Funny / Witse

Witse has quite a few hilarious moments, most of them originating from the main character. Examples include:

• During the pilot episode, "De ommekeer", Witse interviews a pigeon fancier about a large sum of money that went missing. When Witse shows that he knows a thing or two about pigeons as well, we get this exchange.
  Pigeon fancier: I see that you fancy pigeons as well.
  Witse: Yes, I quite like them, when they're properly cooked with some bacon...
• During the second episode of season one, "De bonami", Dimi warns Witse of van Deun's tendency to report any deviations from the rules to the chief commissioner. Witse's response is absolutely hilarious.
  Dimi: You gotta watch out for van Deun... He'll mention every professional error you make to Van de Casteele!
  Witse: He'll be working overtime, if he wants to report even a fraction of the errors I make!
• In the third episode, Witse goes on a rant in front of van Deun and the chief commissioner about a group of businessmen, who killed a junkie to save their own hides. When the chief commissioner asks van Deun if Witse has a tendency to do this more often, van Deun delivers the wisest response anyone in his position could give.
  Witse: Dimi was right... those men will do everything to save their skin, when they're up shit creek without a paddle...
  Witse: All three of them!
  Witse: Van Zeebroek, Bonheure, Vanderbeke... they're all in on it, but no one wants to own up when shit hits the fan!
  Witse: They're sore losers... cowards! SCUM!
  [Witse angrily storms out.]
  Van de Casteele [to van Deun]: Does he always act like that?
  [Van Deun awkwardly clears his throat in response, before leaving the room without saying a word.]
• At the start of the fourth episode "Afscheid", Witse talks about settling into his new life with his latest love interest, Kathleen, leading to this funny exchange.
  Kathleen [in response to Witse's knowledge about local customs]: So I gather that you're settling in all right?
  Witse: Definitely! I'd be the baron of the Sijsjeslaan already, if it weren't for my ongoing battle against the thistles in my front lawn...
  • Later in the episode, Witse is a bit too eager to make use of the chief commissioner's offer to aid him with anything.
    Chief commissioner [after handing Witse a warrant]: If you need anything else, just give me a peep...
    Witse: Now that you mention it... Do you have any spare change for the coffee machine?
• Episode five, "Lieve oudjes", had Witse make a couple of good jabs at the expense of van Deun.
  Dimi: Van Deun is interviewing a potential witness, who saw what happened at the gas station, but the guy's nearly wetting himself out of fright.
  Witse: That's not so strange... Van Deun has that effect on people.
  [Later on.]
  Dimi: We're in luck! Van Deun recognized the perp our witness pointed out straight away!
  Witse: Let me guess... The perp's a distant cousin of him, right?
• Episode six, "Bijklussen", starts with Witse shooting chief commissioner Keysers in a dream he has. Shortly after, Keysers shows up at the station to ask Witse to cooperate on a case with him, prompting the following exchange between Witse and Dimi shortly after.
  Witse: Do you believe dreams can have prophetic properties.
  Dimi: That would depend on the dream, I guess...
  Witse: I shot chief commissioner Keysers last night, only for the garbage truck to put a sudden stop to it.
  Witse: And no more than an hour later, he shows up at the station!
  Witse: Worst of all, I actually felt compelled to shoot him then and there!
  Witse: Now I wonder if it's normal to feel that way...
  Dimi [deadpan]: Sure it is, boss, I'd probably do the same if I were in you shoes...
  [later on in the episode.]
  Dimi: So... How was your night? Commited any more murders in your dreams?
  Witse [grumpily]: don't tempt me, or I'll start commiting one right here and now.
  • Later on in the episode, Witse's neighbour, Walter, swings by to repair a fuse. When he subsequently asks Witse about his profession, Witse spins him a yarn about being a sales representative. Immediately after, Witse gets called about a case and sends Walter packing, but not before Walter sneaks a peak in one of his case files (which contained a rather grim photo of a corpse) and spots Witse's revolver. The look on Walter's face, as he quickly leaves the house, is probably the funniest thing of the entire episode.
    Annie [when Witse visits her for a pint]: The entire neighbourhood must think I'm fearless for inviting you in...
    Witse: What's wrong with me this time?
    Annie: Nothing, except that half the neighbourhood thinks your a revolver-toting gangster after Walter's visit...
    Annie [chuckling]: What did you tell him to make him think that?
• In episode seven, van Deun is having a party because of his 20 years on the force, which is held in Witse and Dimi's office (as it's the largest one of the bunch). When Witse returns the next day (on a Saturday), all of the mess of the party is still there, much to Witse's frustration. His solution to clean up the mess, however, is hilarious.
  Witse [to Dimi]: We're done here for now, but before we go, we should get rid of this mess.
  Dimi: Hey! I'm not gonna clean up after someone else on a Saturday!
  Witse: Who said anything about cleaning? Just dump the stuff in van Deun's office and be rid of it!
  Witse: It's his party, so it's his mess!
• In episode eight, "Een oude zaak", which recalls to Annemie how his neighbour, Walter, helped him with the thistles in his front lawn (and by helping, he meant that Walter did all of the work).
  Annemie [laughingly]: Witse, how could you! Taking advantage of your poor neighbour like that!
  Witse: The guy can't help himself! Helping out is almost a clinical compulsion for him!
  Witse: At least my front lawn is properly rid off weeds and thistles...
  [both of them laugh at situation.]
  • Later in the episode, Dams jokes about a visibly drowsy Witse that he looks like a "wide-awake Witse". Dimi's deadpan response to this comment is one of the more hilarious moments of the episode.
    Dimi [sarcastically to Dams]: Dams, you're a first class comedian...
• In episode ten, "Monica's Passie", Witse gets to deal with a husband who reports his wife missing. His first comment on her truly gives an insight into his stance on married couples.
  Desk sergeant Rita: By the way, Dimi's waiting for you in your office with a man who wants to report his wife missing
  Witse [about the man, under his breath]: Lucky bastard...
  • Later on in the episode, the chief commisionner orders a house search at Witse's place, as a potential suspect used to live there before him. Witse, however, isn't very eager on his house getting searched, as he's still in the midst of moving his stuff (several months after moving in) and his house is one big mess. The chief commisionner then hits the nail on the head.
    Witse: I can't handle a house search this afternoon... I don't have any time!
    Chief commissioner: Forgot to do the dishes, Witse?
  • The house search comes up again shortly after, when Witse complains about van Deun (Who came up with the idea of the house search).
    Witse: I hope van Deun breaks a leg tripping over all of my junk!
• In the first episode of the two-parter "De Tipgever", Witse and van Deun meet up with an old informant, Albain, over a pint, which leads to this (rather) funny exchange.
  Albain: Witse, you look better than you did a year ago.
  Witse: How have you been?
  Albain: I've been doing well... I've got something big lined up for the nearby future. One more job and I'll be wealthy enough to retire!
  Witse [to van Deun]: He's been saying that for ten years now!
  Witse: Are you still in the real estate bussiness?
  Albain: Sure am! Lots of money to earn there as well!
  Witse [jokingly to van Deun]: Back in the days, he sold condo's with a water feature. The feature was that the water was running down the walls!
  • Later in the episode, Witse has to convince a (reluctant) van Deun to give him the case file, so he could study it at home.
    Witse [in response to van Deun's reluctance]: Come on, van Deun! It's not like I'm asking for your daughter's hand or something...