History LetsPlay / AScotsmanInEgypt

''[[http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/Scotsman/ A Scotsman in Egypt]]'' is an ''epic'' LetsPlay of ''VideoGame/MedievalIITotalWar'' written by Website/SomethingAwful forum member Jerusalem (of Fanfic/GrandTheftAutoSanAndreasGroveStreet4Life fame), and according to the [[http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/ Let's Play Archive]] it "sets the gold standard for narrative [=LPs=]."

''[[http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/Scotsman/ A Scotsman in Egypt]]'' is an ''epic'' LetsPlay of ''VideoGame/MedievalIITotalWar'' written by Website/SomethingAwful forum member Jerusalem, and according to the [[http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/ Let's Play Archive]] it "sets the gold standard for narrative [=LPs=]."

* AnAesop: played with in-story:
-->"Have ye worked out the point of the tale I told ye yet, mighty Warlord? Even when it seems impossible.... Scotland always overcomes."

* DepravedHomosexual: Duke Puccio of Milan. He even says LieBackAndThinkOfEngland to a handsome English ambassador.

* BraveScot: The amount of Scotsmen who flee from battle over the entire saga is less than a dozen despita facing the likes of Mongols and Vikings. One battle sees a bunch of hastily-recruited farmers holding their own against elite Spanish soldiers and even killing their general.

* MoralDissonance: Justified and repeatedly lampshaded. A lot of time is spent explaining how Aodh reconciles his religious piety and love for his family with [[spoiler:being Scotland's third Spymaster]].

* AFatherToHisMen: King Edward. The reigning Scots in general try to impress this on their potential heirs.

** The Scots, of course. The Mongols pronounce the name as Skot-tish.

* MotherRussiaMakesYouStrong: The Russian troops are incredibly tough. During the Scottish campaign against Novgorod, they find out that the Russians can shrug off wounds that would normally be fatal. One guy takes an axe to the brain, onlyt to stand up and keep fighting! [[spoiler:Too bad Angus is stronger.]]

* NonIndicativeName: Princess Deredere is apparently a total shrew ([[{{Tsundere}} go see what it means in Japanese]]).
* TheNotSoHarmlessPunishment: Nevin "punishes" his half brother Rory by having him married to Princess Deredere. This may not seem like much of a punishment, except for the fact that Deredere is a total shrew.

* StarterVillain: Egypt.

* SuperweaponSurprise: The Mongols were ''not'' expecting the Scots to use [[spoiler:bombards, which had just been invented]], nor were the Russians expecting them to use a [[spoiler:hwacha from a mercenary mongol unit.]]

** Angus the Mauler and Hew Mar as well. Both are hot-tempered men of action, but Angus is more prone to flying off the handle and tearing men's throats out with his teeth, while Hew is significantly more tactical and diplomatic in his dealings... [[NotSoDifferent until the time comes for battle, anyway.]]

* ViolationOfCommonSense: Only someone as much of a gung-ho BloodKnight as Angus the Mauler would decide to invade Russia in the winter, with less than 500 men. Only someone as CrazyAwesome as Angus could [[RefugeInAudacity actually pull it off.]]

* RealityEnsues: In [[http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/Scotsman/chapter52.html Chapter 52,]] [[spoiler:Cassandra, Robert the Elder of Edinburgh's former mistress, tries to talk Robert the Younger into murdering Adam Canmore's family and friend, by blackmailing Robert Senior's memory. He stares at her for a second before hysterically choking her to death with his bare hands.]]

* ViolationOfCommonSense: Angus decides to invade Russia in the winter. With less than 500 men.

%%* DeadpanSnarker:
%%** Edmund.
%%** Duke Puccio as well.
* DecapitationPresentation: When Edward [[spoiler: kills the leader of the Mongols]] he presents the man's head, and then chucks it aside, calling it "shit."

* FreakyFridaySabotage: Scotland cedes the just-conquered city of Baghdad to the Papacy in exchange for a number of favors. At first it seems the Pope got the better end of the deal (even if the city is a lot less willing to convert to Christianity than was advertised), but it very quickly becomes apparent that Scotland came out the winner because they knew about the approaching Mongols, making the impossible defense of the city SomebodyElsesProblem.

* GunsAreWorthless: One army uses handgunners, but the Scots simply wait in a dip where the guns can't reach and fire arrows.
** Averted with the assassins' guns, which prove to be the undoing of [[spoiler: Farquar the Killer.]]

* TheHorde: The Mongols, of course.

* KissingCousins: Aed Canmore marries his cousin Muriel. It causes a bit of a stir, but in fact, they're only related due to the vast family that the Canmore Clan has become through political marriages and adoptions, so not even by blood. And they end up HappilyMarried.

* OldSoldier: Rory and Angus become two of these after a while.

* RealityEnsues: In [[http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/Scotsman/chapter52.html Chap 52,]] [[spoiler:Cassandra, Robert the Elder of Edinburgh's former mistress, tries to talk Robert the Younger into murdering Adam Canmore's family and friend, by blackmailing Robert Senior's memory. He stares at her for a second before hysterically choking her to death with his bare hands.]]

** Earlier in the story, Rory and Angus, who are cousins in King Edward's army.

** Mongols and Timurid generals get this treatment, implying they're speaking their own language among themselves, loaning terms and names such as "Id-War" and his "Hye-landas." Those without a proper grasp of Scottish speak [[YouNoTakeCandle stilted, but understandably.]]

** Micheil flies into one during the Battle of Nicea, after [[spoiler:Dougall]] is killed. [[spoiler:This turns into a subversion, as it gets him killed as well.]] In the same battle, Valsamon Comnenus flies into a rage at the death of his friend, prince Asemopelous, charging blindly to his death.

** Then there's the alternate timeline beginning with [[spoiler:Domnall Canmore's death at the hands of Istok, the slow self-destruction of the Scottish Empire and the plague that nearly finishes it off in time for the Timurids to finish the job. Too bad it was an ''extremly'' long-planned gambit on the Scots' part]].

* BatmanGambit: [[spoiler:Aohd's final gambit is to keep Kirk, Angus and a few others cooped up in Russia, specifically forbidding them to go to war to expand Scotland's borders until they get fed up and go anyway, discovering and dominating a foreign civilization (the Aztecs), just like Edward and Edmund did.]]

%%* TheBerserker:
%%** Both Edward and Domnall have elements of this.
%%** Angus the Mauler is definitely this.

* DreamingOfThingsToCome: Aodh experiences prophetic dreams. Partially justified, in meta terms, as the LP itself shows Aodh picking up this character trait on his unit card.

* GameBreaker: the Scot's Highlanders are pretty much unstoppable. Later on they get [[[spoiler:bombards and a hwacha]], and are ''even more'' unstoppable.

* InstantMessengerPigeon: A few show up to move the plot along (and in one case, a raven), but the most painful case would have to be James Bunnock receiving and sending messages using the ''same bird''.

* KlingonPromotion: Assassins apparently follow this logic, [[spoiler:as Duncan Colison replaces Farkar as the Scots' best assassin.]]

* ManBitesMan: Angus the Mauler kills Voislav Miloslavov by biting his throat out.
* MasterActor: Gille Calline the Balleol

* MotherRussiaMakesYouStrong: The Russian troops are incredibly tough. During the Scottish campaign against Novgorod, they find out that the Russians can shrug off wounds that would normally be fatal. [[spoiler:Too bad Angus is stronger.]]

* NonIndicativeName: Hilariously, Princess Deredere is apparently a total shrew ([[{{Tsundere}} go see what it means in Japanese]]).

** Angus the Mauler and Hew Mar as well.

* RisingEmpire: Scotland

%%* SmugSnake:
%%** Duke Puccio of Milan.
%%** Cassandra also qualifies.

* SuperweaponSurprise: a minor version: the Mongols were ''not'' expecting the Scots to use [[spoiler:bombards]], nor were the Russians expecting themto use a [[spoiler:hwacha from a mercenary mongol unit.]]

** FunetikAksent: Mongols and Timurid generals get this treatment, implying they're speaking their own language among themselves, loaning terms such as "Id-War" and his "Hye-landas." Those without a proper grasp of Scottish speak [[YouNoTakeCandle stilted, but understandably.]]

* WorldOfHam: What with the {{Badass Boast}}s and roaring enthusiam of the Scottish and their enemies, this is hardly surprising.

** Averted with Chaghatai Khan. When Edward Khanmore first rides out against the Mongols, he asks which of them is Genghis Khan. On learning Genghis is dead, he insults and turns his back on them.

* [[spoiler:BittersweetEnding]]: [[spoiler:The Ptolemics secure the entire British isles as their new kingdom, but King Heruben is killed in the final battle with Vortigern. The Ptolemy name is eventually lost to history, but the bloodline survives and spreads throughout Britain. A millennia later, the descendants of the Ptolemy return to their ancestral homeland... with a vengeance]].

-->[[spoiler:'''Angus The Mauler''': "A gah-lah bala to you too, laddie. Jerusalem is Scotland's!".]]

* DefiantToTheEnd: an Egyptian general, captured for information, not only says nothing, but his last insult is to ''fart'' at the enemy.

* [[spoiler:TheHeroDies]]: [[spoiler:Heruben]].

** The Ptolemics want to call the new country "Eng's Land", after their greatest spy, Khu Eng. Khu responds by saying "[[SugarWiki/FunnyMoments Eng-land is a stupid name for a country]]".