History Funny / TheSalvationWar

* The absolute anticlimax that is the first angel kill in the story. The story goes all-out in showing what a badass Appoloin/Apollyon is, tossing Memnon like a ragdoll and making a BadassBoast that sends the demon fleeing for his life, and generally setting him up as a bonafide KnightOfCerebus. It's certainly helped by the fact he's named for an Angel of the Abyss. Then he sees Stevenson letting the '[[GagBoobs girls]]' out after being stuck in a tank all day and approaches, calmly telling her to cover herself. Those are his final words before being blasted by a tank shell and torn up by a 25mm machine gun. Even the tank crew's reaction is just kind of "Huh, so this is an angel. Eh, we were coming to kill them too, so whatever."

-->"I can honestly say that Her Majesty's Armed Forces have no covert operations groups stationed [[ExactWords outside]] The Eternal City." Sir [[NamesTheSame Michael Jackson]] sounded positively righteous. Asanee's head snapped around to look at him and one of her eyebrows was raised.

* There's also the British officers talking rather disparagingly of the American "brown, whiskey-like substance"...

** "I can honestly say that Her Majesty's Armed Forces have no covert operations groups stationed [[ExactWords outside]] The Eternal City." Sir [[NamesTheSame Michael Jackson]] sounded positively righteous. Asanee's head snapped around to look at him and one of her eyebrows was raised.

** To add insult to injury, the poor angel ends up taking the blame for the family that Memnon massacred (in reality, he was just enjoying ASpotOfTea [[DissonantSerenity in a very inappropriate place]]). Memnon is, understandably, unwilling to correct this notion when it's brought up later.

* This may be just because JustForFun/TVTropesWillRuinYourLife, but read the description of the huge final battle against YHWH closely. Yes, YHWH and Michael are using their immense psionic lightning powers to perform a BeamOWar, in a [[MohsScaleOfSciFiHardness hard science]] story. The physics of Heaven may be running on RuleOfCool.

* This may be just because TVTropesWillRuinYourLife, but read the description of the huge final battle against YHWH closely. Yes, YHWH and Michael are using their immense psionic lightning powers to perform a BeamOWar, in a [[MohsScaleOfSciFiHardness hard science]] story. The physics of Heaven may be running on RuleOfCool.

* Michael's exploits throughout the book. Booze, heroin, rock 'n' roll, and lesbian angel sex show, anyone?

** "I can honestly say that Her Majesty's Armed Forces have no covert operations groups stationed ''outside'' The Eternal City." Sir [[NamesTheSame Michael Jackson]] sounded positively righteous. Asanee's head snapped around to look at him and one of her eyebrows was raised.

** Oh, does he ''ever'' when ''Pantheocide'' rolls around. Booze, heroin, rock 'n' roll, and lesbian angel sex show, anyone?
** When Michael delivers the news about the war to Yahweh, each incident results in greater and greater temper tantrums from the One Above All, causing greater damage to the throne room every time. The head mason eventually just gives up trying to repair the damage and just builds a hidden bunker to hide in during the tantrums. Made even funnier by the fact said head mason actually raises a white flag during said tantrum and unceremoniously kicks out a couple of other angels who tried to get in. Since then, he has smartened up and is ''selling tickets'' to those who want a place in his bunker.
** There's also the British officers talking rather disparagingly of the American "brown, whiskey-like substance"...
** When the demons ask the damned humans where do they manufacture their war machines, one of them answered, [[Literature/TheLordOfTheRings "Hobbiton!"]]. Another said [[Film/TheWizardOfOz The Emerald City]].
** Unfortunately, a lot of ''Pantheocide'' has made people forget about the sheer ''gems'' that could be found in ''Armageddon????'', such as this otherwise "filler" example of a rap video from Chapter 15 of how the war had very quickly changed American culture:
--->"''Coming through the desert in West Iraq, if you come to East Compton I'm gonna bust a cap! Don't bring your demon shit up in my hood, the Crips are rollin' large and we up to no good!''" (Hard copy version)
** In addition to the preceding demonic heralds sent to announce Satan's dominion over humanity that were summarily killed by human forces, a larger one is mortally wounded by Russian tanks. Unfortunately for ''him'', while the detonation charges are being set to finish him off, he's forced to listen to a Muscovite politician droning his way through Vladimir Putin speeches about Russian awesome:
--->A few minutes later, the preparations were ready. Suranov looked up at the politician who was starting the third speech of his program. "Tovarish. We are about to blow the beast. Please come down."
--->"But I must finish the President's Speech to the Iron Worker's Union."
--->There was a hideous racking groan from the beast, muted only by its failing strength. '''Suranov got a clear mental picture of it begging to be put out of its misery, anything other than to have to listen to another speech. The Colonel could see its point'''. "Now, Tovarish, my orders are to destroy this thing then bring samples back for analysis."
** The plans for a Prisoner of War camp in Gitmo under international control.
---> "[[TheMafia It’s being organized by the Italians]], Bangladesh is providing the funding, [[AllGermansAreNazis the Germans the guards]], [[UsefulNotes/TheNewRussia the Russians the political speeches]], the Belgians the entertainment, the Japanese the music and [[ForeignQueasine the British are providing the food]]."
*** Though, when you consider some of the SugarWiki/AwesomeMusic that we have thanks to anime, Japan providing music might not be that discouraging of a threat.
** Half the Goldman-Sachs board is killed, leading them to hire the ACLU to sue for their right to continue running the company along with the still living staff (and stop that staff from their first act after the attack: awarding bonuses to themselves from the dead peoples' salaries).
** General Asanee's little clean-up while Myanmar attacks ends in hilarity when she catches a radio man sleeping on the job thanks to the indecisiveness of his superiors. He decides to be honest and tell her what he was doing. Asanee proceeds to promote him, the one man she's come across who knew exactly what he doing.
*** Which is a total play off of George Patton during the Battle of the Bulge, but that makes it all the more hilarious for anyone that picks up on it.
** Carl Friedrich Gauss plays along with Michael's plan, acting like a scatterbrained {{Bunny Ears Lawyer}} as he spouts "demented nonsense" to pinpoint the spot that Michael needs to attack.
** "They killed [[FluffyTheTerrible Wuffles!]]"
** Upon reaching the ninth circle of Hell, [[spoiler: Abigor]] confirms to the humans that it is the place reserved for traitorous souls. When queried about the occupant of one last, unfilled hole, he replies, “A countryman of yours I think. One called [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_McNamara Robert Macnamara]].”
*** Made either HilariousInHindsight or [[FunnyAneurysmMoment quite the opposite]] when you realize that he passed away last year.
*** [[LaserGuidedKarma Poetic justice]].
*** In the current version, Robert [=McNamara=] is simply listed as one of the traitors who is occupying the 9th circle. The currently-unused but waiting pits now are reserved for "Some network television executives. The ones who cancelled {{Series/Firefly}}"
** The [[WhereAreTheyNowEpilogue "Where Are They Now?"]] half of ''Armageddon?'''s epilogue. George W. Bush is flipping channels in the Bush ranch when he finds: [[spoiler:Abigor]] is [[SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments offering assistance to earthly humans in the wake of Hurricane Ike]]; [[spoiler:Luga the succubus]] has her own talk show, in which she threatens to [[KarmicDeath throw Michael Vick into a ring of rabid pit-bulls]]; [[spoiler:Yulupki]] has started her own [[spoiler:naga-based]] delivery service; and [[spoiler:Euryale the gorgon]] has formed an alliance with New Rome...through ''real estate''.
---> '''George W. Bush:''' Condi, I thought we’d ''won'' this war.
** Abigor witnesses arguments on various message boards, and comes to a moving conclusion on how this endless search for the truth was a vital part of putting humanity in a position to do as well as they have. Then he concludes that there are still many people in these arguments that are "obviously completely nuts," with a particular {{Take That}} to a guy who trolled the story's host site just a few days before the chapter was posted, claiming to have done personal research showing that shooting someone in the head will hardly ever kill them.
** The tinfoil hat.
*** "There are always eccentrics who deny that the tinfoil hat is absolutely essential to prevent baldricks taking over their minds.”
** It turns out that almost every nation in the Human coalition had a special operations unit outside of the Eternal City, except [[spoiler:England, Australia, or New Zealand -- one of theirs is already inside.]]
*** "I can honestly say that [[spoiler:Her Majesty's Armed Forces]] have no covert operations groups stationed ''outside'' The Eternal City." Sir [[NamesTheSame Michael Jackson]] sounded positively righteous. Asanee's head snapped around to look at him and one of her eyebrows was raised.
*** Myth: "Rich men can't enter the kingdom the Heaven"? BUSTED!!! Also, "Jamie wants big boom!".
** The true story of the reason Jesus was crucified: [[spoiler:The Romans didn't care at all about his preaching, but his disciples were selling moonshine tax-free everywhere they went, and Judas was skimming from the payoffs to the authorities, having collected 30 pieces of silver by the time he was caught.]]
* A demon flies down to demand the surrender of Singapore. The demand is written on a scroll that the demon drops on landing. Littering is a serious offense in Singapore, so the police riddled the demon with bullets, and then beat it to death.
** Made awesome when you realize that Singapore hires [[UsefulNotes/NepaliWithNastyKnives Gurkhas]] as their police. That demon never stood a chance.
* This may be just because TVTropesWillRuinYourLife, but read the description of the huge final battle against YHWH closely. [[spoiler: Yes, YHWH and Michael are using their immense psionic lightning powers to perform a BeamOWar, in a [[MohsScaleOfSciFiHardness hard science]] story. The physics of Heaven may be running on RuleOfCool.]]
* The absolute anticlimax that is the first angel kill in the story. The story goes all-out in showing what a badass Appoloin/Apollyon is, tossing Memnon like a ragdoll and making a BadassBoast that sends the demon fleeing for his life, and generally setting him up as a bonafide KnightOfCerebus. It's certainly helped by the fact he's named for an Angel of the Abyss. Then he sees Stevenson letting the '[[GagBoobs girls]]' out after being stuck in a tank all day and approaches, calmly telling her to cover herself. Those are his final words before being blasted by a tank shell and torn up by a 25mm machine gun. Even the tank crew's reaction is just kind of "Huh, so this is an angel. Eh, we were coming to kill them too, so whatever."
* Chapter 37:
--> “Whoosh, blam, thank you Ma’am. You’re dead.”
* Chapter 31 of Pantheocide has a court ruling concerning evidence given by a witness who Luga intimidated into speaking. The judge says, and I quote: "As for you gentlemen from the FBI. Shame on you sirs. You conceived this attempted end-run around the Constitution and deceived this poor innocent succubus into becoming part of your schemes." ''Poor innocent succubus.''
* In chapter 71 of Pantheocide features a doctor totally chewing out a high ranking demon and angel after they start posturing in a hospital. They both shut up and the angel (who is basically one down from an Archangel) produces this absolute gem:
-->"Err, yes." Lemuel was speaking for them both. "My apologies, you too Memnon. We'd better forget what happened in the past or the humans might get angry with us."

* Belial's summing up the raving of the mostly-insane WWII GM exec, who has been tricked into revealing that Detroit is a center of human industry.
-->"So Detroit makes all the chariots for the state of Democracy? Which is ruled by Uncle Sam and populated by Feds? And your great general Eff'dee'ar is leading your armies against us, the ones you call the gooks?"

* Someone showed Aeneas (one of the 300 Spartans in Thermopylae) the film [[Film/ThreeHundred 300]]. [[{{Understatement}} He doesn't take it well]].
** In a similar vein, Caesar and his compatriots watch ''Series/{{Rome}}'' and find it absolutely hilarious.
* The Secret Service's collective reaction to President Bush's request to re-designate an [[CoolPlane F-102 Delta Dagger]] as the Presidential Interceptor.
* Bill Clinton recognizing a Succubus and killing her with an automatic shotgun? Badass. George Bush the Seconds reaction: [[SkewedPriorities "Damn, that'll cost us at least one seat in the house."]]
* On a meta level, something that would go in the YMMV or trivia pages (a case of the author making a science mistake when explaining something instead of just {{Handwaving}} the issue) goes straight to the SugarWiki/FunnyMoments page. Why? Because it's a matter of getting a science fact wrong in the middle of accurate military tech trivia, ''[[HilariousInHindsight right after]] the author {{lampshade}}s the cliche of Generals being good at military stuff but bad at science''. It ''may'' be a fail of research, or it ''may'' be a deliberate lampshading. Don't caring about which one here: it is hilarious either way.

* The very first lines of the story, which [[EstablishingSeriesMoment set the tone quite nicely]].

"Oh, piss off," said Lieutenant Michael Wong.

--> "[[TheMafia It’s being organized by the Italians]], Bangladesh is providing the funding, [[AllGermansAreNazis the Germans the guards]]], [[UsefulNotes/TheNewRussia the Russians the political speeches]], the Belgians the entertainment, the Japanese the music and [[ForeignQueasine the British are providing the food]]."

** Oh, does he ''ever'' when ''Pantheocide'' rolls around. Booze, heroin, rock 'n' roll, and lesbian angel sex show, anyone?4

* On a meta level, something that would go in the YMMV or trivia pages (a case of the author making a science mistake when explaining something instead of just {{Handwaving}} the issue) goes straight to the SugarWiki/FunnyMoments page. Why? Because it's a matter of getting a science fact wrong in the middle of accurate military tech trivia, ''[[HilariousInHindsight right after]] the author {{lampshade}}s the cliche of Generals being good at military stuff but bad at science''. It ''may'' be a fail of researh, or it ''may'' be a deliberate lampshading. Don't caring about which one here: it is hilarious either way.

*** Though, when you consider some of the AwesomeMusic that we have thanks to anime, Japan providing music might not be that discouraging of a threat.

* Some of the many in ''Literature/TheSalvationWar'': The scene in chapter 78 where Michael brings Yahweh up to date on the recent events of the war is ''priceless''.

** The [[WhereAreTheyNowEpilogue "Where Are They Now?"]] half of ''Armageddon?'''s epilogue. George W. Bush is flipping channels in the Bush ranch when he finds: [[spoiler:Abigor]] is [[CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming offering assistance to earthly humans in the wake of Hurricane Ike]]; [[spoiler:Luga the succubus]] has her own talk show, in which she threatens to [[KarmicDeath throw Michael Vick into a ring of rabid pit-bulls]]; [[spoiler:Yulupki]] has started her own [[spoiler:naga-based]] delivery service; and [[spoiler:Euryale the gorgon]] has formed an alliance with New Rome...through ''real estate''.

* On a meta level, something that would go in the YMMV or trivia pages (a case of the author making a science mistake when explaining something instead of just {{Handwaving}} the issue) goes straight to the FunnyMoments page. Why? Because it's a matter of getting a science fact wrong in the middle of accurate military tech trivia, ''[[HilariousInHindsight right after]] the author {{lampshade}}s the cliche of Generals being good at military stuff but bad at science''. It ''may'' be a fail of researh, or it ''may'' be a deliberate lampshading. Don't caring about which one here: it is hilarious either way.

* The absolute anticlimax that is the first angel kill in the story. The story goes all-out in showing what a badass Appoloin is, tossing Memnon like a ragdoll and making a BadassBoast that sends the demon fleeing for his life, and generally setting Appoloin up as a bonafide KnightOfCerebus. Then he sees Stevenson letting the '[[GagBoobs girls]]' out after being stuck in a tank all day and approaches, calmly telling her to cover herself. Those are his final words before being blasted by a tank shell and torn up by a 25mm machine gun. Even the tank crew's reaction is just kind of "Huh, so this is an angel. Eh, we were coming to kill them too, so whatever."

* On a meta level, something that would go in the YMMV or trivia pages (a case of the author making a science mistake when explaining something instead of just {{Handwaving}} the issue) goes straight to the FunnyMoments page. Why? Because it's a matter of getting a science fact wrong in the middle of accurate military tech trivia, ''[[HilariousInHindsight right after]] the author {{lampshade}}s the cliche of Generals being good at military stuff but bad at science''.

--> "[[TheMafia It’s being organized by the Italians]], Bangladesh is providing the funding, [[AllGermansAreNazis the Germans the guards]]], [[TheNewRussia the Russians the political speeches]], the Belgians the entertainment, the Japanese the music and [[ForeignQueasine the British are providing the food]]."

** When the demons ask the damned humans where do they manufacture their war machines, one of them answered, [[TheLordOfTheRings "Hobbiton!"]]. Another said [[TheWizardOfOz The Emerald City]].

** Made awesome when you realize that Singapore hires [[NepaliWithNastyKnives Gurkhas]] as their police. That demon never stood a chance.

* The absolute anticlimax that is the first angel kill in the story. The story goes all-out in showing what a badass Appoloin is, tossing Memnon like a ragdoll and making a BadassBoast that sends the demon fleeing for his life. Then he sees Stevenson letting the '[[GagBoobs girls]]' out after being stuck in a tank all day and approaches, calmly telling her to cover herself. Those are his final words before being blasted by a tank shell and torn up by a 25mm machine gun. Even the tank crew's reaction is just kind of "Huh, so this is an angel. Eh, we were coming to kill them too, so whatever."

--> "It’s being organized by the Italians, Bangladesh is providing the funding, the Germans the guards, the Russians the political speeches, the Belgians the entertainment, the Japanese the music and the British are providing the food."

* Some of the many in TheSalvationWar: The scene in chapter 78 where Michael brings Yahweh up to date on the recent events of the war is ''priceless''.

*** In the current version, Robert [=McNamara=] is simply listed as one of the traitors who is occupying the 9th circle. The currently-unused but waiting pits now are reserved for "Some network television executives. The ones who cancelled {{Firefly}}"