Funny / PAYDAY: The Heist

  • In the sequel the stealth aspect has become a much more viable tactic, as such the crew gains the ability to answer the radios of downed guards to convince their comrades that nothing's out of the ordinary. Some of the responses are just plain dumb.

    Dallas "Oh no, it's fine I just [Imitates coughing] have a bit of a cold, that's all."
    Wolf: "Sorry, saw a cockroach, freaked out a little, no biggie."
    Chains: "Sorry...yeah...I accidentally cut my hand on my belt..."
    Chains: "Uh... nothing... Just a normal day in... Normalville, heh."
    Dallas: "Oh, it's nothing, I just...banged my head on the toilet, that's all."
    Chains: "Heh, oh, just saw my ex-wife and my neighbor, how fucked up is that?"
    Chains: "I had a dream that I was a dog, fucking Pekinese!"

    Operator: "Uhm... Okay, just don't let it happen again."
  • In the Watchdogs mission: the boatman's reaction to the player fumbling a cocaine duffle bag pass worth hundred grand.
    Boatman: "You threw it in the water?!"/"Stop throwing the bags into the fucking water!"
  • The saw in the No Mercy mission, which is hidden in the ass of a large, pink stuffed animal. Resulting in the comical sight of an adorable stuffed toy with its rear stuck to a door, shaking and sparking. For several minutes per door.
  • PAYDAY 2 sometimes has Bain warn you about flashbangs. He tells you that if you see one, don't look directly into it unless you already seen it go off, then don't look at it.
  • Bain in PAYDAY 2 scolding the crew for botching the meth cooking in day 1 of Rats after telling them to not use the wrong ingredients, which makes the meth lab explode:
    Bain: What!? Guys! I told you to be careful!
    (when suggesting caustic soda) Says we need club soda to get this temperature up...Sounds odd. What have we got?
    I'm just guessing at this point, these internet descriptions are iffy.
    Fuck me, we need those cooks. I'm going with (ingredient).
  • Pretty much the entire Payday Christmas Album. It consists almost entirely of 'Old' Hoxton singing christmas-themed songs laden with thoroughly British profanity, including a Take That at those who cheat in online games.
  • The Cloaker in PAYDAY 2; not only does he have some bad ass one liners, he also has several lines that make fun of you or breaks the fourth wall after he takes you down, saying stuff like "Now go on the forums and cry like the little bitch you are!" or "I got your DLC right here!" You can listen to the rest here.