Funny / Pride and Prejudice (1995)

• Elizabeth's comments on marrying for love.
  Elizabeth: (to Jane) I am convinced that nothing but the deepest affection could induce me to matrimony. (Beat) So, I shall end an old maid and teach your ten children to embroider cushions and play their instruments very ill!
  • Before that line, she opens the conversation by musing that it would be great if she could love a man who would love her enough to marry her despite her almost non-existent dowry... but any man who would do so couldn't be very sensible, "and I could never love a man who was out of his wits."
  • She finishes by assuring Jane that of course Jane can marry for love - just as long as she makes sure to fall in love with a wealthy man.
• Early on Lydia and Kitty are arguing over how many guests Mr Bingley will be bringing to the Netherfield ball:
  Kitty: Six ladies and four gentlemen!
  Lydia: Nay, it was twelve ladies and seven gentlemen.
  Elizabeth: (aside to Jane) Too many ladies.
• At the first dance, Mr. Bingley and his crew show up in their finest to a small country dance, the equivalent of showing up to a modern-day Legion hall dance in tuxedos and ball gowns.
• After the Meryton Assembly, Mr. Bennet is forced to endure Mrs. Bennet's long and detailed description of the event, especially her blow-by-blow account of Bingley's dancing, finally bursting out with "Would that he had sprained his ankle in the first dance!" Followed by her switching to the subject of clothes:
  Mrs. Bennet: The lace on Mrs Hurst's gown...
  Mr. Bennet: (pointing a poker at her) No lace! No lace, Mrs Bennet! I beg you!
• When Bingley is gushing over Jane after first meeting her, Darcy replies with a gruff "she smiles too much."
• Elizabeth and Jane discuss their first impressions of Bingley and Darcy. Elizabeth's dry additions to Jane's praise of Bingley are funny enough, even though it's clear that she likes and approves of him; but then Jane suggests that Mr Darcy may warm up when they get to know him better, prompting Elizabeth to launch into a hilariously scathing impersonation of Darcy's comments about her:
  Elizabeth: You mean he'll be in humor to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men? Never! [lowering her voice to mimic Darcy's] "She is... tolerable, I suppose, but not handsome enough to tempt me."
• Any time Caroline says something cutting about Elizabeth, and Darcy manages to turn it around and use it to insult Caroline.
• When Elizabeth has to listen to Caroline Bingley list all the accomplishments that a lady should have, with Darcy concluding that she should have a love of reading, she follows up her famous line of "I am no longer surprised at you knowing only six accomplished women, Mr. Darcy; I rather wonder at you knowing any." with raised eyebrows and returning to her own book.
• Every time Mr. Hurst is on screen, he is quite pointedly not giving a shit about anything that is going on around him, always either looking for drink or interrupting the gossip to change the subject to something more amenable to his own interests...when he's not passed out drunk on the sofa, much to the exasperation of his wife.
  • When Mrs. Bennet comes to Netherfield to check up on Jane, he tries to duck out of the sitting room before her arrival and slips out quietly when she is exaggerating Jane's condition.
• When Elizabeth has to dance with Mr. Collins at the Netherfield ball he's totally inept and makes a fool of himself, constantly making the wrong steps. "Other way, Mr Collins!" Poor Lizzy...
• After Elizabeth's dance with Mr. Collins, she's gossiping with Charlotte about Darcy's supposed mistreatment of Wickham...when the man himself shows up beside them, and Lizzy doesn't notice at first, to Charlotte's alarm. Darcy then asks her to dance, and there's a distinct possibility that a) he was envious of Elizabeth dancing with Collins and b) he's making sure that, unlike Sir William Lucas' failed attempt to get them to dance at a previous gathering, Elizabeth has no way of declining this time. Elizabeth has to awkwardly accept, and the instant he's gone she goes into a rant about how much she hates him and how she swore never to dance with him. Charlotte has to remind her that it wouldn't be a good idea to snub a man of such consequence, and Elizabeth takes a moment to force a smile to her face before she sets off towards her ordeal.
• In episode 3, Mr. Bennet is not taken in by Wickham's woes and simply quips, "With such narratives to hand, who would read novels?"
• During the ball at Netherfield, when the company has already had to endure Mary's singing, Mr. Collins then volunteers to sing. Mrs. Hurst, who is to accompany him, clearly decides "You know what? No! ", and proceeds to hammer out a flawless rendition of "Rondo alla Turca," which is impossible for Collins to keep up with; he's left nodding his head foolishly.
  • Made even funnier by what happens just before; Caroline Bingley gives Mrs. Hurst a look that quite clearly screams, "For God's sake, DO something!" Cue Mrs. Hurst's awesome performance.
  • How Mary gets started is also very funny. Mr Bingley declares that he'd like some music, intending to ask Miss Bingley to perform - only for Mary to beeline for the piano at top speed, clutching her sheet music, before anyone else can react. Even the infamously cheerful and easygoing Bingley is momentarily stunned speechless.
• The Running Gag of Mr. Collins mentioning the expensive chimney piece in Lady Catherine's drawing room at every opportunity. When Elizabeth promises to visit Charlotte, she quips that her one condition is to finally see the darn thing.
  • "Shelves in a closet.... Happy thought indeed."
• On the journey to Hunsford, Sir William Lucas is informing Maria of how much land Lady Catherine owns, and how beneficial it is that Mr. Collins has such a patron. "Your sister has made a fortunate alliance!" he says - and then gets a calm look from Elizabeth, whose family stands to suffer from said 'alliance'. Awkward.
  • Not only that, but Elizabeth also rejected said alliance. (It's not clear whether Sir William knows that in this adaptation, but he certainly does in the book.)
• Charlotte details her married life to Elizabeth. She encourages Mr Collins to be in his garden; the fresh air is so healthy. She encourages him to be in his library as reading is good for the mind. She encourages him to call upon Lady Catherine... so it turns out that they hardly spend more than a few minutes of the day together at all. She can bear the solitude very cheerfully.
• During their first visit to Rosings, Elizabeth shocks Lady Catherine by unconcernedly venturing to disagree with her, laying out her own point of view while cheerfully ignoring the older woman's annoyed expression. Then she tops it off by turning to Sir William and asking whether he doesn't agree with her.
• When Elizabeth first lays eyes on Anne de Bourgh, she takes quiet and malicious pleasure that Anne looks "sickly and cross", and that she'll make him (Darcy) a proper wife. Maria is left very confused, since she has no idea what Elizabeth is talking about.
• Mr. Collins, upon hearing that Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam have arrived at Rosings and are very soon to call at the parsonage, rushes to find Elizabeth, Charlotte and Maria while they're out walking and urges them to hurry back to the house. Maria dashes off straight away; Elizabeth and Charlotte, despite Collins' cries of "Make haste!!!", are in no hurry and amble along in her wake, gossiping about Darcy.
• A lot of Darcy's behaviour in Hunsford, particularly his facial expressions. To wit:
  • When Lady Catherine is rabbiting on about her supposed knowledge of music, he gets up from his seat beside her with a look of quiet exasperation and stalks off to listen to Elizabeth play, while Charlotte and Maria watch him go with some alarm.
  • Elizabeth gleefully tells Fitzwilliam about the first time the two of them met, subtly getting in a dig at Darcy for having snubbed her; he looks down with a 'dangit' grimace.
  • When Lady Catherine demands to know what they're all talking about — "I must have my share of the conversation!" — the roll of his eyes in annoyance and frustration is epic.
  • When he calls on Elizabeth on what we now know to be the first day of his courtship, he's highly alarmed to find she's home alone (save for the servants, of course) and he'll have to make conversation with her by himself.
  • The awkwardness only increases when he visits again, this time while everyone else is at Rosings, to make his proposal. It takes him a while to work up to saying anything, instead wandering from one end of the sitting room to the other and trying several times to sit only to get up again. He just cannot get started! All the while Elizabeth — at this point still convinced he heartily dislikes and disapproves of her — waits in strained silence, wondering just what the hell he is doing there... until he finally bursts out with the most backhanded love confession known to man.
  • Then when he does blurt it out, he immediately follows up with this:
  Darcy: In declaring myself thus, I am fully aware that I will be going expressly against the wishes of my family, my friends, and, I hardly need add, my own better judgment.
• Most of Darcy's flashback about his history with Wickham is pretty sombre, but there's a hilarious moment during their time at university. We see Darcy striding through the campus in a mortar board and gown, model student, and just as his narration says that Darcy Senior hoped Wickham would make the church his profession... Darcy Junior walks in on a dishevelled Wickham with a barely dressed girl in his lap. Darcy's look of utter exasperation as he slumps against the door frame crowns it: Seriously, man? Seriously? Right in our quarters?!
• Mr Collins eating breakfast, complete with loud noises of contement, is a sight to be seen. Maria, sitting on his left, clearly wishes she wasn't, and at the end of the scene looks as if she's about to gag.
• Elizabeth providing occasional riffing on Darcy's letter. "I look back with regret on only one aspect of my behavior in this matter..." "Oh, really? You astonish me."
• On her last visit to Rosings, Elizabeth waxes full sarcastic when Mr. Collins starts saying how sad she must be—"I hardly know how I shall bear the loss!" That's funny enough. But look over her shoulder, where Charlotte is giving Lizzy an Oh, Crap! look at the thought that it might break through her husband's Sarcasm Blindness. (Fortunately, it doesn't, not even close.)
• When Kitty and Lydia meet Lizzie and Maria, they happily show off the feast they've arranged and announce they are treating everyone to lunch... as soon as their sisters give them the money to cover it, as they spent all their money on clothing (that they readily admit they don't even like).
  • Lydia says that they will be 'such a merry party on the way home!' Smash Cut to the coach rattling into the distance, while Lydia and Kitty scream about how the other is squashing them.
• The infamous moment when Darcy dives into a lake and thus spawns the 'wet shirt' meme. That itself isn't the funny part; the funny part is when he comes face to face with the (at the moment) unrequited and unexpected love of his life, basically almost naked by the standards of the time and dripping wet. The awkwardness is hilarious; Elizabeth's even Distracted by the Sexy for a moment or two! Enjoy!
  • After Elizabeth and Darcy meet, they have one of the most awkward conversations in history, while both of them clearly want to run away. Darcy asks after Elizabeth's parents twice, apparently without realising it!
  • Followed by Elizabeth standing in frozen horror until her aunt blandly observes that Darcy is every bit as handsome as the portrait they saw of him inside... "Though, perhaps, a little less formally attired." At which point Elizabeth snaps out of her mental BSoD with a gasp and declares they need to leave immediately, dashing off at once as her aunt and uncle struggle to keep up.
    • On top of this, there's Mrs. Gardner's confusion over her niece's sudden desire to leave so abruptly, with Elizabeth frantically trying to find an explanation without revealing what had transpired between them.
    Elizabeth: Oh, I wish we'd never come! What must he think of me?!
    Mrs. Gardner: Was he displeased? What did he say?
    Elizabeth: Oh, nothing of consequence, he enquired after my parents... [cut immediately to]...
  • Possibly the quickest someone's gotten cleaned up in the history of England, since Darcy's fully dressed, fabulously turned out and looking desperately for Elizabeth, not intending to let her get away, by the time she and her aunt and uncle have gotten back to the carriage. ^note In defense of this scene, it is entirely possible that the carriage was parked somewhere out of view, the driver caring for the horses (or having a snack, or a nap) and it would take him a while to get everything ready for departure. The driver would not have been unreasonable to think that their visit would take longer, seeing as they decide to depart quite suddenly. Thus, considering Mr Darcy has a head-start (and probably walks faster than Lizzy could expect from her aunt), it seems fairly reasonable to think he would be at least a couple minutes ahead of them on getting back to the house, and if getting the carriage ready takes a few minutes... well, he's a fast dresser, but not miraculously so.
  • The awkwardness continues as Darcy catches the party just as they're about to depart. However, during his introductions to the Gardners, Darcy is incredibly charming and at ease with conversing with them. That all goes out the window when during a tour of Pemberly, he and Elizabeth find themselves alone together again. As they walk aside each other, both attempt to start up a conversation but end up talking over the other. Their stilted conversation afterwards is reminiscent of teenagers fumbling over what to talk about with their crush.
• When Elizabeth meets Bingley in Derbyshire, Bingley not-so-subtly asks whether all her sisters are at home. Elizabeth answers that all but one are. Bingley clearly has a very brief Oh, Crap! moment (while continuing to smile broadly) before Elizabeth clarifies that her youngest sister has gone to Brighton, whereupon his smile grows even broader.
  • Her pause before revealing that Lydia is away on vacation implies that Elizabeth is trolling him after he ghosted Jane following the Netherfield Ball.
• When a messenger arrives at midnight with an important letter, Mrs. Bennet starts screaming hysterically about being murdered in their beds. Mr. Bennet, answering the door in cap and gown, makes a face that screams "If only I was so lucky."
• Upon arrival in London, Darcy grabs a pint of ale and downs it in one go, looking less like a gentleman and more like a chug-a-lug champ.
• When Mrs. Bennet learns that Mr. Bennet is returning home without having found Lydia, she pretends that she's about to have a fainting spell and calls for Jane to bring her smelling salts. The whole time, she is obviously fine and desiring attention, and even the long-suffering Jane isn't buying her act.
• In the wake of Lydia's elopement, Mr. Bennet announces to his daughters that he is going to crack down on them, enforcing strict rules for their behavior. This lasts for about 12 seconds before he reverses course in the wake of Kitty starting to cry at his proclamations.
• Darcy all but bursting into the shot at Lydia and Wickham's wedding. He's only standing up from the pew right behind Wickham, but the sheer abrupt speed of it and his absolutely livid expression have led some to compare him in that moment to Michael Myers.
• After it's been arranged that Lydia will marry Wickham, Mr. Bennet is reading a letter from Mr. Gardiner at the breakfast table about how the latter has been settling Wickham's creditors in Brighton: "Perhaps you would be so good as to do the same for his creditors in Meryton, of whom I enclose a list according to his information." He brandishes said list — that fills at least two sheets of paper! — while briefly staring at Mrs. Bennet, with an air of 'This is the guy that you're so mad keen for our daughter to marry?' Even she has to shift in discomfort.
• There's a teeth-grindingly awkward moment just before Mr. Bingley proposes to Jane where Bingley, Jane, Mrs. Bennet, and the other three remaining Bennet sisters are all seated in the drawing room in uncomfortable silence. Mrs. Bennet, seeking to give the young lovers some privacy, attempts to 'subtly' hint to her younger daughters that they should find an excuse to leave without saying anything, and ends up winking and twitching maniacally. Unfortunately, Kitty is a little too dense to get the intended message:
  Kitty: What is it, mama? Why do you keep winking at me? What am I to do?
• When Lady Catherine descends upon Elizabeth to forbid her marrying Darcy, the first inkling Elizabeth gets of her arrival is hearing "What an extremely small hall!"