Funny / Semi-Pro

• The entirety of the scene where Jackie pulls his team out of the game. It all starts with Father Pat accusing Jackie of traveling.
  Pat: *refereeing* Traveling!
  Jackie: No, no, no, no! One and a half step!
  Pat: C'mon, Jackie, you walked.
  Jackie: SUCK MY COCK! I'LL MURDER YOUR FAMILY!
  Pat: *blows whistle again* You're gone, Jackie Moon!
  Jackie: What did I say?!
  Pat: You said S my C!
  Jackie: *grabs the ball from Pat and punts it into the stands*
  Dick Pepperfield: ...And one lucky fan will go home with the game ball.
  Jackie: That's your head next time.
  Pat: You're a big baby, Jackie.
  Dick Pepperfield: Jackie Moon and the referee really going at it here.
  Jackie: I didn't say anything!
  Pat: You said S my C!
  Jackie: I barely raised my voice!
  Pat: I should call your mother!
  Jackie: You'll need a phone to Heaven to do that!
  Pat: Maybe your mom didn't go to Heaven.
  *dismayed murmuring from the announcers*
  Dick Pepperfield: And it appears a line has been crossed...by Father Pat, of all people.
• SOMEBODY HIT SOMEBODY!
• The poker game. Cornelius calls Lou a jive turkey, which Jackie tries to walk back... by insisting that Cornelius called Lou a cocksucker instead. Things only escalate from there.
• "I wish you were still a washing machine!"
  • "Have you ever been punched in the jejunum?"
• Jackie's corn dog promotion, especially considering that he's well aware he doesn't even have corn dogs.
  Jackie: Goddamn it, Vakidis! Learn fucking English!
  Pat: Corn dogs, Jackie! Corn dogs for all these people!