- From the film, as Harold tries to get Marian's attention in the library:
Harold: "Marbles. Six steelies, eight Aggies, a dozen pee-wees, and a great big glassie with the American flag in the middle. (Beat) I think I'll drop 'em."Marian: "No!"Harold: "Shhh!"
- In the opening song, this moment, setting up Harold's bad reputation: "Ever met a fella by the name of Hill?" "Hill?" "Hill?" "Hill?" "Hill?" "Hill?" "Hill?" "Hill?" "Hill!" (In unison) "NO!"
- Hill realizes his old buddy Marcellus is now living in the town, having a good life and engaged to a local girl.
Hill: So you've gone legitimate. I always knew you'd turn out no good.
- Mayor Shinn messing up an introduction: "The Wa-Tan-Yee Girls of the local wigwam of Heeawatha will present a spectacle, my wife — in which my wife, Eulalie McKecknie Shinn, will take a leading part."
- Harold actually convincing Mayor Shinn to buy a flugelhorn for his son, only for Mayor Shinn to realize he doesn't have a son and proceeds to rant and rave while Harold slinks away, only for Mrs. Shinn to come outside and think he's ranting at her.
Mayor Shinn: I haven't got any son! I never had a son!Mrs. Shinn: I never said you did.Mayor Shinn: Well, what do you know?Mrs. Shinn: I'd certainly know if I gave you a son!Mayor Shinn: I'm not talking to you!Mrs. Shinn: Who are you talking to?Mayor Shinn: (Indicating Harold) Him!Mrs. Shinn: Who?Mayor Shinn: (Looking around and Harold is gone) Never mind...Mrs. Shinn: (To their daughter) Zaneeta, call Dr. Pine for your father.
- Most viewers haven't heard of the Rubiyat of Omar Khayyam, but you don't need this knowledge to laugh at Mrs. Shinn mangling it: "The Ruby Hat of Omar Kayayayayay...I am appalled!"
- Harold telling Marian's mother all the best cornet players were Irish, such as O'Clark, O'Klein, and O'Mendez.