Funny / Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

• On trying to explain why he wants to stay after the shooting:
  John Kelso: I've only been here three days and it's just a shooting, but give it time, okay. This place is fantastic. It's like Gone with the Wind on Mescalin. I know you're my agent. Listen to me, they walk imaginary pets here, Garland. On a fucking leash. Alright? And they're all heavily armed and drunk. New York is boring!
• Jim's philosophy on life:
  Jim Williams: Livin' here pisses off all the right people.
• Pretty much anything the Lady Chablis says and does.
  John: Chablis, I'm straight.
  Chablis: So am I! Straight to my place, let's go!
• John comes across a man walking an invisible dog on a leash, and is told that the man was paid via a will by his former employer as long as the employer's favorite dog Patrick lived and needed walking. However, the dog died soon after the employer, but rather than cut the man off from the income the will's executor decided to have the man keep walking the no-longer-with-us Patrick. When John suggests to Jim that maybe the man should walk Uga (the university mascot) instead, Jim replies "then's who gonna walk Patrick?"

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