Funny: Kelly's Heroes

  • Pretty much anything Oddball says:
  • In order to get across the river to meet Kelly, Oddball and his crew need to use a railway bridge, passing right through a German force guarding workers repairing the rail lines. How do they leave? Perfectly.
  • The entire conversation between Bellamy and Oddball.
    Oddball: Woof woof!
    Bellamy: Ah don't try to be funny Oddball! What do you want?
    Oddball: Uh, I'm calling you from a cafe about 10 miles south of Mesurier and I wondered, uh, if you could do me a favor.
    Bellamy: Mesurier? I got a map here someplace that says we haven't even captured that place yet!
    Oddball: Yeah, so I heard. Everybody seems very friendly. Look baby, I'm kind of hung up. I need about 60 feet of bridge.
    Bellamy: How the hell am I supposed to get 60 feet of bridge 10 miles behind the German lines?
    Oddball: Hey man, I'm about to put you onto something very good and you are giving me your problems. This sector's so screwed up, nob ody knows where the German lines or where our lines are. I got through with no problem at all. Now I got a bank back here with about $16 million and it's just waiting to be picked up. Are you in?
    Bellamy: Hey, uh, listen kid, they haven't got you back in the nut ward again, have they?
    Oddball: Hey Bellamy! For crying out loud! That is the lousiest, stinking, most awful, stupid joke and you're always pulling that stinking, awful, stupid joke! You don't want in this thing, you don't get in this thing! I cut you out of everything! I don't need you. 60 feet of bridge, I can pick up almost anywhere! Schmuck!
    Bellamy: Alright, alright, alright. Look, with three tanks, it's easy. With 60-foot bridge it's something else! I need support units Oddball! I need at least a hundred guys!
    *Bellamy gestures toward a window for emphasis. Through the window a military band of about a hundred guys can be seen playing.*
    Bellamy: Where do I find a hundred men, just like that?
    *sudden realization, Bellamy faces the band as camera pans to focus on the military band.*
  • In the middle of a minefield, Crapgame comes across a mine.
    Crapgame: "Hey, hey, HEY! I found one!"
    Big Joe: [sarcastically] "What kind is it?'
    Crapgame: "The kind that blows up! How the hell do I know what kind it is?"
  • General Colt listening to the comm traffic of the river crossing battle as if it's the Army-Navy game.
  • Oddball and Moriarty argue over wether or not to go up against the Tiger tanks.
    Oddball: WHY DON'T YOU KNOCK IT OFF WITH THEM NEGATIVE WAVES! Why don't you dig how beautiful it is? Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change..
    Moriarty: (beat) crap.
  • Crapgame and Willard comes up to Cowboy to stop the ringing of the bell tower. The Cowboy gets a whiff of them since they had a toilet stall collapse on them.
    Cowboy: *whiffs* God almighty! You guys smell like you fell into a dung heap.
    Crapgame: Kinda makes you homesick, don't it?
    *Crapgame begins to walk away*
    Willard: Y'know it does kind of, don't it, old buddy?.
    Cowboy: Yeah.
  • Near the end, when Big Joe checks on Crapgame
    Crapgame: How's things going with the bank?
    *Tiger cannon fires, explosion ensues in the background*
    Big Joe: Nothing.