demons.
* MomentKiller: It was John's fault really [[spoiler: (threatening people with a violent death won't win you any friends)]]; this scene also includes an example of HowMuchDidYouHear. Also an example of...
* MuggingTheMonster:
** Rob Anders to John at the dance.
** Soon after, a more literal example in [[spoiler:the drifter trying to BackStab [[OurDemonsAreDifferent Mr. Crowley]]]].
* NightmareFuelStationAttendant: John
* NothingExcitingEverHappensHere: The first murder is specifically said by the main character to be the most exciting thing he's ever seen happen in Clayton County.
* ParentalSubstitute: John's therapist, Ben Neblin, kinda acts as a replacement for John's absent father. So does Mr. Crowley. [[spoiler:Too bad the latter is also a demon.]]
* PoliceAreUseless: Played straight but justified, John does tell the police but it doesn't turn out well.
* PsychologicalHorror
* ReluctantPsycho: John himself.
* SerialKillerKiller
* SociopathicHero: John is a diagnosed sociopath.
* StalkerWithACrush: John stalks [[spoiler: Brooke Watson]] for most of the book.
** Though it should be noted that he realizes this isn't love or anything resembling it, but rather an irresistible compulsion that he tries desperately to overcome, making this an aversion of StalkingIsLove.
* SuspiciouslySpecificDenial: The title.
* TapOnTheHead: Averted in the first book. John has to strike [[spoiler:Crowley's wife]] several times on the head with a blunt object to get them to stop moving. [[{{Lampshading}} He mentions that it's always easier in the movies]].
* ThisIsMyStory: Most first-person stories carry this trope. It's inevitable really. See the book's blurb above for example.
* ThisIsYourBrainOnEvil
* UrineTrouble: John is a bedwetter, and says he also loses control of his bladder in times of stress. [[spoiler:Like when he sees a demon for the first time.]]
* TheWatson: John's 'friend' Max is really only there to fill in the audience by asking stupid questions.
* WillTheyOrWontThey: Brooke clearly likes John, and John clearly likes her. Hence the stalking.
* [[spoiler: WoobieDestroyerOfWorlds]]: [[spoiler: The Demon.]]
* YouAreGrounded: [[spoiler: John's mother doesn't allow him to participate in embalming any more bodies after John gets too excited examining the body of the second victim of the Clayton Killer]]