Line #24 Funny/TheSalvationWar


1	[[folder:''Armageddon???'']]
2	* The very first lines of Chapter 1, which [[EstablishingSeriesMoment set the tone quite nicely]].
3	-->"I, Satan Mekratrig, Lord of Hell, Commander of the Legions of the Damned do hereby declare my dominion over the earth and all that it contains. Crawl to me, humans, knowing the eternity of torment that awaits you."\
4	"[[ShutUpHannibal Oh, piss off]]," said Lieutenant Michael Wong.
5	* A demon flies down to demand the surrender of Singapore. The demand is written on a scroll that the demon drops on landing. Littering is a serious offense in Singapore, so the police [[FelonyMisdemeanor riddled the demon with bullets]], and then beat it to death.
6	** Made awesome when you realize that Singapore hires [[UsefulNotes/NepaliWithNastyKnives Gurkhas]] as their police. That demon never stood a chance.
7	* In addition to the preceding demonic heralds sent to announce Satan's dominion over humanity that were summarily killed by human forces, a larger one is mortally wounded by Russian tanks. Unfortunately for ''him'', while the detonation charges are being set to finish him off, he's forced to listen to a Muscovite politician droning his way through UsefulNotes/VladimirPutin speeches about Russian awesome:
8	-->A few minutes later, the preparations were ready. Suranov looked up at the politician who was starting the third speech of his program. "Tovarish. We are about to blow the beast. Please come down."\
9	"But I must finish the President's Speech to the Iron Worker's Union."\
10	There was a hideous racking groan from the beast, muted only by its failing strength. Suranov got a clear mental picture of it [[MercyKill begging to be put out of its misery]], [[AnythingButThat anything other than to have to listen to another speech]]. The Colonel could see its point.
11	* The tinfoil hats. "There are always eccentrics who deny that the tinfoil hat is absolutely essential to prevent baldricks taking over their minds."
12	* UsefulNotes/BillClinton recognizing a succubus and killing her with an automatic shotgun? Badass. President Bush's reaction: "[[SkewedPriorities Damn, that'll cost us at least one seat in the house.]]"
13	* The Secret Service's [[MassOhCrap collective reaction]] to President Bush's request to re-designate an [[CoolPlane F-102 Delta Dagger]] as the Presidential Interceptor.
14	* The plans for a Prisoner of War camp in Gitmo under international control.
15	--> "[[TheMafia It's being organized by the Italians]], Bangladesh is providing the funding, [[AllGermansAreNazis the Germans the guards]], [[UsefulNotes/TheNewRussia the Russians the political speeches]], the Belgians the entertainment, the Japanese the music and [[ForeignQueasine the British are providing the food]]."
16	** Though, when you consider some of the SugarWiki/AwesomeMusic that we have thanks to anime, Japan providing music might not be that discouraging of a threat.
17	* The absolute anticlimax that is the first angel kill in the story. The story goes all-out in showing what a badass Appoloin/Apollyon is, tossing Memnon like a ragdoll and making a BadassBoast that sends the demon fleeing for his life, and generally setting him up as a bonafide KnightOfCerebus. It's certainly helped by the fact he's named for an Angel of the Abyss. Then he sees Stevenson letting the 'girls' out after being stuck in a tank all day and approaches, calmly telling her to cover herself. Those are his final words before being blasted by a tank shell and torn up by a 25mm machine gun. Even the tank crew's reaction is just kind of "Huh, so this is an angel. Eh, we were coming to kill them too, so whatever."
18	** To add insult to injury, the poor angel ends up taking the blame for the family that Memnon massacred (in reality, he was just enjoying tea [[DissonantSerenity in a very inappropriate place]]). Memnon is, understandably, unwilling to correct this notion when it's brought up later.
19	* This otherwise "filler" example of a rap video from Chapter 15 of how the war had very quickly changed American culture:
20	-->"''Coming through the desert in West Iraq, if you come to East Compton I'm gonna bust a cap! Don't bring your demon shit up in my hood, the Crips are rollin' large and we up to no good!''"
21	* In chapter 17, O'Shea's reaction to meeting Luga and witnessing her JabbaTableManners:
22	-->"Well, she's not the sort of girl I’d take home to meet my mother. On the other hand, [[ImAHumanitarian she eats humans]] so I might take her to meet my ex-wife."
23	* In chapter 37, a human soldier uses a portal to demonstrate to Deumos that they can kill her any time they wish. He then [[DeadpanSnarker deadpans]] the following to drive the point home:
24	--> "Whoosh, blam, thank you Ma’am. You’re dead."
25	* When the demons ask the damned humans where they manufacture their war machines, one of them answered, [[Literature/TheLordOfTheRings "Hobbiton!"]]. Another said "[[Film/TheWizardOfOz the Emerald City]]".
26	* Belial's summing up the raving of the mostly-insane WWII GM exec, who has been tricked into revealing that Detroit is ([[FishOutOfTemporalWater was]]) a center of human industry.
27	-->"So Detroit makes all the chariots for the state of Democracy? Which is ruled by Uncle Sam and populated by Feds? And your great general Eff'dee'ar is leading your armies against us, the ones you call the gooks?"
28	* Someone showed Aeneas (one of the 300 Spartans in Thermopylae) the film ''[[Film/ThreeHundred 300]]''. [[{{Understatement}} He doesn't take it well]].
29	** In a similar vein, Caesar and his compatriots watch ''Series/{{Rome}}'' and find it absolutely hilarious.
30	* The scene in chapter 78 where Michael brings Yahweh up to date on the recent events of the war is ''priceless''.
31	-->'''Michael:''' ''And let the good times roll''.
32	* The part where the gorgon that manages to enter Earth and establish a cult, Lakheenahuknaasi, discovers the "marvels" of how powerful a WikiWalk is. Absolutely hilarious.
33	-->''Her tame human had shown her the invocations of 'goo gul' and 'wiccan pee-dee-ah', which had revealed to her a treasure trove of secrets. The last was protected by an insidious spell that caused her to constantly lose track of what she was looking for, flipping from page to page until she was reading irrelevant nonsense about 'collectible card games' and 'sonic the hedgehog'.''
34	* Upon reaching the ninth circle of Hell, Abigor confirms to the humans that it is the place reserved for traitorous souls. When queried about the occupants of some currently-unused but waiting pits, he answers, "Some network television executives. The ones who cancelled ''{{Series/Firefly}}''."
35	* The [[WhereAreTheyNowEpilogue "Where Are They Now?"]] half of ''Armageddon?'''s epilogue. George W. Bush is flipping channels in the Bush ranch when he finds: Abigor is [[SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments offering assistance to earthly humans in the wake of Hurricane Ike]]; Luga the succubus has her own talk show, in which she threatens to [[KarmicDeath throw Michael Vick into a ring of rabid pit-bulls]]; Yulupki has started her own naga-based delivery service; and Euryale the gorgon has formed an alliance with New Rome... through ''real estate''.
36	--> '''George W. Bush:''' Condi, I thought we’d ''won'' this war.
37	[[/folder]]
38
39	[[folder:''Pantheocide'']]
40	* Michael's nightclub. Booze, heroin, rock 'n' roll, and lesbian angel sex show, anyone?
41	* When Michael delivers the news about the war to Yahweh, each incident results in greater and greater temper tantrums from the One Above All, causing greater damage to the throne room every time. The head mason eventually just gives up trying to repair the damage and just builds a hidden bunker to hide in during the tantrums. Made even funnier by the fact said head mason actually raises a white flag during said tantrum and unceremoniously kicks out a couple of other angels who tried to get in. Since then, he has smartened up and is ''selling tickets'' to those who want a place in his bunker.
42	** When Michael finally tells Yahweh to [[BigShutUp shut up]] in the climax, there's a long StunnedSilence, then all the other angels in the room start ''freaking the hell out'' and scramble into the bunker because they know this conversation won't end well.
43	* Half the Goldman-Sachs board is killed, leading them to hire the ACLU to sue for their right to continue running the company along with the still living staff (and stop that staff from their first act after the attack: awarding bonuses to themselves from the dead peoples' salaries).
44	* General Asanee's little clean-up while Myanmar attacks ends in hilarity when she catches a radio man sleeping on the job thanks to the indecisiveness of his superiors. He decides to be honest and tell her what he was doing. Asanee proceeds to promote him, the one man she's come across who knew exactly what he doing.
45	** Which is a total play off of George Patton during the Battle of the Bulge, but that makes it all the more hilarious for anyone that picks up on it.
46	* Carl Friedrich Gauss plays along with Michael's plan, acting like a scatterbrained {{Bunny Ears Lawyer}} as he spouts "demented nonsense" to pinpoint the spot that Michael needs to attack.
47	* "They killed [[FluffyTheTerrible Wuffles!]]"
48	* Abigor witnesses arguments on various message boards, and comes to a moving conclusion on how this endless search for the truth was a vital part of putting humanity in a position to do as well as they have. Then he concludes that there are still many people in these arguments that are "obviously completely nuts," with a particular {{Take That}} to a guy who trolled the story's host site just a few days before the chapter was posted, claiming to have done personal research showing that shooting someone in the head will hardly ever kill them.
49	* It turns out that almost every nation in the Human coalition had a special operations unit outside of the Eternal City, except England, Australia, or New Zealand -- one of theirs is already inside.
50	-->"I can honestly say that Her Majesty's Armed Forces have no covert operations groups stationed [[ExactWords outside]] The Eternal City." Sir Michael Jackson sounded positively righteous. Asanee's head snapped around to look at him and one of her eyebrows was raised.
51	* There's also the British officers talking rather disparagingly of the American "[[ATankardOfMooseUrine brown, whiskey-like substance]]"...
52	* Myth: "Rich men can't enter the kingdom the Heaven"? BUSTED!!! Also, "Jamie wants big boom!".
53	* The true story of the reason Jesus was crucified: The Romans didn't care at all about his preaching, but his disciples were selling moonshine tax-free everywhere they went, and Judas was skimming from the payoffs to the authorities, having collected 30 pieces of silver by the time he was caught.
54	* This may be just because JustForFun/TVTropesWillRuinYourLife, but read the description of the huge final battle against YHWH closely. Yes, YHWH and Michael are using their immense psionic lightning powers to perform a BeamOWar, in a hard science story. The physics of Heaven may be running on RuleOfCool.
55	* Chapter 31 has a court ruling concerning evidence given by a witness who Luga intimidated into speaking. The judge says, and I quote: "As for you gentlemen from the FBI. Shame on you sirs. You conceived this attempted end-run around the Constitution and deceived this poor innocent succubus into becoming part of your schemes." ''Poor innocent succubus.''
56	* Michael-lan had the good fortune and capacity to set up a nightclub in Heaven; that's all well and good, but then, in chapter 31, we get this bit.
57	-->''He'd really wanted to rescue Elvis and bring him to the club here, but he'd failed. He couldn’t quite understand it, he'd never had any trouble before in intercepting a dead human and whisking them away before they turned up on the Plateau of Minos.''
58	* Chapter 71 features a doctor totally chewing out a high ranking demon and angel after they start posturing in a hospital. They both shut up and the angel (who is basically one down from an Archangel) produces this absolute gem:
59	-->"Err, yes." Lemuel was speaking for them both. "My apologies, you too Memnon. We'd better forget what happened in the past or [[HumansAreCthulhu the humans might get angry with us]]."
60	[[/folder]]

Context Funny / TheSalvationWar