Funny / Nothing but Trouble

  • Humpty Hump from Digital Underground calling Perda an "ugly, cross-burning, redneck, peckerwood police bitch" behind her back.
  • The second batch of perps Dennis hauls in are a bunch of drug-addled yuppies who fully expect to be able to buy their way out of trouble. Not a chance in hell.
    Stoner #2's Girlfriend: My God! Will you look at his face? Is that nose rubber?
    Stoner #1: Hey, I don't want you, I want Judge Wapner.
    Stoner #2: (Speaking through laughter) I'm gonna have to plead the fifth dimension.
    Judge Alvin Valkenheiser: OK, well let's see here. We got your crack and ice cocaine here, got your pills, your vials of coke, snorters, pipes and grinders... Got your gun here... Got your switchblade knives. Well, since you're all having a whirl of a time on some kind of hopped-up date, I believe we can get this all over relatively simply and have you people on your way, so step forward to the bench, please.
    Stoner #1: Hey, you see that? Thanks for understanding, Judge, you know what I'm sayin'? (The stoners and their girlfriends crowd near the Judge's desk)
    Dennis: You take care of this, I'm gonna go out for a smoke.
    Priscilla: Go for a smoke? Dennis, they got guns, drugs! One of them tried to kill you. I'm stayin' to watch.
    (Dennis leaves)
    Judge Valkenheiser: Okay, I hereby find all parties culpable in these matters as charged, and therefore choose to inveigh the maximum levy for these violations, and therefore deem that you be conveyed to a wholly awful place of execution wherein you shall be put to death.
    (Bangs gavel, then scoots toward his control panel and pulls one lever, then one marked "Floor Convey". The stoners and their girlfriends are pulled off their feet by a conveyor belt and hustled out a side door into the front car of a basic roller coaster. Cut to the basement - the sound of the machinery catches the attention of Fausto, Renalda, Chris, and Diane)
    Fausto: (Rouses from sleep) Que es eso?
    Diane: What's going on?
    (Cut to the courtroom. Judge Valkenheiser stamps a paper with a chuckle, then pulls a lever marked "Bonestripper Start")
    Stoner #1: (As the roller coaster cars proceed up the short hill towards Mister Bonestripper) What's going on here, huh?!
    Judge Valkenheiser: (Over loudspeaker) I'll tell you what, I'll give you all your coke, your grinders, your spoons, your pot and guns and knives and all that back to you when you come out the other end!