Funny / Three Kingdoms

• Li Ru tries to sow dissent among Yuan Shao's alliance by offering to marry Dong Zhuo's daughter to Sun Quan... without knowing that Sun Quan is nine years old at that point. And even the kid sees right through that plan. After Li Ru's packed off with his tail between his legs, Sun Quan comments, "You know, maybe we should have pretended to accept so Dong Zhuo would drop his guard?"
• Liu Bei, upon being reminded that Lu Bu has betrayed three different men whom he called "father": "I just want to be his friend, not his father!"
• When Zhang Fei suggests that Liu Bei send "the water" to drown Cao Cao's army, mocking Liu Bei's "close as fish and water" relationship with Zhuge Liang, Liu Bei physically yanks him up by the ear. Cue Zhang Fei screaming, "Ow ow ow! Big bro, big bro...!"
• Cao Cao pulls several antics throughout the series.
  • When he's rescuing the emperor from the burnt city of Luoyang, Cao Cao calls for the rest for the horses until noon, but as soon as he finds out the Emperor has passed where Cao Cao thought he was going to stop, Cao Cao orders the men to not rest and keep going. When Xun Yu points to Cao Cao that he just gave an order to rest until noon, Cao Cao replies, "It's noon now because I said so!"
  • Cao Cao's response to Yuan Shu declaring himself emperor is convene a meeting with his advisers for the sole purpose of laughing himself sick at how stupid a move that was. "I nearly died of laughing so hard! What day is it today? Is today Idiot Day?"
    Adviser: Lord Cao, surely with your foresight, you knew of Yuan Shu's ambitions for the throne?
    Cao Cao: Of course I did! What I underestimated was his sheer stupidity!
    • This scene is even funnier if you are Hispanic, because on the Chinese Calendar, Cao Cao says that Idiot Day takes place on the fifth day of the fifth month. On the Western Calendar, that day is Cinco De Mayo.
  • While facing Lü Bu at Xiaopei, Cao Cao attempts to sweet-talk Lü Bu into working for him. Lü Bu seems to seriously consider his proposal, but Chen Gong intervenes by firing an arrow at Cao Cao, making the battle inevitable. After Lü Bu is captured, he pleads to Cao Cao by reminding him of their earlier talk. Cao Cao says "When I said those words, you were in a castle and I was outside it. Now you're a prisoner beneath my steps.", with a huge trolling smile.
  • At Guandu, Cao Cao is heavily outnumbered and calls Yuan Shao for a cup of tea before the battle. They have a long conversation, in which Cao Cao pretends to reminisce about old days, and sue for peace by striking a deal with Yuan Shao, presenting the Emperor as bait. Once Yuan Shao takes the bait, Cao Cao takes everything back... and gives him a huge trollface before running away laughing. Xu You's immediate intuition is that Cao Cao is stalling for time so that his heavy cavalry can pre-position behind the Yuan army, and he orders one of Yuan Shao's sons to meet the expected raid... only for Xu You then to turn around and be blinded by the sun like the rest of the Yuan army, just as planned by Cao Cao. Cue Yuan Shao cursing and shaking his fist at a distance.
  • After Cao Cao takes Xu Shu's mother hostage, Xu Shu is terrified of her fate. He rushes to Xuchang to find Cao Cao grinning at him. Xu Shu asks Cao Cao if his mother is in prison, Cao Cao's answer is "I treat your mother like my own! Would I imprison my own mother?" Cue that smile again...^note Cao Cao was telling the truth: Xu Shu's mother was in perfect condition. His only purpose was to drive Xu Shu away from Liu Bei.
  • Not long after Cao Cao meets Sima Yi, they are coming back to Xuchang from Nanjun in a carriage. Cao Cao has a splitting headache, cannot recognize Sima Yi, and asks him if he will tutor his son Cao Chong after he dies. Soon after, he collapses, seemingly dead. Sima Yi panics, stops the procession, and looks for a doctor. When they return to the carriage, Cao Cao is missing. Sima Yi is about to suffer a nervous breakdown when Cao Cao calls out to him from just a few steps away, in perfect health... and taking a piss outside.
    • It is clear Cao Cao is a huge Troll.
  • When Liu Bei and Cao Cao meeet again at Hanzhong, Liu Bei tells Cao Cao how the entire realm wants to "eat his flesh and sleep in his skin." Cao Cao rebukes, "Flesh eating and skin sleeping? Can't you guys think of anything original?" Even more hilarious is when both leaders promise that if each one of them dies that day, in exactly one year they will make a promise to see each other at their graves. Keep in mind this is supposed to be at the precipice of a decisive battle.
• On top of Zhuge Liang provoking Zhou Yu into deciding for war by citing Cao Cao's interest in the two Qiao sisters (from the novel), he digs in deeper by, after feigned hesitance for fear of a horrible death, warning that Cao Cao will covet them even more if he finds out the relationships^note the elder sister is Sun Ce's widow, and the younger is Zhou Yu's wife, due to Cao Cao's "strange fetish" for other men's concubines and wives...
  • When Lu Su privately chides Zhuge Liang for resorting to this, Zhuge Liang insists out of twelve women in Cao Cao's harem, ten of them had previously been with another man, and his provoking Zhou Yu only "serves him right for not telling me the truth!"^note In Zhuge Liang's view, Zhou Yu had already decided to go to war with Cao Cao. Considering that the next scene has Zhou Yu relating reasons-for-war to Sun Quan, either Zhuge Liang was right or Zhou Yu came up with those reasons fast.
• Sun Quan attempts a winning smile while trying to pacify his mother Lady Wu about scheming to marry his sister to Liu Bei without bothering to informing his mother; she wipes it off his face with a single glare. And that's before she finds out that it's actually a plot to hold Liu Bei hostage in exchange for Jing province^note the news of which Lady Wu fears will preempt any subsequent interest in her daughter... after which she holds court from Sun Quan's throne, with her son reduced to standing before her on her left as if he were one of his own civil officials, and then she proceeds to rail at him and Zhou Yu.
• Zhang Fei, after unsuccessfully trying to persuade Zhuge Liang not to leave Jingzhou, finally gives up on words and shares a knowing look with Guan Yu... after Guan Yu's returning nod, they bodily pick up Zhuge Liang and carry him back to camp.
  • Liu Bei fails pretty badly to keep a straight face at this.
• Sima Yi rolling in his bed after he's tricked into not pursuing the retreating Shu army by a wooden statue of Zhuge Liang, wailing to his son Zhao that, "do you know what people will say? 'A dead Zhuge scared a live Zhongda'! They'll be saying that for centuries!"
  • They did.

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