Moments subpages are Spoilers Off per policy. You Have Been Warned.
Pilot
- In the opening, Cash, Voodoo and Stats tell Johnny and Hank that their new partner is a former Navy SEAL, and they thus expect a complete hardass. Brian, it turns out, is a volunteer at Easter Seals. He is most certainly not a hardass.
- After Brian learns that Hank is gay, he tries to be friendly by talking about how he finds Tim Tebow handsome. Hank looks bemused.
- Brian decides to take point on one of their cases. Said case turns out to be some poor bastard who stuck a bottle up his ass.
- Johnny and Hank get Brian drunk so that they can use his car to tail Theresa on her date. Brian ends up drunk and naked in the backseat.
A Bitch Named Karma
- Johnny and Hank's plot to escape teaching a CPR class so that they can go to a football game goes horribly, hilariously wrong.
- Billy boasts about his plans to start a charity that delivers food to the handicapped and the homeless. One of the guys points out that such a thing already exists, called "Meals On Wheels".
Rachel McAdams, Topless
- The guys are implored by the guy currently on the stretcher to go back into his apartment and delete his web browser history before his wife finds it. They go, and discover that the guy's been watching a movie of a woman having sex with a horse. Their collective reaction is priceless.
- While sneaking into Theresa's house, the guys encounter Billy... who's completely buck naked. And apparently very well hung.Johnny: Why are you naked?! And why is your... penis so big?
Billy: It's not that big...
Hank: I say this as a black man and a gay dude... your cock is enormous.
Billy: Really? Thanks, man. My brothers are bigger. I'm the smallest one in my family.
Hank: I would love to visit their house for Thanksgiving...
Famous Last Words
- While debating if the mysterious "Catherine" that Brian wants to find spells her name with a "C" or a "K", Johnny mentions once encountering a black woman who spelled it with a "Q". Hank remarks that black people love the letter Q... except when it comes to "Kwanzaa".Hank: They really dropped the ball on that one.
- Hank tells Johnny that he's the only man in all of human history who would be smarter if he thought with his dick.
- Johnny goes to visit his mom in order to find out if she knows where his dad lives, and runs into Theresa. In yoga pants. And his mom is also in yoga pants. And they're doing stretches. Poor Johnny's eyeballs.
- Brian and Hank try to track down the missing Catherine, convinced that she was secretly the love of their dead patient's life. Catherine, it turns out, is a lesbian that the dead guy was stalking, and when Brian and Hank show up at her doorstop, claiming to have a message from the guy, she nearly sics a pitbull on them, only to bust out in celebration when she finds out that the bastard's dead.
Alcohol Related Injury
- After managing to toss a slice of pickle from the couch into a trash bin, Johnny calls Hank to brag about it.
- This somehow segues into Hank and Johnny placing a wager on a spelling bee.
- After a night of drunk sex with Johnny, Theresa wakes up with a dollar bill stuck to her ass.
- The guy with the lawn dart in his shoulder insists on taking a selfie.
- Brian actually has a list of all the medical emergencies that he wants to treat as an EMT.
- After saving a heroin addict, Brian asks the guy and his girlfriend to take a picture of him so that he can mark the occasion. The couple run off with his cellphone.
The Finger
- The guys try and warn Brian about trying to court Voodoo, calling her "Darth Vader with tits".
- Hank brings Cash home to meet his mother, and discovers much to his horror that the two of them develop a Slap-Slap-Kiss flirtation.
- Brian finally wins Voodoo over by bringing her a birdhouse with a severed finger in it.
Till Jeff Do Us Part
- Cash's repeated attempts throughout the episode to get Hank to see him as a father figure."You can date all the boys in Boystown that you want! You'd be exhausted, but you could still do it.""That was your important, touching father-son-type message?""Goddammit, I'm new to this shit!"
- Brian learns the proper way to treat a groin injury. Being the over-enthusiastic guy that he is, he's thrilled when, later in the episode, Theresa kicks a guy in the crotch, giving him a perfect excuse to use his new skill.
- Theresa actually kicking the guy is pretty good, too. After listening to him rant about how women can't make good cops, she finally threatens to kick his ass. "What are you gonna do, kick me in my nuts?"*WHAM!!!* "You kicked me in my nuts!"
- While at the gay wedding, Johnny gets picked up by a Latino guy who teaches him how to dance. He actually turns out to be pretty good at dancing, and at the end, the Latino guy gives him his number.
Itsy Bitsy Spider
- An ungrateful patient tells Hank to eat a bag of dicks. Hank retorts that he's not allowed to accept gratuities.
- Billy manages to disarm a drunk shooter with a grappling technique that he calls "that thing we learned in that class".
- Hank gets a spider on his arm and screams like a little girl as a woman with a gunshot wound looks on in disbelief and disgust.
There's No "I" In Cream
- Stats develops a "feminine itch" while riding in the ambulance. Voodoo tells her there's a spray in the back of the rig that will relieve it, and advises her to just go for it. As Stats sprays herself down and groans with relief, the camera focuses on Cash, who just stares ahead and looks appalled.
- Johnny finally learns the fate of the missing Bavarian Cream - Mac was hoarding it in her office, but has fallen asleep with it resting on her chest. Despite being warned by the others that she'll probably kill him if she catches him, he grabs it, takes a bite... and then shrugs, unimpressed with the taste.
Shotgun Wedding
- Theresa gets shot in the arm, but is mostly calm. Meanwhile, Billy, who's completely unharmed, freaks out so badly that Hank finally sedates him.
- Even earlier, after Theresa calls in for her own medical attention, Billy at first doesn't notice anything's wrong. When Theresa turns around and shows him the arm that got injured, he rattles off some rapid-fire gibberish and promptly faints. She updates the call.Theresa: One officer down, one officer... kind of a pussy.
- Johnny and Theresa's plan to get married as quietly and covertly as possible runs into multiple hilarious complications.
- Hank grumpily telling Johnny that he, as a gay man, knows more about women than Johnny does as he saves Johnny from humiliating himself because Johnny had forgotten about getting an engagement ring.
- Johnny's horrified reaction when Hank tells him how much the ring cost.
- Maeve attempts to upstage Theresa by wearing a fancy dress to Theresa's wedding while the bride is just wearing street clothes. Cue Theresa walking down the aisle in said dress while Maeve grumpily looks on while wearing Theresa's clothes.
- Billy sings a song in English and Spanish as Theresa walks down the aisle, but can't stop himself from bawling in the process.
Six Feet Over/Under
- In "Six Feet Over/Under", we're treated to two genuinely moving scenes where Johnny and his mother confess how they really feel to Johnny's comatose father. Then he wakes up, reveals he could hear everything, and throws it all back in their faces as Johnny's mother determines who won the death pool (she did and Johnny won the over/under)!
- Brian and Billy move in together and they, and their girlfriends, start carving out areas that each couple can use exclusively for sex.
