History Funny / STAR

** In the next clip Jerma grabs a Small Med Pack... [[WhatAnIdiot right in STAR_'s line of sights]]. Needless to say he goes flying via getting killed by rocket.

* In [[http://youtu.be/ZHdmH61R0cQ H1Z1 The Game]], Star encounters a bear which has somehow contrived to get up on the roof of a furniture store. Star laughs at it for a bit and [[TemptingFate assures a nearby player that it's stuck on the roof and can't get down.]] A short time later he's exploring an office when that same bear comes [[IncrediblyLamePun BEARrelling]] through the doorway to maul him while epic music plays in the background.

'''Star''': [[ExactWords Okay.]] *At the top of his lungs* '''JERMA THE CRITS! JERMA!'''

* See the Community Created Content folder of Funny.TeamFortress2.

-->'''STAR_''': Yagahh. Who needs Market Gardeners? [[BlatantLies I don't]].

-->'''STAR_''': What is this?! WHAT IS THIS?!? (''STAR_'s taunt kills them both'')

-->'''STAR_'''"What's up there?! ...you're out of ammo!!" (''Later'') "[[HypocriticalHumor Why would you make fun of the Heavy]]?"

-->'''Jerma''': (''STAR_ as a Pyro keeps airblasting him away'') You wanna play that game? Keep like, keep like knocking me around. (''STAR_ instead whips out his shotgun and kills him.'') You f***ing c**t...
-->'''Jerma''': (''As a Soldier'') [I'm] gonna shit in everybody in this room's cereal (''STAR_ reflects all his rockets, killing Jerma'') ...and by that I mean miss every shot.
-->'''Jerma''': (''As a Huntsman Sniper'') If I don't get three headshots in a row right now, I'm ''going'' to reach into the toilet and eat my own shit. (''STAR_, as a Heavy, leaps up to [[AnnoyingArrows absorb his arrow]], Jerma immediately falls AFK'') I'll be back, I gotta eat my own shit. ...I'm not gonna use that, you think I'm gonna use that? You crazy?
-->'''STAR_''': [[LeftItIn R u crazy]]??
-->'''Jerma''': (''As a Demoknight'') Damn sentry over there. There's a sentry up there too, isn't there- (''Pyro!STAR_ starts airblasting him'') Whoa, whoa, hey. What the fuck. (''STAR_ airblasts him into the Sentry, killing Jerma'') GET THE FU- (''sighs'') I seriously thought this was just you.
-->'''STAR_''': What?
-->'''Jerma''': There is a Pyro, just airblasting me in the air, over and over again. (''STAR_ laughs'') I, I really checked and thought, that's STAR_ and it's not you.
-->'''STAR_''': [[ButHeSoundsHandsome I wanna add him to friends, who is he]]?

-->'''Jerma''': This guy's name is U SUX!! Haha! Hahahaha! ...oh my god, that's ''you''.
-->'''STAR_''': (''bursts out laughing'') Oh and I got it on recording that you got ''upset'' about it.
-->'''Jerma''': Oh - my - god... (''laughing'') you fucking dick...
-->'''STAR_''': (''headshots him again and taunts again'') I came to ruin your gameplay.

-->'''Jerma''': ('''key smashing''') I'm ''seriously'' gonna go sit down on the toilet and piss up into my face. (''Cue STAR_'s laughter'')

-->'''Jerma''': I'm going to try as hard as I- I'm going to be the sweatiest fucking try-hard in this server. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to be a silent but deadly smelly fart in your face. I hope you're ready. (''Caption: Best Attempt In 5, 4, 3, 2, 1'')
-->(''Jerma rocket jumps out of the spawn, STAR_ shoots him out of midair, and Jerma dies due to fall damage. STAR_ gains another Domination on him.'')

-->'''Jerma''': (''running up to STAR_'') Oh ho ho, lookit! (''[[NotSoHarmless STAR_kills him with a tauntkill]], [[ActuallyPrettyFunny Jerma loses it laughing]]'')

-->'''STAR_''': Have you ever played this game before? It's called ''[=TF2=]'', it's free-to-play, um, people always make jokes about how there's hats in it, Gabe Newell, ''Half-Life 3'' confirmed...

-->'''STAR_''': (''narrating'') Just find my way out there, get some backstabs, make some plays. (''The Spy begins stabbing a pumpkin'') Get the pumpkin, gonna get the pumpkin!
-->'''Jerma''': Yeah, come on, [[SarcasmMode that was dangerous]]! That was a (''laughing'') dangerous pumpkin!
-->'''STAR_''': (''narrating'') Walk across the field ''into TWO PYROS!''
-->(''Later on, [[TemptingFate the Spy stares at a sticky mine]], before [[SmartBall eventually shooting it]].'')
-->'''STAR_''': (''laughs'') Who IS this guy?
-->'''Jerma''': I don't know, but he's a real team player!

-->'''Jerma''': Can't even play the fucking goddamn game. (''in a mocking voice'') Hey, I'm so good, I play Sniper, I headshot everyone! Gaaa, yeah, [[TitleDrop Jerma Is Mad part 3]]! Wow, [[VulgarHumor let's put cigarettes out on my dick]]!

-->'''Jerma:''' STAR_, if you're editing this together, ''don't'' [[LeftItIn use the "put cigarettes out on my dick" line]], okay? [[ShareTheMalePain It was offensive, it was uncalled for]], [[GroinAttack nobody should put out a cigarette on their penis, for any reason]].

-->'''Jerma''': Who knows the truth... (''STAR_'s caption: Let me find out...'') Who really knows the truth of where he is and what he's doing... (''STAR_ goes to spectate'') Nobody knows. (''Caption: I know.'') The only person who knows the truth is ''me''. And the truth shall set you free! (''STAR_ rejoins the game'') The truth shall set you— (''STAR_ kills him, muffled sounds of Jerma beating his keyboard in anger'')
-->'''STAR_''': (''laughs'') Get! Decimated!
-->'''Jerma''': [[ThisCannotBe There is no — there is no way you would have known that!]] There is no conceivable fucking way you would have known I was standing right there!

-->'''STAR_''': (''Watching an Engineer build a Sentry through deathcam'') I wasn't sure if I was gonna make the video, but at this point I'm like: "You know what, how could I like just ''not'' use that clip?" (''A Pumpkin Bomb spawns next to the Sentry, the Engineer accidentally whacks it and kills himself'') Oh my fucking God! Engineer! How could I not use ''that'' clip?!

-->'''Jerma''': (''once again Cloak and Dagger invisible'') I am in a secret special spot, that you'll never- (''STAR_ rocket jumps, inadvertently killing the invisible Jerma'')

-->'''Jerma''': (''after killing STAR_'') Get fucked. Get fucked. Get outta town!
-->'''STAR_''': ''That's you?!'' That's seriously you?! I wasn't- Oh, ''that's'' how you kill me? The only reason I wasn't, like, fighting you was because I was like "there is no way he's like this stupid Brass Beast Heavy who's just mindlessly revved up." Like you suddenly become sentient when I get near you. [...] Dude, you were- nobody does that with the Brass Beast unless you've played this game for like 20 minutes. With the ''Gibus'' on. Okay, you figured out a way to get me.
-->'''Jerma''': (''laughs'') With the Gibus on... I won! I did it!

-->'''Jerma''': If I don't get an over heal right now, I'm going to cause a lot of problems for you two.
-->'''Ashlelang''': Oh?
-->'''STAR_ Text''': [[SarcasmMode Jerma causing a lot of problems.]]
-->'''STAR_''': *kills BLU Spy Jerma by juggling him as Soldier* [[DeadpanSnarker Oh, no, that was really problematic]].
-->'''Jerma''': *mockingly* Oh, I'm STAR_, I have a pocket medic, that's how I got 17 kills in a row!

-->'''Jerma''': Fucking dammit, I knew you were around the goddamn corner; I still... (*sighs wearily*) I am going to fucking kill both of you motherfuckers!
-->'''STAR_''': *chuckling* Wow, tone it back!

--> '''Jerma:''' Hey STAR_, watch your head! ''([[EpicFail his arrow misses by a hair's breadth]])'' FUCK!
--> '''STAR_:''' Hey, Jerma. ''(blows him up)'' [[BondOneLiner Watch, you're dead.]]

-->'''Jerma:''' SSSHHH! BE QUIET. BE QUIET, MY SON.
-->'''STAR_:''' ''(nervously)'' Alright, man. Okay.

-->'''Auzzie''': WORST DAY EVER!

-->'''Star_''': See, it's okay for trucks to go through [this arch]. The sign says "truck", so it's okay.\\

-->'''Jerma:''' "Supercalifragalic- I don't even remember it, but you have to say it!
-->'''Star_:''' "[[GeniusBonus Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis]]."
-->'''Jerma:''' "There it is." ''[pops uber]''

-->'''Sezco''': Watch out, he's gonna put it under you... like a diaper.

-->'''Tagg''': Where did he put it?
-->'''STAR_''': It'll come when you least expect it... like a diaper.
-->'''Tagg''': (''laughing'') Diapers are unexpected... in society...

-->'''Tagg''': This tank has, like, lived past its expiration date.
-->'''Sezco''': Like a diaper.

-->'''Jerma''': What? What?! STAR_, did you just put the teleporter underneath me? Your teleporter, I just went back to spawn... what the hell, did I just step on it or something?
-->'''STAR_''': [[BlatantLies Well, no, my teleporter hasn't moved]].
-->'''Phrakture''': It's been up at the staircase the entire time.
-->'''Jerma''': Well, I walked into it and I teleported back to the exit where the-
-->'''Tagg''': There's a "teleport back to spawn" canteen, you know. Did you hit that on accident?
-->'''Jerma''': No. I don't have any canteens.
-->'''Phrakture''': Did you walk all the way back to spawn and then forget that you walked there?
-->'''Jerma''': (''laughs'') No, I was shooting the, uh, big Scout on the-
-->'''Tagg''': Do you think he ever left spawn?

-->'''Jerma''': Oh my fucking god... Fell down the hole too.
-->'''STAR_''': [[ButtMonkey This is why I like you, Jerma]].
-->'''Tagg''': 'Cause you're the only one that falls for it.

-->'''Jerma''': Whatizat- you dick! You fucking asshole!
-->'''STAR_''': Everyone knows that's why you don't use the Brass Beast.
-->'''Jerma''': Oh, so like your friend can't get a Sentry Buster to kill you?! Yeah. It's ain't gonna happen again! ([[spoiler:Right after this, Jerma gets teleported to the pit and falls in.]]

-->'''STAR_''': I deserve this. (''his team groans and complains'')

-->'''STAR_''': *Heavily slurred* Hey everybody it's *gibberish*! Now, now go.
-->'''[=Ma3laa=]''': And Boo is in the call!

-->'''STAR_''': Are they color-coded now for their sack content? Is that what this is?
-->'''[=Ma3laa=]''': I picked up the wrong sack! Apparently red sacks are bad for you. Who knew?

-->'''STAR_''': See, there's like hats flying everywhere, I can't tell if this is a sack or if it's just another guy's viking beard. [[AccidentalInnuendo What's the black sack]]?
-->'''[=Ma3laa=]''': *Small wheeze* D-Do you want me to answer that?

-->'''[=Ma3laa=]''': Have you heard Gaben told me it's called the Loch N' Load because he'd probably use it?
-->'''STAR_''': *Laughing* Alright, I'm doing it! Okay.

-->'''STAR_''': *Laughing again* Why were you taking kids to the Bone Zone!?
-->'''[=Ma3laa=]''': *Chuckling* 'Cause I had- It was a school project thing, okay?
-->'''STAR_''': That's not a good reason!
*** The story somewhat goes like this: The kids are playing under a rhino with a giant plastic dick, and then they started to throw dirt at eachother, smacking eachother in the face with a plastic shovel, punching eachother in the face, and then an old lady sprant over with her stroller that has a baby inside, starts yelling at [=Ma3laa=] to take control of his kids, even though they aren't his.

-->'''[=Ma3laa=]:''' Oh god, I have like 4 FPS
-->'''STAR_:''' My sound, my game sound, is just ''[[SensoryAbuse done]]''

-->'''STAR_:''' You know, actually, this rocket launcher is so bad, and does ''so'' little damage, that this guy is cheating and using a [[CherryTapping pistol]], and it's ''better''.

-->'''STAR_''': [[FlatJoy Wowwww]]. My beloved Japan! (''Caption: I've never been here!'') [...] I'll be staying with two brothers I met in a chat room, Makoto and Akira, but they're actually both ''goils!!'' (''Sudden {{Eyedscreen}} on both sisters.'') Wwwhat?! I could'va sworn they were boys. ...wait a minute! What if you ARE both boys! (''DutchAngle zoom-in on Makoto while scary music plays'')
-->'''Makoto''': (''robotic voice'') Ex-cuse-me-sor-ry-to-bo-ther-you-but-are-you-Ba-rack-O-ba-ma?
-->(''clip of Obama, captioned "SHE KNOWS"'')

-->'''STAR_''': I've never had water in America.
-->'''Akira''': Yeah! Water, tea, and a hand wipe after the maid's are done with you are the basics of Japanese hospitality!
-->'''STAR_''': Oh yeah, you know, I could see that, you know. Japan is really attentive to your needs. (''Beat'') What absolutely ridiculous Japanese propaganda game am I playing right now?! [...] Well you know what, screw you, at least America doesn't make propaganda games. Screw you, Obeezie out. (''Cut to a clip of a commerical for'' VideoGame/AmericasArmy)

-->'''Makoto''': My-hu-man-sis-ter-must-still-be-a-sleep-would-you-please-go-wake-her-up?
-->'''STAR_''': I already see where this is going. How could this not be where this is going? I'm gonna entertain the idea and go wake her up, sure, but I gotta tell ya, I didn't come all the way from Sweden to, you know...

-->'''STAR_''': I just wanted to learn about Japan! I'm gonna be real now right now, I'm getting the ''fuck'' out of here! I just wanted to learn about Japan! You guys are twisted! (''teddy bear in the background gains flaming eyes and an evil voice'') I don't know what to do, they just keep coming at me, I don't know what to do, they - just- keep... (''sees screenshot of his in-game avatar, with HiddenEyes'') Wait, I have no eyes!!!

-->'''Makoto''': I-love-you-I-am-in-love-with-you-pro-cess-ing-e-mo-tion.
-->'''STAR_''': I thought you were a robot, for a little while to be honest, but I feel the same way. Mmm. Ahh. Mmm. (''starts making duck noises'') I'm so glad I came to Japan to see you. This has been amazing for me.
-->'''Makoto''': Kiss-me-again. (''puckers up, [[spoiler:rips off half her face to reveal a robot one]]''[[spoiler:) EXTERMINATE!!!]]

-->''...minisentry. Mini'''''[[SuddenlyShouting SENTRY-]]'''
-->*keyboard mashing sounds, random window shows up on top of [=TF2=]*
-->''...I would like to say, that Windows Help and Support came up in my screen right now, because of how hard I hit my keyboard.''

-->'''STAR_:''' ...you hover over things, and it just, like, cuts your ear open? '''''*DZZZT*'''''

-->'''STAR_:''' [[BondOneLiner That's right]], ''[[BondOneLiner you]]'' [[BondOneLiner be a part of soil]].

-->'''Jerma''': Yes, yess, YES. (''[[NoSell STAR_ whacks Jerma futilely with the Ham Shank]]'') I AM the winner of this battle... (''STAR_ pushes Jerma off the balcony. Jerma's invincibility wears off and STAR_ whacks him dead.'')

-->'''Medic''': You have like ''the perfect'' loudout for crits.
-->'''STAR_''': I am ready. (''They enter BLU base'') Just, just do it.
-->(''The Kritzkrieg activates but STAR_ gets headshot just as he rounds the corner, his entire team bursts out laughing'')

-->'''STAR_:''' So what we're gonna do right now, is follow four contestants through one episode of ''Sweet Genius'' to see [[BloodSport who gets to keep their life at the end]]... well, he probably actually [[CannibalismSuperpower eats the winner to absorb their cooking genius]], but whatever.

-->'''Jerma:''' ''Bewwies, bewwies, bewwies, bewwies.'' Gotta get some ''bewwies, bewwies, bewwies, bewwies.''

-->'''STAR_:''' ''<in the middle of Rami's unrestrained laughter, completely unfazed>'' I don't feel like it's high enough.

--->'''STAR_:''' Okay, let's not dive into this, let's take this ''real slow'', nice and easy... I see none of the characters... ''agree'' with me on this, but, I'm- I'm going slowly.

--->'''STAR_:''' Why... why do I have... why do I have 1 health?

--->'''STAR_:''' ''<after killing himself>'' '''BUHLB'''- melting...! Veins doesn't work!

--->'''Rami:''' Dude, I did something, and if this works, it's gonna be, by far... the ''dumbest'' thing that ever happened to a video game.
--->'''STAR_:''' I have the ''lowest'' expectations.

--->'''Rami:''' [[spoiler: Every missile you shoot turns into three... missiles... every second. And those new missiles will turn into three missiles every second.]]

--->'''STAR_:''' Oh, no, nononononononononoNONO, NO NO NO NO NO NO NO...! Everything blow up, please, PLEASE! ...I was ''so'' close to ending th-the... game, and just closing it there.
--->'''Rami:''' Oh my god, people watching now, that get introduced to this game, are ''SO'' confused.

--->'''STAR_:''' '''HOLY SHIT IT'S HORROR'''!! ''<breaks down into laughter>'' HOW DID- of all the ''NUKES'' I fired, how have I ''NOT'' destroyed radiation canisters?! That's ''all'' I've done!

--->'''Rami:''' So, I gave the nukes a bit of a... ''oomph''.

--->'''STAR_:''' ''<while trying to hold back laughter>'' You... fucking kidding me? It's a ''DISCO SHOW''! I'm in a fricking RAVE right now! Why did you think that '''THIS''' was the okay thing to do?
--->'''Rami:''' Isn't it beautiful?
--->'''STAR_:''' It actually really is! You wanna talk about art...?

--->'''Rami:''' This is how- this is- this is, like... if anybody ever asks me why I sh- why you should become a game developer, ''THIS'' is my answer. Like, I will just link them to this video.

--->'''STAR_:''' It's dead.

--->'''Rami:''' [[spoiler: Every second, it will split into two extra nukes. Now, the nukes, instead of firing lasers, will fire... uh, super flak cannons. Now the super flak cannons, will burst into flak cannons, when they hit the wall. Right, the- the flak cannon bullets will fire lasers in random directions... in disco colors.]]
--->'''STAR_:''' See, now you're describing to me the circle of life right now. Is that a food chain which you've just--
--->'''Rami:''' I'm actually not sure, but what I DO know, is that this looks like a rave party.

--->'''STAR_:''' It's ju- lightning, as well? I don't think you've mentioned lightning.
--->'''Rami:''' Yeah. Yep, it's lightning as well.
--->''<STAR_ fires the new weapon in the middle of a large room; the resulting bloom of effects causes him to crack up>''
--->'''STAR_:''' It's like I'm in a spider web! ...I'm in a disco spider web!
--->'''Rami:''' Yes! ...Did it crash?
--->'''STAR_:''' No, not yet! I'm- It's one frame every fourth second at this point, but I'm- I'm still kicking.

--->'''STAR_:''' I-I could only get two shots off before everything is locked up right now, so we'll see how this ends.
--->'''Rami:''' Just... keep clicking, why not?
--->'''STAR_:''' ''<furiously mashes the mouse button>'' It's just- it's just a white screen! You've ''INVENTED''... the color white! Congratulations, would you like your nomination for... color... man.

--> '''Finn:''' ''[[NeverMyFault "It was an accident."]]'' (then, later...)
--> '''Clarke:''' ''"You just kept shooting..."''
--> '''Finn:''' ''"We did what we had to do."'' (Flashing caption [[ImmediateSelfContradiction "ACCIDENT"]])

-->'''Star_:''' ''"Our story, of course, begins with young Finn falling in love with the main character, something I would ''never'' recommend that you do. It pretty much means that you're devoting your whole life to creating dramatic situations for another person, and the most dramatic thing you can do is ''die''."''

--> '''Marc Brown:''' ''(in the comments)'' "Why do you have five [=PlayStations=]?"
--> '''STAR_:''' "To be one generation ahead of you plebs"

-->'''Jerma''': Please, just-just say, 'Jerma, I would like for you to give me the kritzkrieg now, please.'
-->'''Star''': [[ExactWords Okay.]] *At the top of his lungs* '''JERMA THE CRITS! JERMA!'''

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRaT_DyI_x0 Basically, Finn]], wherein STAR_ invites the viewer to be flabbergasted alongside him at an IdiotPlot in [[Series/{{The100}} The 100]].

-->'''STAR_''': Yagahh. Who needs [[WeaponOfChoice Market Gardeners]]? [[BlatantLies I don't]].

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRaT_DyI_x0 Basically, Finn]], wherein STAR_ invites the viewer to be flabbergasted alongside him at an IdiotPlot in Series/{{The100}}.

** "What's up there?! ...you're out of ammo!!" (''Later'') "[[HypocriticalHumor Why would you make fun of the Heavy]]?"

** The ''menu''. [[DarthWiki/MostAnnoyingSound *KLING* *DZZZT*]] [[SensoryAbuse *KLANG*]] every time a button is moused over. STAR_ can hear it all the way from ''Jerma's'' mic.