- Whatever you do, don't eat the fucking candy.
- When the mercenary comes into the tavern to the delivery the witches' message, Hansel gently guides Ben in front of where he is sitting while everyone is enraptured by what is happening. Finally, the guy explodes and sends blood and flesh onto everyone but Hansel. Ben's reaction only adds to it.
Ben: That was awesome.
- Gretel's only reaction when she's drenched in blood and gore is to sigh and comment on how much she hates it when they do that trick.
- Hansel's pointless dive roll into the candy house, where the siblings first encountered a witch, in order to battle Muriel. She welcomes him inside with a shovel to the face.
- Ben going a bit too far in cleaning the filth off of Gretel. And then Gretel finds that he has a Stalker Shrine, complete with a painting of her.
- During a shot at the beginning of the film, we see that the milk bottles in the film have images attached to them of missing children.
- I hate to break this to you, but it isn't gonna be an open casket.
- While it's also awesome, the Curb-Stomp Battle with Edward and Berringer and his goons is funny because of how messy and well-deserved it is.
- "Who the fuck is Edward?!"
- Hansel's flabbergasted reaction when Mina casually strips in front of him.
- Hansel hanging by his foot from a tree and trying to play it cool when Mina shows up.
- Hansel patting Ben on the shoulder, where Hansel shot him not a few minutes before.
- Hansel again, when Gretel pokes him awake from where he's passed on the floor. He latches onto her hand like it's a teddy bear, groans at her to go back to sleep, then rolls under the bed.
- Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming.
- You've gotta be fucking kidding me!
- Hansel beating up Muriel, then she morphs into her human face and begs him to stop. Hansel's answer?
Hansel: Yeah, nice try. (keeps beating her up)
- While tending on a wounded Gretel, Edward hands her some water from the river to drink. When she hesitates, Edward's voice rises with "DRINK!" Gretel complies meekly like a child, and Gemma Arterton's expression nails the scene.