Funny / The Now Show

  • Marcus Brigstocke's rants about David Blaine.
    • Brigstocke (after Blaine failed to break an underwater record): "You're not magic, you're not a wizard, you're just a moist git!"
  • Another Brigstocke one, describing the COP 15 Climate change conference in the style of Dr. Seuss.
  • "And now, on Children's BBC... Iraqi Races."
  • John Finnemore on "The Vote Now Show" after the 2015 General Election, imagining what David Cameron must have been thinking after, to the surprise of many, the Tories ended up with a slender outright majority in the Commons.
    "Oh no... it wasn't just a dream, it... it's true... I won. I somehow bloody won! How did I do that!? What more could I have done to make it absolutely clear to them that I have ticked off being Prime Minister, I've got it on the CV, what I want now is a dignified defeat, a seat on two or three boards, a lucrative lecture tour, and a yacht! I told them I wouldn't stay another term! I refused to do debates! I even told them that the election was all about my career! I basically pinned a sign on my own back saying 'Kick me (brackets, out of Downing Street, close brackets), comma, for pity's sake'! Did they not get it!? Did they elect me out of spite?! Oh God, and I've just remembered, I won outright! No coalition partner to use as an excuse why I can't do the things the barking right wing want me to do, and to legitimise the things I do want to do, because, 'Hey, it's Danny Alexander announcing it, look at his lovely Liberal freckles.' And oh God, I've just remembered the opposition, Labour will have a new leader, with luck and a following wind they might even manage not to pick someone the nation finds intrinsically hilarious! Plus, fifty-odd furious hairy Scots who all hate my guts, and for whom I represent the ideal pantomime villain English oppressor on whom for them to live out all their Braveheart fantasies! Oh, God, I've just remembered I've got a majority so tiny that anything I want to pass, I'm gonna have to convince and cajole every single one of my awful MPs to support me, even though a dozen of them are stone cold nutters, and one of them is BORIS BLOODY JOHNSON!! God, I wish I was Nick Clegg!..."