- Right at the start of the game Conway is ejected through a window and falls three stories. His phone rings, and he answers it still laying on the ground.
Selene: Did you just get thrown out of your own room?Conway: I'd... rather not talk about it.
- And when you finish the tutorial mission you get a scene "35 seconds earliernote " which explains how that happened to Conway: trying on the Bullfrog jumping trousers at home, he ignored the instructions reading "do not use indoors".
- Conway's very first conversation with Rooke.
Rooke: Conway, this is Melanie Rooke. Selena Delgado worked for me. Do you have time to talk?Conway: How do you know my name?Rooke: It's on your profile, it's your phone's public ID, and you once gave it to me on a business card while saying "My name is Conway."Conway: I see I've underestimated you.
- Conway's first contract with Intex.
Gessler: Who the fuck are you?Conway: Conway, hat fancier.Gessler: The fuck does that mean?
Gessler: Who the fuck are you?Conway: Who the fuck are you?
- On being contracted to break into the police station by the chief of police.
Conway: Can't you, police chief of the actual police, get this police thing from the police?Mayfield: Ask my predecessor. You can't, he was shot six times in the chest shortly after referring one of his officers to internal affairs for document forgery.Conway: Who's to say that was even related?Mayfield: The police chief of the actual police.Mayfield: (Me)
- The end of the Mayfield jobs.
Conway: (Lie) Nope, there was nothing on the terminal.Mayfield: I know for a fact there was, and not just because you put (Lie) in front of all your lies.
- Conway's first conversation with Katie Collins.
Conway: Get [Jackson] in trouble? I'd want to get him in acid.Collins: haha! i just wanna know why he would do this, he always seemed so nice. maybe theres a reason. hell probably be in his office on the top floor. if you can get close enough to hear what hes saying, maybe you could listen in for a clue or somethingConway: And then throw him in some acid?
- Obtaining an achievement by jump-tackling a guard and proceeding to punch him, with extreme prejudice, nets you these comments.
It, er, only takes one punch to knock them out.But what you're doing is fine too. That's probably ok.Ok, you can stop now.There's no achievement for this.Jesus Christ.Wait, are you doing this to see if there are any more messages?Because that is among the worst reasons to punch someone in the face x times.noteAchievement Unlocked: Alright, Have one! Just Stop!
- In the level editor, mousing over the level name box provides you with this comment.
Enter a name of some kind. Doesn't have to be good. Even, like, 'Blanjipan' would do. (Don't call it that though).
I said don't call it that.
- Entering it anyway leads to the name turning red and being unable to save the level while you're chastised thusly;
- There's a "mission" titled "Gessler: Go fuck yourself." It's Gessler throwing a shit fit on Conway like a foul-mouthed kid for double-crossing him in favor of Rooke. It's as hilarious as one would expect.
- The Patch Notes for the above mission:
Option to turn off swearing. Up to you whether this makes "Grow a ####ing #### and shove it up your ###" kid-safe.
- In a similar vein to the No-Holds-Barred Beatdown achievement mentioned above, there's a certain bit of the trailer that pokes fun at this, too. At one point, Conway smashes through a glass ceiling and onto a guard, who he proceeds to pummel. It cuts away to other gameplay footage, and back to the punching, and away and back. Eventually, Melanie cuts in.
Melanie: I'd appreciate it if you keep could keep violence to a minimum.Conway: *Stops punching* *Beat* *single punch*
- The option to write a customized blog post at the end. Options for lines include "I, er, may have killed more people than I actually avenged here," and "I think I picked the right side. Maybe that doesn't matter. Maybe all that matters is that I now have the ability to kick down doors."
- The sound a door makes when it smacks someone in the face made you laugh the first time you heard it, admit it.
- There's an achievement for having Conway knocked down by a door, called "Now I Know Why People Don't Like Me".
- Take a look at the achievement's page for the game for a lot of the creator's self-satire.
Acknowledged Ludonarrative DissonanceNotice the story doesn't necessarily gel with the mechanics. Become qualified games journalist.I Am Better At This Than Tom FrancisComplete a mission faster than I can.
Funny / Gunpoint
Gunpoint's world is filled with smartasses, and they are hilarious.