Is “The Last Jedi” Bad? (Fanboy Court)
- The opening narration in what sounds like the voice of a Honest Trailers narrator is rather hilarious, especially the deadpan tone the narrator uses when talking about how the plaintiff "has some really sick ideas," and how the defendant wants the plaintiff "stripped of his nerd cred and his complete set of Jabba's Palace Kenner Action Figures."
- After the plaintiff accuses The Last Jedi of being a "travesty," the defendant fires back that, "The only travesty was what you did to the toilets at Comic-Con!," prompting the plaintiff to yell, "OKAY, THAT WAS JUST ONE-" before the judge silences him with his gavel equivalent- a camera-ready lightsaber replica that "cost (him) a pretty penny."
- The one thing the plaintiff, the defendant and the judge seem to agree on is "the beautiful cocky bastard" Poe Dameron is "easy on the eyes."
- In order to prove his case that the Canto Bight part of the story was a waste of time, the plaintiff brings up three clips of bad dialogue from that part of the movie... and Anakin's sand rant from Attack of the Clones. When called on it, he sheepishly says, "I guess all the bad lines just blur together."
- Unsurprisingly, the plaintiff isn't happy about Rey's parents being "nobody" and the defendant calls him out on complaining just because the story didn't conform to his theories.Defendant: It's way better than Rey being Luke's long-lost daughter or Obi-wan's great-granddaughter or whatever bullshit you posted on Reddit.
Plaintiff: (nonchalantly) Mon Mothma's cousin. - When the plaintiff protests that the defendant can't discuss his opinions on Episode IX, which hadn't come out yet, the defendant asks if the plaintiff will delete his tweets on how bad Solo looks. The plaintiff whispers "Withdrawn" into the mic.
- When criticizing "The Holdo Maneuver," the plaintiff makes a surprisingly cogent argument about how even movies with fantastical elements must have internal logic, otherwise there are no emotional stakes or reason to care. The defendant then desperately brings up a bunch of theories on why the Holdo Maneuver worked, while the plaintiff smugly looks at the camera.Plaintiff: The fact that you can only give me one-sentence excuses tells me even you don't think the Holdo Maneuver makes sense.
Defendant: THAT'S NOT TRUE! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! - When rendering his verdict, the judge mutters "pause for dramatic effect" twice under his breath.
If Disney Had Facebook: Beauty and the Beast Edition
- The entire double-teaming on the Enchantress by Maleficent and Ursula (with a nice cameo by Belle):Enchantress: Busy weekend! Totally cursed a prince who had no love in his heart. That'll teach him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within. ;)
Maleficent: Wow congratulations, you f***ed up an 11-year-old kid's life for no real reason.
Enchantress: What?! I was totally motivated! The little brat wouldn't let me inside. Did I mention it was raining? Like, it was REALLY coming down.
Ursula: Wow, a child wouldn't let a complete stranger inside their castle. No yeah, HE'S definitely the bad guy.
Enchantress: I'm not sure why you're giving ME shit. You villains are constantly ruining teenagers' lives!
Ursula: Hey, I stole a voice sister. You stole ten years from that boy's life. No wonder he doesn't know how to eat soup out of a bowl...
Maleficent: And what about all those innocent bystanders you turned into coathangers and shit?
Enchantress: Are you talking about the butlers and the cooks? They enabled him!
Maleficent: They were employed by him! What else were they supposed to do?
Belle: She also turned a seven year old into a teacup.
Ursula: WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU? - Dick Richards tricking Bob Netflix into hiring Benioff and Weiss. "Too busy for Star Wars?! (laughs) There's only one person on Earth too busy for Star Wars...Kevin Feige. And even that motherf***er is making a Star Wars!"
Harry Potter: Hogwarts in 2020
- This conversation at the start:Snape: Welcome back to another magical year at Hogwarts. As you're all aware, the Muggle-born COVID pandemic has become so widespread that we in the Wizarding World can no longer ignore it. As such, we are taking a note from the Muggles and moving all our classes online this year. A terrible, terrible inconvenience, I'm aware but we all must find a way to cope.
(Snape brings a large glass to his lips and takes a sip)
Hermione: Oh, what potion is that, Professor?
Snape: A Tequila Sunrise, Miss Granger, a very... advanced concoction. - Snape is very blunt about the truth of the Wizarding World:Neville: Uh, Professor, why can't we just use magic to get rid of the virus?
Snape: Because, Mr. Longbottom, the logic of the Wizarding World is held together by duct tape and begins to unravel at the slightest bit of scrutiny. - Snape muting Draco Malfoy with his admin privileges just before the latter drops an anti-Muggleborn slur.
- When Lisa Turpin questions whether the House Cup can still be held with Quidditch being cancelled under remote learning, everyone (of course excluding the butts of the joke) laughs at Snape's response:Snape: As a Hufflepuff, I really don't think you need to worry too much about the House Cup.
- When Neville causes an explosion with the Confringo spell, Snape comments on how no one ever prepared for protocol for when a student injures themself in class, since they can't go to the Hospital Wing while not at Hogwarts.Snape: I could kill Dumbledore for this.
- When Voldemort Zoom-bombs the class, Snape — who, in case you haven't noticed by this point, is a walking, talking Funny Moment in the video — snarks about it and immediately bends down to find his Sunrise drink.
- Voldemort then proceeds to announce to the entire class to "now prepare to endure pain worse than the Cruciatus Curse"... and starts playing "Tiny Shark". Everyone else immediately covers their ears... with one exception:Ron: I actually kinda like it.
- The absolute dissonance of Snape pulling out a rose gold smartphone to call the Aurors on Voldemort once Harry's found out his IP address.
- Voldemort's complaints after being arrested:"Why didn't I listen to the bloody VPN commercial?"
- The fact that Neville is 'still unconscious and slumped over in front of his computer by the end of the video.
