Funny / Kindergarten (2017)

For funny moments in Kindergarten 2, go here.

School Yard

• You can die right from the start by pestering the janitor even though he warns you not to do so.
• The interactions with the Principal if you get sent to his office are particularly hilarious. Depending on your responses, he'll either shoot you, give (and possibly force you to take) special pills, or he'll even give away his son Jerome's Monstermon card while lampshading that it'd be a particularly lousy thing to do to his own son.
• If you get your money stolen by Buggs and attempt to go to the teacher, she'll encourage you to start a fight, making comments of wanting to start an underground fighting ring and that she does love a good kiddie fight.

Morning Time

• Nugget's love letter, and the things that ensue because of it.
  • The poem Nugget wrote surprisingly rhymes well, but because of his poor choice of word, it comes off rather creepy.
    Nugget likes the pretty Lily.
    He also misses her brother Billy.
    Nugget likes the Lily's hair.
    Nugget likes to smell her chair.
  • After the teacher reads the letter out loud, you can then let Nugget know you've succeed.
    You: I delivered the letter.
    Nugget: NUGGET NOTICED!!
• After giving him the yo-yo, you can start Jerome's quest by leaving the classroom while he distracts Ms. Applegate. But if you talk to her while she's distracted, she will lampshade this.
• If you get taken to the Principal at the School Yard, he can give you some pills to cope with Billy being missing. When you return to the classroom, Ms. Applegate will then ask you if he gave you any and will try to hit you up for some. If you give her some of the pills, she'll be so high she won't care if you steal from the cubbies.
• Playing house with Cindy comes with its own batch of perils and hilarity. What starts as her greeting you home from work quickly turns dark as she accuses you of drinking, even going so far as to demand you use a breathalyzer she actually had on her. She then claims she's pregnant, but admits that you likely aren't the father as she cheated on you while you were in prison. If you reply that you'll stay with her rather than wanting a divorce, she'll discuss getting an abortion, and will actually express surprise that abortion feels so good and give you a Monstermon card for being prepared if you happen to have pills from the Principal to give her. And this is all just the imagination of a child playing house in kindergarten!

Lunch

• Talk to Monty, and he will comment on the Janitor spelling "Biscuit" wrong. Let the Janitor know, and he will walk up to Monty to beat the living crap out him.
  • For a bonus, he will hand you Monty's glasses, in which you can give it to the Lunch Lady as a favor in exchange for using the bathroom. She can use Monty's glasses to read the menu better.
  • If you talk to Monty again, he will muster the last bit of his strength to question you about what you said to the janitor. Your response? "You should just rest now."
• If you follow Lily out into the hallway and knock on the Principal's door while she's spying on him, you can rat her out, resorting in her off-screen demise.
• If you decide to kill Ms. Applegate, she will simply lie down on her side with her eyes still open. Worst of all the principal won't remove her dead body.

Recess

• Picked the wrong Ride Duck while doing Jerome's riddle? BOOM! You're blown to bits!
• If you go through Cindy's route and present her a bucket of blood, she will plan to call Lily over while you go on top of the monkey bar.
  • Help Cindy splash blood on Lily, and it will follow by the following chain reaction:
    • First, Lily will lose all hope and jump down into Nugget's Cave.
    • When Ms. Applegate asks where Lily is, Nugget will alert the teacher, but because she pressures him into getting her out of his cave, he ends up jumping into the hole instead.
    • Ms. Applegate then calls the janitor and clarifies that he is to bring the children in the hole out of it, not the other way around. She has to bring the remaining students in for an extra measure.
  • However, if you splash blood in Cindy instead of Lily, she will scream in horror and run out of school, only to get hit by a car. Seeing this, Ms. Applegate will call you to thank you for getting rid of that brat, and even gives you a gold star and a Monstermon card!
• Asking Nugget to enter his Nugget Cave without befriending him first will result in you falling into the hole and dying. The game then tells you not to jump in holes you can't see the bottom of. If you do befriend him prior, he will empty a load of nuggets into the hold first to cushion your landing.
  Nugget: Nugget's nuggets are as squishy as they are tasty.
• Sometimes, when red lightning strikes the janitor during the Monstermon Cards ending, his mop (and his hand holding it) remains upright while the rest of his body scatter around the ground.
• If you reveal that the Janitor killed Cindy's dog during her quest, she will storm off exclaiming that he's gonna get it. When she returns later, her mouth is covered in blood and she's holding his decapitated head.

Show and Tell

• If you present a salad, the teacher doesn't know what it is.
  Ms. Applegate: What is that? It's a bunch of leafy greens in a bowl.
  Buggs: It's a salad you cow.
  Ms. Applegate: OH! So that's what a salad looks like. My doctor keeps saying I should—what did you just call me?
• There are some items that should get you into trouble, but for some reason, they don't.
  • Bucket of Blood: Ms. Applegate pretends not to see it as she's too lazy to report on how you've brought a gory item.
  • Principal's Key: Ms. Applegate lampshades how similar it is to the original principal's key, not realizing that it's a forgery.
  • Severed Finger: Ms. Applegate mistakes it for a realistic-looking prop.
  • Flask: By right, Ms. Applegate should ask what's inside, but she's too lazy to investigate further, so she instructs you to answer anyone else that it contains water.

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