!Season 1

[[folder:The Country Bears]]
* Jerk's new intro for his debut on Website/ThatGuyWithTheGlasses has him call it "Channel Glasses That... Awesome With a Guy... Thing... family."
* To the ChirpingCrickets response to Jerk.
-->'''Jerk''': Great question, crickets!
* Jerk's opening monologue on the main page.
* "[[AffectionateParody You can't really love something unless you're willing to mock it for all its worth]]. Just look at your children."
* Jerk dubs Disneyland to be "the second happiest place on Harbor Boulevard."
-->"...next to that Swedish massage parlor down the street."
* Jerk's reasoning for why anyone would ride something as corny as The Country Bear Jamboree: the line for Splash Mountain was too long and visitors just wanted some air conditioning.
* "So the movie starts out with of footage of-'''[[JumpScare OOOOAA]][[UncannyValley AAAAHHHH!!!]]'''"
* Before introducing Beary, he decides ScrewThisImOuttaHere to go ride Splash Mountain, then he finds out the line for Splash Mountain is two miles long.
* The protagonist of the film is [[StevenUlyssesPerhero a bear named Beary Barrington]], so Jerk follows that up by posing with the actual costume characters and dubbing them [[WesternAnimation/DonaldDuck Ducky Duckingham]], [[MickeyMouse Micey Mousenvlad]], and [[WesternAnimation/{{Goofy}} Zippo the Clown-faced Jerkwad]]. Mickey even {{Facepalm}}s when Jerk gets his name wrong!
* The Jerk asks how far he is into the movie:
--> '''Woman (off-screen):''' Four minutes!
--> '''Jerk:''' Great.
* "This movie has literally no right to exist! It shouldn't exist, it can't exist! And yet it does! Or does it..." (''creepy music plays, DVD box starts shaking, it hits Jerk in the face'') "Ow!"
* When seeing that the film has, in addition to Beary, [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin a roadie named "Roadie", and a chicken named "Mr. Chicken"]].
-->'''Jerk''': It's economical to hire children to write your children's movies 'cause you can just pay them in candy! (''holds up giant lollipops'')
* Jerk insists he is not racist against bears, [[SomeOfMyBestFriendsAreX and even has bear friends]].
-->'''Jerk''': (''posing with the characters from ''Disney/BrotherBear) ''Help me''...
* Jerk's guessing game RunningGag with the D-list Disney stars touted in this movie.
-->'''Jerk''': Hey look, it's Music/MandyMoore! (''buzzer'') Music/MileyCyrus! (''buzzer'') Music/AshleeSimpson! (''buzzer'') Music/VanessaHudgens! (''buzzer'') Music/DemiLovato! (''buzzer'') Music/KylieMinogue! (''buzzer'') Nellie Furtado! (''buzzer'') ...Music/ShaniaTwain? (''buzzer'') ...Bristol Palin? (''buzzer'') Umm... (Caption: ''Krystal Marie Harris'') Krystal Marie Harris! I was so... gonna know it.
-->'''Jerk''': You're Music/CarrieUnderwood! (''buzzer'') Music/TaylorSwift! (''buzzer'') Music/HilaryDuff! (''buzzer'') Haylie Duff! (''buzzer'') [[Music/SpiceGirls Baby Spice]]! (''buzzer'') (Caption: ''Three Hours Later'') ...Zac {{Music/Hanson}}. (''buzzer'') [[Series/TheGoldenGirls Rue McClanahan]]. (''buzzer'') Krystal Marie Harris in a blond wig. (''buzzer'') I dunno... I should know this- (Caption: ''Jennifer Paige'') Jennifer Pai- okay now you're just making up pop stars.
* After Zeb beats a rival musician in a music compeitition, Jerk laments that he spent $10,000 betting on the other musician.
-->'''Jerk''': [[CardCarryingVillain Now how can I afford to blow up that orphanage]]?! (''{{Beat}}'') Those orphans know what they did.
* "Meanwhile, at the Walken- '''OH GOD HE'S DEAD!!!'''" (''Walken wakes up'') ...oh.
* "Coming [[OscarBait this Oscar season]]: Christopher Walken IS USefulNotes/JoeBiden. Rated R."
* Jerk admits [[NarmCharm his affection for]] Creator/ChristopherWalken's line: "[[ChewingTheScenery That day... IS TONIGHT!!]]"
-->'''Jerk''': The greatest line in cinema history is in ''The Country Bears'', who knew?
* "Hey hundreds of people! Shut up!"

[[folder: Ten Years of Disney California Adventure]]
* The new TGWTG opening begins with Jerk kissing his hair, saying: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3dYanzg3pw&t=0m16s Luscious locks!]]"
* Jerk returns ten years after California Adventure's opening, expecting to attend a huge anniversary and instead meets... a workwall.
* "You can't spell decade without DCA (Disney California Adventure). Or ECD (Elderly Cockroach Disease), or CAE (Charos Aborted Elephants) for that matter; it's all discussed in my two week seminar: 'How To Spell Things With Other Things', next month at the Madisson Radisson."
* "Yes, DCA is turning ten years old, and like most California ten year-olds it's getting [[TroublingUnchildlikeBehavior its first facelift]]."
* To make room for DCA, Disneyland's new parking lot became the second-largest in the world, "dwarfed only by... the Detroit airport."
-->'''Jerk''': Because if I lived in Detroit I'd want to leave too! If my car was built there, it'd probably get as far as the airport [[EveryCarIsAPinto before it blew up]].
* "Eisner ''really'' wanted to save up for his huge yacht to hold all his smaller yachts."
* Jerk's interpretation of why California Adventure was built, with then-CEO Michael Eisner as a CardCarryingVillain.
-->'''Michael Eisner''': Ve vant zhe tourists to schtay in ze park. Vhy do they leave ze park?\\
'''Disney Employee''': Uh, well, uh, Mr. Eisner sir, according to the market research we've done, people leave so they can explore the rest of California!\\
'''Michael Eisner''': Then ve vill bring the rest of California ''HEEEEEEEERE!!!''\\
(''lightning crashes as [[Disney/TheHunchbackOfNotreDame "The Bells of Notre Dame"]] plays'')\\
'''[[Film/YoungFrankenstein Frederick Frankenstein]]''': It! Could! Work!!!
* Jerk visiting the actual landmarks DCA has replicas of, just under a day's drive away.
-->'''Jerk''': (''at the Golden Gate Bridge'') Yeah, it's okay but, if only it had a monorail going across it. (''at the Palace of Fine Arts'') Yeah, it's semi-breathtaking but, if only it had a Whoopi Goldberg film in it. (''at entrance to Disneyland'') Yeah, it's good but, if only it sucked, then you'd have something!
* Jerk's imagines how the tractor "ride" must have been thought up.
-->'''Jerk Exec''': (''on cellphone'') We need something big, that will really attract people. Some... huge attractor.
-->'''Jerk Worker''': (''taking notes'') Huge... tractor, got it. (''finishes note and groans'')
* Jerk's parody of the California Adventure commercials, where Buzz tells Goofy to not go to the park because "nobody likes a nosy neighbor".
-->'''Buzz''': Nah, they'll be alright; they have a tractor!
-->'''Goofy''': I thought I was supposed to be the idiot...
* ''Is It Still There?''. All of it.
** The show is introduced as "[[BlatantLies America's only game show]]", hosted by Jerk, starring Jerk, and with the two contestants Jerk and Jerk.
** Both Jerks fail the first two questions so the final question is worth 100 points, "rendering this entire exercise meaningless."
** "Uh, who buzzed in? Jerk or Jerk?" "It was Jerk."
** The show ends with [[spoiler:both of them losing and being shipped away for medical experiments.]]
* The dramatic music leading up to the park's central monument...
-->'''Jerk''': A big ol' hubcap that looks almost exactly nothing like the sun. (''gets up close to camera'') It's like you wanna fail.
** Later on, Jerk shows off the now-improved Ferris Wheel sun.
-->'''Jerk''': It's the exact same ride, but now Mickey's on it! Hi Mickey! (''waves'') He never waves back.
* [[CaptionHumor Don't worry parents! We've got booze!]]
* Jerk's extremely positive "complaints" about California Screamin'.
-->'''Jerk''': There's no story so it's no good! Hmph!
* Jerk describes California Adventure as "[[Series/TheBradyBunch the Jan Brady of theme parks]], the [[Music/SimonAndGarfunkel Art Garfunkel of theme parks]], the [[ShapedLikeItself Disney California Adventure of theme parks]]..."
* After seeing the amazingness of Tokyo [=DisneySea=].
-->'''Jerk''': ...the Japanese beat us at something that combines technology with artistry?! How is that even possible?! We're way smarter than the- well, no. Our cartoons are way better- well no. Our sexual perversions- (''sighs'') We're taller! That's right! We! Are taller! Than them! USA! USA! USA- I'm gonna go get drunk...
* After introducing the very boring rides of "A Bug's Land".
* When discussing ''{{Disney/Aladdin}}: The Musical''.
-->'''Jerk''': Apparently ''Aladdin'' was in California the whole time! (Caption: ''"When cameling on the I-5, visit beautiful Agrabah, CA."'') Well, that does explain the customer service. (''Clip of Jasmine about to get her hand chopped off for not paying for an apple.'')
* "But even with ''three new things'', DCA wasn't quite a match for ''the greatest thing of all time''."
* "''You saw nothing.'' ([[Film/MenInBlack Neuralyzer flash]]'') "[[Film/TheWizard Cawwifornia]]."
* "Disney finally traded in the ESN in Eisner's name for [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Iger a G]]."
* The talking Mr. Potatohead.
-->'''Jerk''': (''whispering'') It's a ''real'' potato. We genetically mutated it. It's gonna kill us all sometime in the next five years. Shhh!
** Later:
-->'''Mr. Potato Head''': Let's try that again: "I love you, Mr. Potatohead!"
-->'''Kids''': I love you Mr. Potatohead!
-->'''Jerk''': ''It demands your worship.''
* "By 2012, [[MayanDoomsday assuming the Mayans were wrong and this doesn't happen...]]" (''Earth explodes'')
* "A workwall means progress, a workwall means the future, a workwall means: 'come back and give us more of your hard-earned money next year.' [[BackhandedCompliment And what could possibly be more Californian than that]]?"

[[folder: Star Tours (The Original 1987 Classic)]]
* [=SJWAC=]'s reaction to the OpeningScroll at the beginning.
--> '''[=SJWAC=]''': Why are these words all backwards? ''({{beat}})'' Damn, kids.
* The conversation between the ''Film/StarWars'' [[WarReenactors re-enacters]].
--> '''[Re-Enactor]''': Wait, you're FOR blowing up planets?
--> '''[=SJWAC=]''': (defensively) I happen to think it looks cool.
* [[WebVideo/TheIdiotsLantern The Wire]], [[WebVideo/RBGProductions Spazzmaster]], and [=SJWAC=]'s conversation about Some Jerk remaining "cautiously optimistic" about the new ''Star Tours''.
--> '''Some Jerk''': And now only this gift shop remains, until June 3rd when the new ride opens. But for better or worse it'll never be quite the same. Despite all our prays, the deal has been altered further. And I gotta tell ya. [[PunctuatedForEmphasis I. am.]] [[BaitAndSwitch cautiously optimistic]].
--> '''The Wire''' and '''Spazzmaster''': ''What?''
--> '''Some Jerk''': I know, I'm surprised too, but I am cautiously optimistic.
--> '''Spazzmaster''': Jerk, what is wrong with you?
--> '''The Wire''': HE'S A WITCH.
--> '''Some Jerk''': Look, I'm sorry, but even after [[TheScrappy Jar-Jar]] and Greedo and Jake Lloyd and Hayden Christensen and Jar-Jar and Boss Nass and the rat tail and the midi-chlorians and Jar-Jar and all the [=CGI=] and [[RunningGag Jar-Jar and Jar-Jar and Jar-Jar]] and the eternal Creator/CSpan footage and that stupid fucking monologue about sand and all that [[Creator/PattonOswalt "you get to see him as a little kid"]] bullshit. And even after ''(plays the clip of [[{{Narm}} Darth Vader going]] [[BigNo "NOOooOOOoooOOOooo!"]])'', ''(shrugs)'' I still remain cautiously optimistic. Sorry.
--> '''The Wire''': Jerk, you're friends are all here. So why don't you show us on a the Ewok where ''Star Wars'' touched you?
--> '''Some Jerk''': ''(takes the Ewok toy)'' Look, I already told you, [[NotIfTheyEnjoyedItRationalization I must have been asking for it]]!
* One word: Ketchup.

[[folder: Top 11 Florida Attractions Not in California]]
* The Jerk calls Florida a "dong-shaped [[NWordPrivileges Jew cemetery]]."
* [[WebVideo/TheBunnyPerspective Phil Buni]]'s [[RunningGag rants]] about Florida and Floridians.
* The Jerk gets photobombed and stops his show just to incite his viewers to hunt, torture, and kill the photobomber. While several people are photobombimg in the background during his pseudo-{{PSA}}.
* The new TGWTG outro has an IronicEcho to the original footage when Jerk reveals that Maelstrom, one of his prior choices, has closed to be replaced by a ''Disney/{{Frozen}}'' ride:
--> '''Anti-Ranting Jerk''': [[HilariousInHindsight Let. It. Go.]]

[[folder: Captain EO]]
* The Jerk's idea of what happened to Captain EO after the movie. He is tried in Galactic Superior Court where he is found guilty of insubordination. He and his [[Music/JanetJackson sister]] (who is being punished for [[WardrobeMalfunction showing her nipple]]) are put on a [[http://www.vevo.com/watch/michael-jackson/Scream/USSM20301503 colorless spaceship]] and sent to a deserted planet where they [[AdamAndEvePlot populate the world]]. And the descendants of their [[VillainousIncest unholy]] [[BrotherSisterIncest incestuous]] union still live on that planet today. And that planet is called...'''[[EarthAllAlong EARTH!!!]]'''

[[folder: Halloween Time at Disneyland]]
* Some Jerk describing how ''not'' scary Disney is at Halloween time.
--> '''SJWAC''': What kid with healthy imagination wouldn't get psyched over "Mickey's Not-so-Scary Halloween Party".
--> ''(in black and white, dramatic music plays)''
--> '''SJWAC''': It wasn't just scary, kids. I can handle scary. It was not so scary. ''[[DramaticThunder (thunder strikes)]]'' I'm sorry, it's not an easy thing to relive. I think I might have [=PNTO=], Post-Non-Traumatic Order from just how not-so-scary it was. So not-so-scary it can drive even the toughest man sane. ''[[LaughingMad (giggling maniacally)]]'' I'm sorry, I was thinking of something really funny CraigFerguson said last week. ''(in a demonic voice)'' But I digress. ''(whispering)'' It was not-so-scary, kids. It was not-so-scary.
* Some Jerk talking about Ghost Galaxy (or Space Mountain) and trying to figure out what the galaxy ghost is.
--> '''[=SJWAC=]''': All they change about the ride is the music, the lighting, and the projections and it feels like a totally different experience in which you get chased through the cosmos by... this thing, a fiery vengeful spirit demon ghost thing with... Can I get some help on this one from a ghost expert?
--> '''[[Film/{{Ghostbusters}} Ray Stantz]]''': What you have there is what we refer to as a focused non-terminal repeating phantasm.
--> '''[=SJWAC=]''': No, I meant a real ghost expert.
--> '''[[StealthPun "Real"]] [[WesternAnimation/TheRealGhostbusters Egon Spengler]]''': They shouldn't have the energy for roving attacks.
--> '''[=SJWAC=]''': No, I meant a non-fictional ghost expert. Just anyone with a basic cable show.
--> '''ConanOBrien''': WesternAnimation/{{Space Ghost| Coast to Coast}} is obviously a space man who died and became a space ghost.
--> '''WesternAnimation/{{Space Ghost| Coast to Coast}}''': No.
--> '''Conan O'Brien''': [[LargeHam FACE IT, SPACE GHOST!]]
--> '''Space Ghost''': No.
--> '''Conan O'Brien''': [[LargeHam YOU'RE A SPACE MAN THAT CHOKED ON A MUFFIN!]]

* His parody of "[[WesternAnimation/TheNightmareBeforeChristmas What's This]]" during the review of "Haunted Mansion Holiday", ultimately ending with "WHAT [[PrecisionFStrike THE FUCK]] IS THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS??!!

[[folder: It's Small World Holiday]]
* '''[[BlackComedyRape "I WAS RAPED BY IT'S A SMALL WORLD!"]]'''
** Followed by several reviewers staring in StunnedSilence...and [[CrossesTheLineTwice one guy laughing his head off.]]
* To the tune of [[Film/MaryPoppins Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious]]: "Donald Duck brand orange juice tastes like rancid goat piss!"
* The Jerk's "Small World" parody song, [[spoiler:which he uses to defeat the ride]].
* He introduces a whole list of guest stars for the multi-part review. It starts out normal, featuring people who have either already appeared in the review but then it starts getting silly with a guy eating a sandwich listed as "President Gerald Ford", a guy doing backflips as "Big Skip [=McJimmy=], The Wacky Abortionist", a cat falling off a table as "Former President of Chad Hissène Habré", and Texas Gov. Rick Perry as "Dickery Douche McDerpHitler, culminating with "[[Creator/WeirdAlYankovic Weird Al Yankasomething!]]" [[spoiler:Hilariously enough, Weird Al actually appears in the review!]]

!Season 2

[[folder: Star Tours: The Adventure Continues]]
* According to the All-Being, there are alternate dimensions that have no war but [[NWordPrivileges Jews aren't allowed there.]] Apparently Creator/MelGibson was right.
* "Thirty-seven. She has thirty-seven hopes." "In a row?"

[[folder: Thirty Years of EPCOT]]
* The Jerk goes to check out the new Disney/TheLittleMermaid ride only to be entrapped by [[Series/ToCatchAPredator Chris Hansen]], who took his remarks out of context and [[MistakenForPedophile mistook him for trying to molest a teenage mermaid.]]
* The Jerk compares EPCOT to an STD: A wonderful burst of output followed by a lifetime of painful regret.
* The Jerk wonders why [[UsefulNotes/WorldWarII Germany, Italy, and Japan]] didn't get pavilions at EPCOT. He then uses his powers as a "Jewish controller of the media" to demand a Germany-themed ride. Cut to him getting [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything onboard a train,]] saying, "If you [[JewishComplaining kvetch]] long enough, things will happen to you!"
** Even funnier is the better version of the joke he says he should have used in the commentary: "If you [[JewishComplaining kvetch]] long enough, you will find a [[DeadlyEuphemism final solution]]!"
* The Jerk tries to riff "[[Creator/EllenDeGeneres Ellen]]'s Energy Adventure" only to find that Ellen has already thought of all his jokes. But he finally gets a victory when he realizes the caveman who makes "an important discovery" is played by Michael Richards. "He discovered [[NWordPrivileges the racial epithet!]]" Cue cheesy music and goofy dance.
* The RunningGag in which Jerk (and Phil Buni at one point) mentions a race of Bolivian mice genetically engineered by Disney to crawl inside the human brain before [[WeAreExperiencingTechnicalDifficulties getting cut off]] for "cranial remodulocation."
** And a bit of FridgeLogic in TheStinger when Phil goes on to say "As not a human, that doesn't really bother me so much." ({{beat}}) "Death to the humans!"
* "Previously on '''[[MindScrew ACID]]!'''"
* "So let's review. EPCOT was a failed Experiment. It wasn't really a Prototype of anything 'cause they never built another one. It wasn't a Community 'cause nobody lived there. And it didn't magically transport you to Tomorrow unless you fell asleep on Universe of Energy (which was quite likely). It was barely even Of."

[[folder:The Walt Disney Family Museum]]

[[folder: ABC Goes to Disney World]]
* "Luscious locks" makes a return into the Channel Awesome new intro, now referring to literal door locks.
* "Remember the 1990s? That magical decade where Music/KurtCobain [[Disney/TheLionKing became king of Pride Rock]], UsefulNotes/BillClinton had an affair with [[Film/JurassicPark a Velociraptor]], and Creator/QuentinTarantino [[Recap/TheSimpsonsS7E4BartSellsHisSoul sold Bart Simpson's soul for pogs]] in the Wicked-Wicked-Film/WildWildWest?"
* "I devoted an entire introductory episode just to explaining the concept, which I literally just explained in- ''[[HongKongDub seventy-one]]" -seconds. [...] Endure!"
* Jerk's depicts the ABC laugh track audiences as being so brainwashed as to laugh at everything, including [[Series/FullHouse Michelle Tanner saying cutesy snarks]], "That's a lotta fish" from ''{{Film/Godzilla 1998}}'', and even ''Simba finding his father dead'' from ''Disney/TheLionKing''. Bonus points in that the shot of the audience laughing at the last scene includes [[TakeThatMe Jerk himself laughing in the crowd]].
* Jerk parodies Walt Disney's early "infomercial" documentaries about the building of Disneyland with an informercial of his own.
-->'''[[WebVideo/RBGProductions Spazz!Narrator]]''': Tired of the tired of thrillful drudgeries of ''rollercoasters''?
-->'''[[WebVideo/TheIdiotsLantern The Wire]]''': There's got to be a better way!
-->'''Spazz!Narrator''': Introducing Disneylandia, a coaster-free experience guaranteed to enhance your life.
-->'''[[WebVideo/WhatWeHadToWatch Il Neige]]''': Wait-wait-wait, so are you telling me an amusement park could actually enhance my life?
-->'''Jerk''': Who are you?
-->'''Spazz!Narrator''': I'm ''over here''.
-->'''[[WebVideo/WhatWeHadToWatch Il Neige]]''': (''turns around'') Wait-wait-wait, so are you telling me an amusement park could actually enhance my life?
-->'''Spazz!Narrator''': Why, just listen to these convincing testimonies.
-->'''Rosenhacker''': Thanks to Disneylandia, I learned to believe in everything!
-->'''Mike Eddy''': [[TheStoic I learned how to be happy and smile more]].
-->'''Spazz!Narrator''': I learned exactly why God kills people!
-->'''Jerk''': ...what's a Disneylandia-
-->'''All''': Thanks, Disneylandia!!!
* "And The Mouse had very little to do with ABC until the 1980s, when a former ABC senior vice president named '[[MichaelEisner Oh god him again]]' became the new CEO of Disney."
* When Eisner and Mickey ride the Sky Tram.
-->'''Jerk''': "Oh crap, the skyline's stuck again. Can someone get them down before one of them eats the other? If Mickey finds out how good Jews taste, we're all doomed. ({{beat}}) Oh, too late. So, who wants to let me [[Literature/TheDiaryOfAYoungGirl live in their attic?]]" (''LaughTrack'')
* Jerk's most meta gag yet: After the fake commercial is over, he wipes the grainy film off the screen and shoves the letterbox aside with his elbows.
* Jerk's ABC theme show parody, which plays a dozen theme songs simultaneously in an inaudible cacophony, stars him as every character, keeps going well after it should have ended, and results in him trying to escape it, to the point that he shoots him, nukes his city, and then ''is car-chased by it live on the Golden Gate Bridge''. In fact, it ends up resembling [[Series/TooManyCooks a certain show openings parody]] [[HilariousInHindsight that debuted a year later]]...
** "[[CaptionHumor Edited by Tony Goldmark and Tony Goldmark's Illegal Download of Adobe Premiere]]. Format Ripped Off From Creator/DougWalker and [[http://jimhillmedia.com/ Jim Hill]]."
* Jerk's ''Film/EscapeFromTomorrow'' parody.
* Jerk attempts to pass himself off as [[ElvisLives Elvis back from the dead]], now in the "[[BlatantLies lucrative field of Internet reviewing".
-->'''Jerk!Elvis''': (''GlassesPull'') You know, ''they don't shoot me below the waist neither''. (''Dances to "Jailhouse Rock"'')
** Later:
-->'''Jerk''': They kicked me out for my Elvis dance, the bloody Philistines. Also I drunkenly urinated on the Walt statue. Also it's a block-out day.
-->'''The Wire''': Well that's just what you get for using the front gate like a sucker! (''{{Beat}}'') Disney cops. Gotta run!
* Jerk notes the laugh tracks still playing during the Disney World episodes, and wonders if the audiences were forced to tag along to laugh at the characters.
-->'''Jerk''': (''canned laughters) Can we go ride rides now?
-->'''ABC Exec''': NO! We're paying you to laugh, not to have fun!
* "Can you imagine having Disney World being advertised at you this incessantly? Even without-" (''[[SelfDeprecation Cut to Blip Disney World midroll ad]], before [[StuffBlowingUp Jerk blows it up]] with the TNT from Toontoon.'')
* After [[ItMakesSenseInContext Jerk gets trapped inside a TV]], he only has to mention the Disney World episode of ''Full House'' before [[TastesLikeDiabetes the TV vomits him out]].

[[folder: Full House Goes to Disney World]]

[[folder: Family Matters Goes to Disney World]]
* This gem:
-->'''Erkel:''' It alters my DNA code on a genetic level, changing me into a completely different person.
-->'''Jerk:''' I call it a re[[Series/DoctorWho tardis]]!

[[folder: Roseanne Goes to Disney World]]

[[folder: Step by Step Goes to Disney World]]
* The RunningGag that the show is so unmemorable that Jerk forgets it just a few seconds after watching it.
** "This show is like a [[Film/TheMatrix televised blue pill]]; You took it and you instantly forgot everything about it!"
-->'''Jerk''': Oh boy, a new show with Patrick Duffy! I like him! (''munches popcorn'') Wow! Patrick Duffy's in this show too! He looks great for his age. (''munches more popcorn'') Holy shit, is that Patrick Duffy? Wow, this show just gets better and better. (''notices popcorn'') This is popcorn! I love popcorn! Hahaha- where am I?
** "I watched this episode earlier to prepare and then instantly forgot everything about it, so excuse me while I watch it again." (''Caption: Forty-four minutes later'')
** "So they go to Disney World thanks to their grandmother..." (''one minute later'') "So they go to Disney World thanks to their grandmother, played by [[Series/LostInSpace June Lockhart]] of all people..." (''two and a half minutes later'') What am I doing again? Oh yeah, this shit. So they go to Disney World thanks to their grandmother, played by June Lockhart of all people...
* Jerk musing over the rollercoaster in the "county fair" opening of the show.
-->'''Jerk''': As a side note, that thing must be a bitch to lug from county to county every summer. (''sees the Six Flags Sky Tower in the background'') Ohhh, it's Magic Mountain, that makes perfect sens- HOLY SHIT THE I-5 HAS FLOODED!! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!!! ''AAAAAAAAAAAA-''
* After recapping the show's ClicheStorm plot
-->'''[[Franchise/DieHard Sgt. Powell]]''': They got the universal terrorist's playbook, and they're running it ''step by step''.
* When Jerk sees the mother is named Carol just like the mother from ''Series/TheBradyBunch''.
-->'''Jerk''': It was already blatant ''Brady Bunch'' ripoff and they had the ''gall'' to name the mother with hair of gold "Carol", out of all the female names. You know, I actually kinda admire that. You know what, I actually kinda admire that. So many writers go to such great length to hide their thieving hackery, and this show flat-out embraced it. I mean, Mark Zuckerberg didn't call his site "[[{{Website/Facebook}} Winkelbook]]", Music/VanillaIce didn't call that song "Ice Ice Pressure", and I sure as hell don't start every show saying-
-->'''Jerk![[WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic Nostalgia Critic]]''': Hellooo, I'm the Vacation Critic. I encounter it because you don't get to! Do you ever start out a sentence very calmly and rationally, AND THEN EXPLODE INTO A FIT OF RAGE FOR NO GOOD REASON?!?! ''This'' is ''Series/StepByStep''!
-->'''Jerk''': You know why I don't do that? Because I. Don't. Know. Why. Either. I've forgotten everything again. ...what am I doing?
* "Doesn't summer vacation last longer than one week? Apparently not! Fuckin' Obama..."
* After Carol tells Dan some innuendo-laced teases in front of their infant child:
-->'''Jerk!Lilly'''': Every time I see a Disney park commercial I just start screaming and puking and I don't know why. I can't even watch Blip anymore-
-->'''Jerk!Therapist''': [[TakeThatMe What the hell is Blip...]]
-->'''Jerk!Lilly''': And it's even worse with their new ad campaign.
-->'''Commercial''': Disney World: Where your parents have sex.
-->'''Grandma''': Jean-Claude and I have ''plans''.
-->'''Commercial''': Disney World: Where your grandma has better sex.
* Jerk's utter confusion over the characters' going to a fictional Disney World restaurant called "Pinetta's." The closest equivalent he finds is a [[https://plus.google.com/111755106432626265230/about?gl=us&hl=en an obscure restaurant in Louisiana]].
-->'''Jerk''': Was it this hard to find an expensive restaurant in ''Disney World?!'' The freaking churros have installment plans!
* "This joke brought to you by Website/{{IMDb}}: What you do instead of things!"
* So, is anyone else a little unnerved by how horny everyone is...
-->'''Commercial''': Disney World: Basically an orgy with churros.
* When the girls learn about a country music contest for a college scholarship.
-->'''Jerk!Southerner''': 'Cause if there's one thing we country folk love, it's higher edumacation! Ain't that right, [[{{WesternAnimation/Cars}} Mater]]?
-->Jerk!Mater''': Sure! I hired me an edumacation last week! Then I ran him over for talking French!
* "And now my ''Step by Step'' review is stealing ''Die Hard'' references from my ''Family Matters'' review. Have you no shame?!"
* After Dana calls Karen the "queen of the Nashville Nazis".
-->'''Jerk''': I've just found the name of my new cover band.
* Jerk's parody commercials, which include a very ear-painful Patrick Duffy commercial and a surreal Thighmaster commercial.
-->'''Commercial''': So it's easy to squeeze, squeeze, ''squeeze'', ''squeeze'', ''SQUEEZE'', ''SQUEEZE'', '''''SQUEEZE''''', '''''SQUEEZE'''''-
* Jerk's song for the "inspirational montage"? "Learning To Read Made Me Cool", an obvious community service contractual requirement.
* When the show has a CriticalResearchFailure during the subplot of Flash riding every Disney World ride.
-->'''Flash''': As soon as I'm done with Astro Orbiter, I'm on my way to Alien Encounter.
-->'''Mark''': Negative, repeat, that's a negative, Flash. Plans have changed on Alien Encounter. Access route is impeded. Parade in progress.
-->'''Jerk''': ...but, both those things were in Tomorrowland. The parades never went through Tomorrowland.
-->'''Mark''': Please choose alternate route going through Fantasyland, and proceed directly to Jungle Cruise, over.
-->'''Jerk''': That does go through the parade! Are you insane?! You- ...you're trying to sabotage him. You commie bastard, you were working for the Ruskies this whole time! You diabolic-
-->'''Jerk!Mark''': (''points gun'') Just back away, man. You have ''no idea'' how high this goes.
-->'''Jerk''': ...take it easy, alright, it's just a theme park-
-->'''Jerk!Mark''': IT'S NEVER JUST A THEME PARK! This involves the NSA, the World Bank, {{ComicBook/SHIELD}}, Rob Ford! You think Pinetta's was erased from history by accident? IT KNEW TOO MUCH!!
-->'''Jerk''': Calm down, okay? I mean, it's ''Step by Step'', I'm going to forget everything about this episode the instant it's over, it's ''Step by Step''- oh my god.
-->'''Jerk!Mark''': What?
-->'''Jerk''': The show's called ''Step by Step'', and it's about ''stepsiblings''.
-->'''Jerk!Mark''': [[FridgeBrilliance Whoa]]...
-->'''Jerk''': I literally just this moment noticed that.
-->'''Jerk!Mark''': Holy Christ on a cracker...
-->'''Jerk''': This show is ''deep''!
-->'''Jerk!Mark''': I know, right?
-->'''Jerk''': So, we still on for bowling on Thursday?
-->'''Jerk!Mark''': Only if you buy the shoes!
* After seeing [[NoOSHACompliance Flash being suddenly hired to play Indiana Jones in the Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular]], Jerk plays a movie montage of [[BigNo characters yelling "NOOOO!!!"]] that lasts for ''almost a whole minute''.
* "Where do you draw the line between suspension of disbelief and false advertising?"
-->'''Commercial''': Disney World: Where your kids perform death-defying stunts in front of thousands of witnesses and the restraints on thrill rides are optional because Mickey Mouse ice cream bars give you the power to fly and if you buy two of every plush toy your mom and dad will get back together and grandma will finally wake up!
* After Flash breaks the world record for riding all the Disney World rides in under 4 days:
-->'''Jerk''': And two years later Animal Kingdom opened and his record got smeared with an asterisk. (''Franchise/SuperMarioBros GameOver music'')

[[folder: Boy Meets World Goes to Disney World]]

[[folder: Sabrina The Teenage Witch Goes to Disney World]]
* "Previously On Next Time" (''fast-forwards through the entire episode'') "And now, in slow motion."
* Jerk's nickname for the show and Animal Kingdom: "Girl Meets Other World" and "[[OddlyNamedSequel2ElectricBoogaloo Epcot 2: Acoustic Zoogaloo]]."
* "[[AWizardDidIt Magic: Because Fuck You]]"
* After Sabrina casually whines about causing El Niño during a magic exam:
-->'''Jerk''': Millions of innocent people lost everything they own including ''their lives'' at my hand. Their tears will haunt my dreams forever! (''Wah-wah sound effect'')
-->'''Narrator''': That's next week on ''That Darn God''!
* The frequent ''Literature/HarryPotter'' references, including dubbing her witch exams as her "O.W.L.S." and claimed she needs to practice her "Gobblydegook" (goblin language).
* After Sabrina's teacher Mr. Kraft gives the cast their hotel numbers while at the entrance of Animal Kingdom:
-->'''Jerk! ''': As you can see, I've brought you all the way here to the park entrance only to ''send you away to your hotel rooms!'' Wasn't that a nice trip? You see, I psychologically torture you young ones to compensate for being [[MartinMull one of the greatest comedians of my generation]] and yet... stuck playing a clueless principal on ABC. ...well, at least it's not a clueless dad on Fox.
* The sketch after Sabrina's aunts use a fossilized bone to resurrect a caveman in which Sabrina's aunt (Played by [[WebVideo/TheIdiotsLantern the Wire]]) keeps killing Sabrina ([[ActingForTwo also played by the Wire]]) and resurrecting her after 100 years to solve her sitcom-y problems.
** Sabrina: My history homework doesn't make any sense. When did we go to war with [=LEGOland=]?

[[folder: ABC Goes to DisneyLAND]]
* "[[EarWorm Jim Belushi drowning in a sea of diarrhea!]]"