- One of the best visual jokes involves Tuco and Blondie who, disguised as Confederates, spot an approaching army riding towards them. Noticing their grey uniforms, Tuco starts cheering for the South and spouting curses at the Yankees... until the soldiers come closer and start to shake the grey dust of the desert out of their blue uniforms.
Tuco: God's on our side because he hates the Yanks too!Blondie: God's not on our side because he hates idiots also.
Tuco: Hurrah for General ...(to Blondie) What's his name?Blondie: Lee.Tuco: LEE!
- This bit:
- The scene where Tuco tries to convince Blondie to tell him the name on the grave. "It's lucky you weren't alone out there!" Blondie's response to this: *coffee!*
- Tuco being brought into the sheriff's office, kicking, screaming, cursing and complaining while trussed up like a turkey.
- Also, when he throws a fit after Blondie misses a shot against the rope.
Tuco: When that rope tightens, you can feel the Devil bite your ass!
- The scene where Tuco robs a store after making it look like he's haggling over the price of a gun.
- His improvised handling of the gun parts.
- "People say you were killed in Albuquerque." "And people talk bullshit!"
- This little exchange:
Tuco: [reading a note left by Angel Eyes] "See you soon...id..eed..."
Blondie: [snatches note] "...Idiots." [looks at Tuco] It's for you.
- "When you have to shoot, shoot, don't talk."
- Moments later, Tuco is seen squirting water with his hands in the bath, like a child. The man can go from deadly to adorable in the blink of an eye.
- The Overly Long List of crimes Tuco is accused of every time he's being hung. It seems to get longer and more ridiculous each time.
- Tuco gives a threatening one-liner, eats the proffered cigarillo(!), and laughs evilly. Smash Cut to him rolling his eyes, back in the noose.
- Tuco takes a horse and rides off to find the money while Blondie comforts a dying soldier. Once that task is complete, and while the signature riff plays, Blondie slowly lowers his cigar to the fuse of a nearby cannon and blows Tuco off his horse. Just the casual way he does it...
- Tuco tearfully begging Blondie to tell him the other half of the information. Especially when he beats the sides of his head and cries, "It's my fault! Mine, mine, mine, mine!" Bob Fossil hitting himself and moaning, "Ow, ow, I'm pathetic!" comes to mind.
- Another example of Tuco sounding like a jilted ex-lover: “I’m looking for the owner of that horse. He’s tall, blonde, he smokes a cigar, and he’s a pig!”
- Tuco decides to use a Potty Emergency excuse to stand on the edge of a train, his plan being to escape from it.
Wallace: Get going.
(Tuco glances over the edge of the train at the steep hill below, then looks back at Wallace.)
Tuco: I can't while you're watching me.
- As cruel as he is mentally torturing Blondie in the desert, it's hard to take Tuco seriously while he's carrying that pink parasol.
- "HEY, BLOOOOOOONDIE! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU AAAAAAARE?!" JUST A DIRTY SON OF A B-AaAaAaaaaah!"
- The way Tuco dives into the foxhole after he and Blondie blow up the bridge: he practically does a belly-flop, then cowers in a frightened ball with his butt poking out, flinching at cannonfire. Fade to hours later and we find he fell asleep in that exact same position. It's pretty adorable to watch.
- Next morning, Blondie wakes up to find Tuco still sleeping in that ridiculous position, so he shoves Tuco over with his foot, waking him with a start.
- Tuco is about to hang Blondie on the second floor of the latter's lodgings, when suddenly a cannonball crashes through the front wall, sending Tuco through the floor. Deus ex Machina slapstick at its finest.
- Bill Carson, meet a tobacco-charged Tuco.
Carson: Carson. My name's Bill Carson now. It's Carson. Surprise attack. All dead. My name is Jackson. No, Carson.
Tuco (sarcastically): Carson, Carson yeah, yeah, glad to meet you Carson. I'm Lincoln's grandfather.
- Tuco impatiently tries to get Carson to say what the name on the grave the gold is buried in is, and imitates Carson's dying gasps as he's doing so.
- Tuco Comically Missing the Point of Angel Eyes telling Corporal Wallace to give him and Blondie "good treatment" when they were in the Union camp.
- Tuco (innocently): Did you hear that, Blondie? Good treatment!
- Angel Eyes mentions that even a scoundrel like our protagonist has a protecting angel. A golden-haired guardian angel. Cue a long shot of Blondie, accompanied by angelic music.
- This gem from Blondie:
- Tuco: How peaceful and quiet, amigo.Blondie: Like a cemetery, for instance?
- Then seconds later, Tuco tempts fate.
Tuco: I got a good sense of where I'm going. Tuco has taken you this far, I will take you all the way to... (They're immediately stopped by soldiers.)
- The Union Captain's funny way of beckoning our leads through the trenches.
- Tuco's double take at the dynamite that he and Blondie are taking cover next to.
- Carrying the dynamite on a stretcher towards the bridge they're going to detonate, Blondie & Tuco spot two corpse men coming past them. Trying not to look conspicuous, they hold up the arm of a dead soldier as though to put him on the stretcher instead of the dynamite. Once they've gone, they drop the corpse's arm again and continue their task.
- While Tuco is leaning over a dehydrated and dying Blondie, out in the desert, and demanding the other half of the information, a fly lands on his face.
- A blink and you miss it moment where an extra goes by on a wagon and she coincidentally has the exact same dress and hairstyle as Belle.
Funny / The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Most if not all of the film's funniest moments involve Villain Protagonist Tuco in some form or another.