Funny: Roswell

  • Drunk Max decides that he and Kyle are going to win Liz back when she goes off on a blind date. Kyle wonders how they're going to share.
    "Every other week, month? Monday, Wednesday, Friday, alternate Saturdays?"
  • Sheriff Valenti chastising the kids when they skip school and take off to Vegas. After scaring everyone by yelling, Michael and Tess say how glad they are to be orphans. And then Valenti calls Tess, who freaks out and goes running.
  • From "I Married an Alien":
    Jesse: Were you guys just talking about me?
    Isabel: No, silly. The world doesn't revolve around you!
    Max: Yeah, it revolves around Michael.
    Michael: That's me!
  • Liz and Maria are desperately trying to both talk about what is going on and not tip anyone off to the fact that what is going on is that Liz's new Love Interest is an alien hiding out on Earth. So they decide to use a code word for their new alien friends, and end up settling on "Czechoslovakians", which manages to be no less weird and attention-grabbing a thing to talk about in New Mexico:
    Maria: The thing is, we don't know anything about these Czechoslovakians. Are they good Czechoslovakians? Are they bad Czechoslovakians? We don't know. They're just random Czechoslovakians. For all we know, they don't have their passport.

    Liz: The thing about Czechoslovakians that you sorta have to factor in, is they have these incredibly soulful eyes

    Alex: OK, I want some answers, all right? Because first of all, there are rumors going around that last week you were shot here in the cafe. And then at the crash festival you [motions to Maria] were seemingly run over by a car, but then you weren't. And every time I walk up to you two, you go silent or make up some ridiculous story about Czechoslovakia, which is a country that has not existed for 10 years. So I want the truth, and I want it now.
    Liz: Alex, the reason that we keep on changing the subject is...
    Maria: But if you want really want to know, we can tell you.
    Liz: In really excruciating detail.
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