- The tampon scene.
- And afterward when Duke does use them for a nosebleed, and decides they actually work well for that role.
- Everything about Principal Gold.
Gold: I'd like to say welcome. (singing) Welcome to, Illyria, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome... to Illyria! (speaking again) I just wanted to say 'welcome'!
- When he welcomes her to the school.
Gold: Getting to know the opposite sex, are we? Male-female dynamics, all that. Sexual tension! It's all part of the high school experience. Continue, continue, please. But keep it cleaned up. Abstinence is key, abstinence is the best way to not is to not... (leaves)
- When Viola and Olivia meet by walking into each other.
Viola: Mom, I will pick out my own dress. And no, I will not wear high heels. Because heels are a male invention designed to make women's butts look smaller... and to make it harder for them to run away.Principal Gold: Malcolm, have you ever tried to run away in high heels?Malcolm: No, sir, I...Principal Gold: Not that easy. Not that easy...
- When Malcolm and Principal Gold overhear Viola:
- Toby taking his pals to task for making fun of his interest in Eunice.
Toby: Man, I hate high school!
- After Sebastian pulls down his soccer shorts in front of everyone to prove he's a boy:
Eunice: Soccer is the world's favorite sport.
Girl: Nice work, Paul.
- One of Paul's arm candy girls just can't help ribbing him about this too:
- Viola likewise pulls up her shirt at the end of the move to prove she's a girl. A heavenly light shines from them to the boys' faces.
- "Is it just me or does this soccer game have more nudity than most?"
- Viola's Groin Attack and her delayed reaction.
Viola: Uh... oh. AAAAAAAAAAHH! Oh for the love of God! It buuurns!
- "Girls with asses like mine do not talk to boys with faces like yours." It's somehow funnier because Duke isn't even trying to hide his laughter.
- Viola-as-Sebastian's little freakout just before going into Illyria for the first time.
- The entire scene where Malcolm's pet tarantula, Malvolio, gets into Duke and "Sebastian's" room. Duke's Stoic composure goes totally out the window, and the two end up screaming and clinging to each other, jumping from bed to bed to avoid Malvolio.