Funny / Quidditch Through the Ages

• The foreword by Dumbledore has some gems, courtesy of Madam Pince's overprotectiveness about books:
  • According to Pince, the book is routinely "pawed about, dribbled on, and generally maltreated". Dumbledore interprets this as a compliment to the book's popularity.
  • Upon being told that the book will be copied and made available to Muggles, Pince briefly goes catatonic before eventually asking Dumbeldore if he's out of his mind.
  • Pince is so reluctant to give up the book that she suggests telling Comic Relief UK the library burned down or claiming that Dumbledore died without leaving instructions on how to continue with the deal instead. When Dumbedore finally persuades her to give up the book, he has to pry Pince's fingers off its spine.
  • Dumbledore shares his advice about not mistreating Madame Pince's library books. He once absentmindedly doodled in a borrowed book, and the book retaliated by beating him on the head. He also makes no promises that Madame Pince will not show up in your home demanding a fine for the book. He also warns that he's not sure he managed to remove curses Madam Pince put on the library's books.
• The earliest accounts of Quidditch are from the diary of a rather bitter witch named Gertie Keddle. The narration notes that in addition to her diary having atrocious spelling, the only day of the week she knew the name of was Tuesday.
• An issue with playing Quidditch in the Middle Ages was the frequency of sightings by muggles despite the existence of regulations against playing in locations where they could be seen. In the span of fifty years, these regulations escalated from not playing within fifty miles of towns to not playing Quidditch "anywhere near any place where there is the slightest chance that a Muggle might be watching or we'll see how well you can play whilst chained to a dungeon wall."
• The goalposts switched to using hoops instead of baskets for scoring in the late 19th century, as it proved impossible to standardize the sizes of baskets in the name of fairness. An example is provided of a team who made their opponents try to score in absolutely minuscule baskets while they got to aim for "great wicker caves".
• Early Bludgers were merely carved rocks enchanted to chase people around. As the Bludgers weren't magically reinforced at the time and the Beaters' bats were, this led to several instances of Bludgers being smashed and the players having to avoid flying gravel for the rest of the game.
• One Agatha Chubb has managed to identify several lead Bludgers from the sixteenth century. The tell-tale signs are that they have marks on them from Beaters' bats, they're too perfect-looking to be Muggle cannonballs, and they're still trying to hit people when unrestrained five centuries after they were originally made.
• There's a legend about a game played in Cornwall where both teams eventually gave up playing after both their Seekers spent six months trying and failing to catch the Snitch. Locals claim that the game's Snitch is still roaming the countryside over a century later, though this hasn't been verified.
• There are seven hundred possible fouls in Quidditch. The complete list isn't available to the public because they "might get ideas" if they saw it and it's noted that the rule against using wands during play makes the majority of them impossible to commit anyway.
• Some of the Obvious Rule Patches are hilarious. For example, you're not allowed to decapitate a Keeper with a broadsword, attempt to murder the referee, or turn a Chaser into a polecat. Yes, Quidditch has rules against that.
• Ron's favorite team, the Chudley Cannons, used to be a powerhouse but has performed abysmally for decades. It's gotten so bad that their motto has been changed from "We shall conquer" to "Let's all just keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best."
• Mention is made of a Holyhead Harpies-Heidelberg Harriers match that lasted a week and ended when the Harpies' Seeker, Gwendolyn Morgan, caught the Snitch. Afterwards, the captain of the opposing team proposed marriage to her, only for Gwendolyn to concuss him with her broom.
• The "Starfish on a Stick" position is described as a wizard hanging from their broomstick by one hand and one foot, splaying all their limbs out to defend as large an area as possible. The author then adds "The 'Starfish Without a Stick' should never be attempted."
• The 2018 audiobook's bonus material includes commentary on the 2014 Quidditch World Cup final from Daily Prophet Quidditch Correspondent Ginny Potter and Special Correspondent Rita Skeeter. Well, Ginny is commentating on the game. Rita's eyes are on the VIP box where several members of Dumbledore's Army, including Ginny's family, are seated. Rita attempts to stir gossip and makes several passive-aggressive comments about the DA members, and is informed several times by Ginny that several instances in the Potter family that were potential scandal were actually completely innocent, including Albus Potter being a fan of the Brazilian Quidditch team while his family is supporting Bulgaria. At the end of the game, clearly fed up with Rita's attempts to discredit and slander her friends, siblings, husband, and children, Ginny jinxes Rita while she's still commentating and closes the commentary herself.