This film is an absolute laugh riot... too bad it was meant to be a serious horror movie.
- Five Minutes To Kill Yourself: The Movie
- At one point, Elliot decides to attempt diplomacy with a plant. When it doesn't reply, he feels compelled to touch it, presumably to check its pulse.Plastic. I'm talking to a plastic plant. I'm still doing it.
- "What? Nooooo..."
- "Why you eyein' my lemon drink?"
- The plant farmer's tangent on why Hot Dogs are underrated.Hot Dog Guy: You like hot dogs, don't you?[Alma smiles and shakes her head][Uncomfortable silence]
- "Cheese and crackers."
- "I went up and asked her where the cough syrup was. I didn't even have a cough. And I almost bought it. I'm talking about a completely superfluous bottle of cough syrup, which costs like six bucks."
- Elliot singing "Black Water" by The Doobie Brothers in order to prove they're "perfectly normal". Spencer Breslin's unintentional Aside Glance just seals the deal.
- One man commits suicide by lying underneath a lawnmower.
- In general, Zooey Deschanel's mannequin-esque performance as Alma, staring dead eyed wherever, whenever.
- This hilarious exchange:Alma: We can't just stand here as uninvolved observers!
Elliot: Gimme a second, okay? Just gimme a second!
Alma: We're not gonna be one of those assholes on the news that watches a crime happen and not do something! We're not assholes!
Elliot: Just a second!
Unnamed Woman: There were children in that group!
Alma: Elliot, please tell us what to do!
Elliot: I NEED A SECOND, OKAY?! WHY CAN'T ANYONE GIMME A GODDAMN SECOND?! - A lot of the deaths can be unintentionally hilarious, such as the Jeep driver suddenly coming to a dead stop in the middle of the street, then hitting the gas and speeding into a tree.
- During class, Elliot tries to encourage a bored student to invest himself more in his lessons. Why? Because his face is perfect. For bonus laughs, a girl to the left of Elliot responds as if she's thinking '...what on Earth are you talking about?'