Funny / There's Something About Mary

  • The entire interrogation scene. The best part is the cops' disturbed reactions to what they consider Ted's blasé attitude to "admitting" that he is a serial killer throughout the scene.
    You son of a're gonna fry. *slams Ted's head repeatedly on the table*
  • "Is that the frank or the beans?"
    • "He was masturbating!"
  • Mary borrowing some of Ted's all-natural hair gel.
  • Everyone's reactions to Ted's little snag. Mary's stepfather instinctively clutches his groin when he sees it.
  • Healy spying on Mary changing:
    Healy: (sees Mary about to take off her bra)Oh-ho-ho yeah...Here comes the money shot!
    (Healy switches to a bigger pair of binoculars and sees a pair of saggy leathery breasts)
    Healy: *shriek* First chink in the armour, Ted!
  • Healy's incredibly un-PC attempt to impress Mary by talking about how he "works with retards".
  • When Ted is telling his story to his shrink, we see he'd gone out for lunch while Ted's back was turned, then managed to con Ted into booking another session by suggesting he might have latent homosexual tendencies.
  • "I get a high from helping all of God's creatures." *smashes a bug*
  • "STAY AWAY FROM THE LIGHT!" "Okay, I'll just get you a regular."
  • "(beat)...What the hell is Brett Favre doing here?"
  • Healy accidentally killing Mary's dog with sedatives and frantically trying to resuscitate it before Mary and Magda get back from the kitchen, including mouth to mouth and using lamp wires as a defibrillator (which then set the poor thing on fire). Healy splashing water on him finally snaps him awake.
    Magda: (gasps to what's offscreen) Oh my god...he's got him wrapped up like a baby!
    Healy: (cuddling a wet Puffer in a blanket) He was a little chilly.
  • Keith David as a One-Scene Wonder playing Mary's stepfather. He first scares Ted with a Scary Black Man act but then gets angry for real when Ted accidentally sets off Warren by going near his ears. Ted tries to match his vocal level, which is a mistake.
    Mary's Dad: Are you yelling at me? Are you yelling at me in my own house? Don't make me up a can of whoop-ass of you!
    • He then comforts Warren while shooting Ted a Death Glare, muttering "Son of a bitch" towards him under his breath. When Ted asks to use the bathroom and walks past Mary's dad, he then shouts "THE BATHROOM IS THAT WAY!", the direction Ted was already headed in.