"I'd wake up with my head sewn to the carpet, and I still wouldn't be surprised as I am now."
From the first movie:
Clark: I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles. You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of your assholes! I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!
Rusty: [Grab's Clark's shoulder] Dad, you want an Aspirin?
Clark: DON'T TOUCH!
Loaded Weapon 1
The sequence where Captain Doyle, after assigning Luger to the Billy York case, warns him:
Doyle: Don't be so fast to thank me on this, Luger, because you're going to be naked on this one. It's on the line for you. People are going to be watching. Now you blow it, you're going down. You screw up, you're going to be hung out to dry. You drop the ball, you're going to be left twisting in the wind. If you embarrass this department, your pants will be dancing with figs. Is that clear?
Luger: Everything except the pants fig thing.
National Lampoon's radio show had its share of funny commercials. In one for the magazine, a father catches his son reading an issue of National Lampoon and chews him out for reading filth like that which makes fun of important stuff like politics, money, and religion. Then, when the tirade is over, he casually adds "And by the way, you're sleeping with your mother tonight. It's my turnwith your sister."
