Funny: The Fountainhead

  • Roark's totally deadpan reactions to boss-to-be Henry Cameron's raging interrogations when they first meet.
    Cameron: How much money have you got left?
    Roark: Seventeen dollars and thirty cents.
    • The best moment comes right at the end, when Cameron hires him:
    Cameron: I'm perfectly happy with the drooling dolts I've got here, who never had anything and never will have and it makes no difference what becomes of them. That's all I want. Why did you have to come here? You're setting out to ruin yourself, you know that, don't you? And I'll help you do it. I don't want to see you. I don't like you. I don't like your face. You look like an insufferable egotist. You're impertinent. You're too sure of yourself. Twenty years ago I'd have punched your face with the greatest of pleasure. You're coming to work here tomorrow at nine o'clock sharp.
    Roark: Yes.
  • Roark and Mike wage some hilariously awesome Snark-to-Snark Combat, when they meet for the first time.
    Roark: You're wasting your time.
    Mike: Yeah?
    Roark: Yeah.
  • Dominique and Roark's first pillow-talk session gets pretty cute, pretty quick:
    Roark: You're very lovely, Dominique.
    Dominique: Don't.
    Roark: You're lovely.
    Dominique: Roark, I...I'll still want to destroy you.
    Dominique: Roark....
    Roark: You want to hear it again? Part of it? I want you, Dominique. I want you. I want you.
    Dominique: I...
    Roark: No. Not yet. You won't say that yet. Go to sleep.
    Dominique: Here? With you?
    Roark: Here. With me. I'll fix breakfast for you in the morning. Did you know that I fix my own breakfast? You'll like seeing that. Like the work in the quarry. Then you'll go home and think about destroying me. Good night, Dominique.
  • Peter Keating's reactions to Dominique's two Sarcastic Confessions when he asks her whom she slept with before him.
  • Roark's introduction to Steve Mallory has the latter as a pretty comical drunk, albeit in Black Comedy fashion. Bonus points for Snark-to-Snark Combat:
    Mallory: You can speak normal. I'm not drunk. Not all the way. I understand.
    Roark: Well?
    Mallory: Why did you pick me.
    Roark: Because you're a good sculptor.
    Mallory: That's not true.
    Roark: That you're good?
    Mallory: No. That it's your reason. Who asked you to hire me?
    Roark: No one.
    Mallory: Some woman I laid?
    Roark: I don't know any women you laid.
    Mallory: Stuck on your building budget?
    Roark: No. The budget's unlimited.
    Mallory: Feel sorry for me?
    Roark: No. Why should I?
    Mallory: Want to get publicity out of that shooting-Toohey business?
    Roark: Good God, no!
  • Wynand's response to the "We Don't Read Wynand" campaign — a bumper sticker that says "We Don't Either."
  • Wynand calling out Toohey when he finds out Steven Mallory sculpted Dominique's statue:
    Wynand: Ellsworth, have so many people tried to kill you that you can't remember their names?
  • Howard's description of Roger Enright uncovering the Stealth Compliments in Dominique's article about the Enright House.
  • Dominique tries to damage her fireplace as an excuse to get the quarry worker she's lusting after into her house, but she only succeeds in scratching the marble a little bit. Nevertheless, she finds the worker and tells him she has a slab of marble that's broken and needs to be replaced. When Roark comes and sees it, he calmly takes a hammer and wedge to it.