- Clark and Ellen singing at the beginning, while Rusty and Audrey are less than enthusiastic.
Clark: Take it, Russ! (Russ stays silent while Clark and Ellen Bob their heads in rhythm to the unsung phrase)Clark and Ellen:: ...fa la la la la, la la la la!
- "Dad, did you bring a saw?" (loud timpani cue, then it cuts to the Griswalds driving home with the tree HUGELY uprooted on top of the car with "Oh Come All ye Faithful" playing in a "wah wah wah waaaaah" style)
- "Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!"
- The epic rant after Clark doesn't get a Christmas bonus:
Clark: Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?
- Clark going Chainsaw-Crazy afterward. When Russ tries to talk him down, Clark revs his chainsaw up and Russ backs down, saying, "Good talk, Dad." Clark then uses the chainsaw to cut down a nearby Christmas tree, which breaks his uptight neighbors' window.
- When Cousin Eddie first arrives, he touches one of the decorations scattered around the house, and everything on it immediately shatters off.
- While out shopping, Clark puts some lightbulbs on his shopping cart, which are crushed by the enormous bag of dogfood Cousin Eddie puts on top of them not a second later. The fact that neither of them notice it at all is just awesome.
- Fried Pussycat!
- THE HAP HAP HAPPIEST CHRISTMAS!!!
Clark: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny-fucking-Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!
- Just in case YouTube takes it down:
- Where you gonna put that tree?
- Bend over and I'll show you!
- Tch... Bingo!
- "If I woke up tomorrow morning with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now."
- "Oh, he's just yakking on a bone. (sound of Snots barfing under the table) he's got it up.
- "I can't swim Clark." (beat) "I know Eddie."
- This little diddy had me thrown into a gigglefest.
- "THE BLES-SING!"
- "Is Rusty still in the Navy?"
- "Clark! We're stuck under a truck!" "Do you honestly think that I don't know that?!"
Ellen: Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed by thy name. And forgive my husband. He knows not what he does.
- Clark getting smacked with the attic ladder.