Funny / Genshin Impact Archon Quests Main Story

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All friendships gotta start somewhere.

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Prologue

Act 1

• The Traveler first met Paimon by accidentally fishing her out of a river, complete with goofy spiral eyes.
• The conversations under voice-over reveal that fishing is a favorite pastime of the Traveler's, and they think about it often — to the point where Paimon knows when something has gotten fishing on their mind.
• The dramatic scene that explains how the Traveler ended up Teyvat becomes amusing for Honkai Impact 3rd veterans, as the villain is, once again, a dead ringer for God Kiana.
• The start of the "emergency food" running gag involves Ember looking at Paimon and presuming her to be some sort of mascot. If the traveler answers with "emergency food"...
  Paimon: Hey! That's worse than being a mascot!

Act 2

• When you talk to the nun Gotelinde again, after Venti failed to persuade her to let him borrow the Holy Lyre, she asks for a document that would give you permission to take the Lyre out. All three dialogue options end in failure, but the third option, "Paimon ate it on our way here.", takes the cake.
  Paimon: Hey!
• Before Diluc and the Traveler infiltrate a Fatui hideout, Diluc gives the Traveler a disguise while giving a rather lengthy monologue about how this work is dangerous and they don't want to implicate themselves. So what is this disguise, you ask? A Fatui mask. Just a Fatui mask. Mind you, the Fatui wear uniforms, so the Traveler sticks out like a sore thumb.
• Paimon has multiple moments where she gets incredibly snippy with Venti, calling him the "Tone-Deaf Bard".
• When Paimon accuses Venti of borrowing the Holy Lyre just to play music for some drunkards, Venti curtly responds with an amused "Hehe.", to which an indignant Paimon lambasts:
  Paimon: What do you mean "hehe"!?

Act 3

• Via glitches, it is possible to get to this act without completing Amber's story quest. As a result, if you get to the point where Amber is going to treat you to dinner, the game will say it's not possible to continue because she's busy with her story quest... in spite of being literally right in front of you.
• Barbara makes her formal debut! In-story at least - she's been sent by the church to retrieve the Holy Lyre now that all this business is done and over with. There's just one problem... the Lyre was smashed by Dvalin one act ago. This time it's Paimon's turn to go "hehe..."
  • Barbara bemoans the wrecked state of the holy lyre, claiming that no amount of penance will get Barbatos to forgive her. Yeah, about that...
  • Venti claims he can fix things, and restores the Lyre to its full glory, allowing Barbara to take it back without issue... and then Venti tells the Traveler it's just a glamor wrapped around it as a pseudo-patch job. The next thing Venti does? Run for it.

Chapter 1

Act 1

• When you meet Dusky Ming, the ghost girl playing in the Wangshu Inn's kitchen, Paimon is scared so much that her dialogue and voiced lines become unintelligible.

Act 2

• The Running Gag of Zhongli either forgetting his wallet or wanting to buy it all. Near the end of the quest, the Traveler and Paimon are visibly scratching their heads or face-palming when they're about to expect what Zhongli is about to say again.
  • It's even funnier when it's revealed that Zhongli is actually Rex Lapis... Who is basically Teyvat's God of Contracts, Commerce and Wealth. And yet he's comically bad with money.
• Zhongli complaining that the Qixing's lackluster (in his opinion) sendoff to Rex Lapis is tantamount to sacrilege becomes this in hindsight when you realise that he's complaining about his own pretend-funeral not being grand enough.
  Zhongli: In years past, Liyue's tradition was that a huge memorial service be held to mark the passing of every adeptus. But this time, the Qixing have made no attempt whatsoever to respect this tradition. It is sacrilege.
• During the quest "Three Poignant Perfumes", you end up needing to find an NPC that can craft a perfume, eventually taking you to Ying'er. When she asks what you need, you can either tell the truth... or flirt with her instead, pissing Paimon off:
  Paimon: Whatever this is, you guys need to snap out of it right now!
  • While teaching you to make the perfume, the way Ying'er words the process sounds like she's teaching you how to do something else altogether.
  • Towards the end of the quest, Ying'er assumes you're planning on using the three perfumes to pursue three women at once and gives you some advice:
    Ying'er: I'll leave you with some parting words: One who tries to sail three boats simultaneously should be careful not to go overboard.
    Traveler: ...
• When Paimon relays Madame Ping's message to Zhongli, she does so with an elderly voice. Zhongli then says that the tone doesn't suit her.
• After going through a whole lot of trouble to find the Adeptibeast "Cocogoat" in exchange for Everlasting Incense, the party finds out that not only do Cocogoats not exist, Qiqi was looking for coconut milk the whole time.

  Zhongli: I owe you both an apology. I hastily agreed to what appeared to be an equitable agreement with this zombie child, when perhaps I should have undertaken further due diligence.

• An extra layer of funny gets added to the Cocogoat mishap when it's revealed that Zhongli is actually Rex Lapis, yet he honestly believed that there was some sort of mythical beast living in the land he's ruled over for thousands of years.
• The party balks at Everlasting Incense's whopping 3,000,000 Mora cost (rather, the Traveler and Paimon balk, while Zhongli is unfazed because he has no money sense whatsoever). Left with no other choice but to beg Childe, a Fatui Harbinger, for financial assistance, the screen fades to black with the words Twenty minutes later... as the Traveler runs around Liyue to find Childe, and explain how they got into this mess. When we cut back in, Childe is still laughing his ass off at the "Cocogoat" situation that the others fell for, much to Paimon's great displeasure.
• Childe offers Dr. Baizhu a stable supply of coconut milk, courtesy of the Fatui. His response? To lower the price of Everlasting Incense to... 2,990,000 Mora.
• The fact that Childe has been made to foot the bill for all of Zhongli's exorbitant expenses throughout the whole Act has led to a fountain of memes.
  Paimon: That's like, zero difference from three million!

Act 3

• After finding Ningguang in the Jade Palace, you can run around and find the three secretaries, and gushing about Ningguang to them will earn you some talent levelup materials. One of them in particular has some... peculiar ideas.
• Before the final showdown with Childe, the Traveler expresses to Zhongli their suspicion of him. The options that the Traveler can use to refer to Childe range from just "Childe" to "the ginger guy" to "Mr. More-Mora-than-Sense" (or "Zhongli-sensei's wallet" in Japanese, or "that poor sap who's been paying our bills this whole trip" in Chinese).
• Keqing is less than impressed by the Traveler's simple desire to put up missing persons posters as a reward and accuses them of trying to look cool in a rather miffed tone.
• When Paimon asks Zhongli about whether or not he set up a private fund for himself before his retirement, Zhongli admits that's a good idea and that he really should have thought of it while he still had his gnosis, meaning the former God of Wealth is now more or less completely broke.

Act 4

• The Traveler is given the opportunity to show off some Skewed Priorities in a cutscene with Dainsleif where rather than progress the conversation, they can instead correct his previous slip up calling Barbara a "young sister."
  Traveler: Actually, Barbara's the deaconess...

Interlude Chapter, Act 1

• The game introduces Shenhe, whose was raised by Cloud Retainer as a child. When the adeptus arrives on the scene after the main boss fight, she offers to share Shenhe's childhood stories to Ningguang, the Traveller, Paimon and the accompanying Millelith, to which Shenhe quickly shuts her down. Cloud Retainer was not amused.
  Cloud Retainer: Oh? Hmph, they are all like this. Fine! Since you care not to listen, one shan't be telling you. One shall be going homeward now!
• After opera star Yun Jin's performance of a mythologised version of Shenhe's backstory, a clearly inebriated viewer starts assuming that Shenhe is the lady in the myth, and starts hitting on her...
  Shenhe: Alternately, you could leave us alone. That is if you wish to finish that drink via the orifice of your choice.

Chapter 2

Prologue

• When signing up for the Crux Clash, you're asked to present some of your claims to fame. After you and Paimon share how you saved Dvalin and defeated Childe, the Traveler gives an uncharacteristically smug smile with Paimon at the tournament registrant and the other competitor's awed reactions.
• Two of the competitors suffer an Epic Fail of a defeat. First, Chai Yi tries to use a special kung fu technique that supposedly allows him to deflect enemy attacks without moving a muscle. It doesn't work, and he gets knocked out in one punch, leaving his opponent wondering why he didn't try to dodge it. After that, his buddy Liang has to rush him back to Liyue !!Act 1
• Right before you board Beidou's ship and set sail to Inazuma, you talk to Katheryne at Liyue one last time. She wishes you and Paimon good luck and gives a heartfelt goodbye, which the two of you start to return...right before Katheryne reveals that she'll see you again in Inazuma anyways. Cue the Traveler's deadpan expression. One of the dialogue options is "I knew it!"
• In the "Ritou Escape Plan" quest, you catch the eye of Hiiragi Chisato, who leaves you a letter talking about how eager she is to meet and talk to you. Upon reading the letter, the Traveler gives Paimon a smug smile while Paimon's confused on just what you've been doing behind her back. When you do meet Chisato, she acts like she actually has fallen in love with you, making Paimon start to panic... only for her to reveal that she just wanted you to deliver a letter for her. The Traveler's expression is absolutely crushed, and you're given the option of just replying with "I'm leaving."
• After you escort Chisato, officer Shinnojou is curious of this "Kamaji" person she's talking about. Chisato then proudly tells everyone that Kamaji is her beloved, which breaks his heart enough to make him stutter and then stay silent for a while. When everyone said their goodbyes, Shinnojou can barely hold back his tears.
• Thoma and Ayaka try to recruit the Traveler in their fight against the Vision Hunt Decree, but the Traveler quickly declines because it's not the reason why they came to Inazuma in the first place. When you meet Ayaka for the first time, the dialogue options allow you to interrupt her offer, and she will just respond with a surprised "Oh..."

Act 2

• After the Traveler and Paimon flee from Inazuma City and reach the rebels' camp to meet Gorou, he'll bring up the pair's wanted poster, in which Paimon is described as the Traveler's "mysterious flying pet".

Interlude Chapter, Act 2

• While deep in the Chasm depths, Paimon gets into an argument with Itto, resulting in her giving the latter his own Embarrassing Nickname: Bull-Chucker. Itto, however, retaliates by calling her a flying lavender melon.
• Itto bemoans his boredom while stuck in the Chasm's Bed, and Shinobu interrupts his complaining to tell him the roasted lavender melons are ready for eating. Itto is aghast at the fact that Shinobu is more concerned about eating than escaping, and Ushi says something… which causes Itto to get mad and call him "beefcake" for siding with Shinobu. And then he panics because Shinobu already started eating without him, and begs her to leave some of the food for him.
• After meeting Xiao for the first time, Itto comments that the Yaksha seems tough, maybe even almost as tough as himself, deeming the Conqueror of Demons a "solid dude". Paimon even asks where Itto gets that self-confidence from. Even better, while on the search for Xiao, Itto constantly refers to him as "little dude".
• Shinobu cautions Itto not to go charging blindly forward, advice which Itto brushes off by proclaiming himself invincible. He then falls into a hole and screams all the way down before we hear a pained grunt and "Ohmybutt!" After you follow him, you fall down too, and if you don't use your glider you'll still land harmlessly in a large pool of water. Itto is nearby on the shore, apparently having the bad luck to land on the cavern floor instead. And after everybody else joins you, there's this:
  Paimon: [smugly] Well, Bull-Chucker, how's your rear?
  [The camera gives us a closeup of Itto's ass.]
  Arataki Itto: [pained and trying to sound like he isn't] It's fine! My butt is tough!
  Kuki Shinobu: Go ahead, you can cry if it hurts. I promise I'll try not to laugh.
  Arataki Itto: What! What do you mean, try not to laugh!? You should be feeling some serious sympathy for me right now!
  Kuki Shinobu: But wouldn't feeling sorry for you be a violation of your dignity? Besides, it's harder not to laugh when I'm not the one in pain.
  Arataki Itto: Aaaaah!!!
  [Camera cut to Shinobu gently resting the tip of one finger on Itto's butt]
  Paimon: Pff... hehe...
  Yanfei: Paimon, don't laugh...Pfft...
• Upon finding a locked door, Itto tries, and fails, to open it with a powerful punch...while the control panel for the door was right next to it. Que Traveler, Yanfei and Shinobu giving Itto a round of Sarcastic Clapping.

Chapter 3

Act 2

• During one of the cycles, the Traveler and Paimon figure out everything they possibly can for the day, and Nahida tells them to go rest up. After getting philosophical about the flow of time and people's perception of it (further confusing Paimon), things take a turn:
  Nahida: Get some good rest! Ya know... Use the bathroom and flush your anxiety dookie away~
  Paimon: Huh? Hold on, what did you just say? Did Paimon hear you correctly?
  Nahida: Hm? People always say they feel a sense of relief after they take a dook-dook. That's why I suggested you could try that. Is that so strange?
  Paimon: Ugh... It's so strange and so against common sense that Paimon is at a loss for words... You were sounding kinda smart just a minute ago!
  • The whole thing is even more hilarious if you've already figured out who Nahida is and why that makes her saying "dook-dook" even more ridiculous.

Act 3

• At the start of the quest, the Traveler & Paimon decide to take up commissions to pass the time. One problem, Katheryne's commissions are rather...quirky. The duo are understandably baffled & concerned by the commissions, ranging from reciting a love poem onstage and capturing audience reactions with the Kamera to getting Eremites to volunteer at an orphanage. It doesn't take long for the Traveler to realize this is Nahida they are talking to.
  Nahida: Hehe, was it so obvious? I was hoping you would actually take one of those commissions. That kind of chance to observe humans doesn't come by often...
• To start their plan to figure out what the Sages are up to, Nahida starts by taking the Traveler and Paimon to a fortune-teller. The fortune-teller comments that her two cats, Harut and Marut, are wary of them and asks if they've ever offended any gods. Paimon's reply is priceless:
  Paimon: Only mocking the God of Anemo, questioning the Lord of Geo's financial savviness, and brawling with the God of Electro... Do those count?
  • If the Traveler chooses prospects of love, the fortune-teller will be shocked at the number of people falling for them regardless of the player choosing Aether or Lumine.
  • Likewise if asked about the Traveler's health, she is completely thrown for a loop when her divination tells her that the Traveler will live for many many tens-of-thousands of years.

Act 4

• While they're interrogating the radicals (via Jack Bauer Interrogation Technique, no less), Uncle Anpu says he thinks he knows what's going on. The player then hears a thud and sees the camera shake. It turns out that Cyno had decided that he didn't want their captives hearing the next part of the conversation, so he knocked all three of them unconscious.
  Dehya: Heh, smooth!
  • Cyno teaches Candace how to torture the radicals, and Paimon and the Traveler note just how quickly Candace mastered the techniques. While waiting for Candace to finish, you can eavesdrop on her interrogation and hear one of the poor schmucks screaming in agony.
    Candace: You heard the question. Now answer me.
    Delavar: AAAARRRGGH!!!

Act 5

• While tricking some Akademiya guards, Cyno passes Paimon off as a construct. Paimon plays along and even motions her eyes like a robot. Could also be considered a Take That! at the suspiciously similar game, Tower of Fantasy, which also has a sidekick resembling a small girl, the robotic construct, Mi-a.
  Paimon: Beep! Construct! Beep!
• In order to draw the guards away from the Akademiya, they are tricked into believing Kusanali has escaped to hunt after her. Now, who was the scapegoat for them to hunt? Isak, the boy you met in Aaru village. His disguise is also a hilariously cheap imitation of Nahida's dress. The kicker is that it actually works to fool the guards.

Act 6

• Paimon suggests heading to the Avidiya Forest straightaway to investigate the "Loom of Fate" operation, only for Dainsleif to reject doing so in his usual grave tone. The Traveler enquires for the reason, expecting him to be concerned about potential threats from the Abyss Order or wanting to wait for the perfect opportunity...only for him to look at the table of the tavern they were seated at and answer that he's still waiting for the drink he ordered earlier.

Interlude Chapter, Act 3

• You can give Wanderer a new name. While it's meant to be an important moment in his life, you can give him an Unfortunate Name ala Pokémon Red and Blue style. Try not to giggle when a former deadly foe is now dubbed Bongo-Head, Asshole, or Scaradouche.
• Take Your Time is in play to ensure you can change your mind about what to name him before you are permanently set for a name, including the above mentioned Bongo-head and Scaradouche. Don't worry, the Wanderer will patiently wait till you sort out all the list of names you are using to pick his name...

Chapter 4

Act 1

• Upon arriving in Fontaine, the Traveler is told by Lyney that they'll most likely have to schedule an appointment with the Hydro Archon. Then, right as soon as the Traveler, Lyney, Lynette, and Paimon walk towards the lift, lo and behold, Furina the Hydro Archon herself, is waiting for them at the top of lift in the port. The Traveler even lampshades how easy it was to meet the Hydro Archon.
  • Furina's also standing on a box the entire time, and it isn't there if you go to where she was standing later. The Hydro Archon either carries around or has boxes placed in places she's going to be in order to look taller, something that not even Nahida, who has the literal stature of a child, does.
  • Furina challenges the Traveler to a duel, but their response isn't what she expected.
    1st choice:...Bring it on.
    2nd choice: (Fighting gods? I've got a resume.)
  • Furina tries to get the Traveler arrested on the grounds that they illegally released a flying object (i.e. Paimon) on the first three days of the month. Lyney helps them out of their predicament by revealing the invisible string between the Traveler's wrist and Paimon's back that he had stuck on them earlier and successfully arguing that Paimon should instead be classified as a balloon (instead of, you know, a living creature).
• Paimon becomes a fan of thriller novels, so much so that she starts to wear Groucho Marx-like glasses with a fake mustache as her detective persona for the rest of the investigation. A confused Traveler even asks her where she got them. Opening up the menu while the investigation is ongoing will also have Paimon appear still wearing them.
• In contrast to their stern appearances as Navia's bodyguards, Melus and Silver can be The Comically Serious:

  (After Navia bakes macarons for the Traveler and Paimon at the Opera Epiclese...)
  Paimon: From the way you had these two guys carrying all that stuff around, Paimon thought you'd have them do more during the baking process. But you ended up doing the entire thing by yourself... beating the egg whites, grinding almonds, everything.
  Silver: I was applauding.
  Melus: And I was giving encouraging smiles.
  The Traveler: Uh, that's not quite what Paimon meant, but okay...

Act 3

• When Furina and Neuvillette are discussing how they must receive Arlecchino as a guest, Furina expects the Iudex to accompany her. When Neuvillette initially refuses, Furina is begging him to go with her as though her life depended on it. Given Arlecchino once threatened her life, however, this ends up being Harsher in Hindsight.
  Furina: Eeeeh!? You mean you won't come? No... no no no, that won't do! I can't go to the meeting alone, you have to accompany me, I must take you with me...
• After the Traveler agrees to Neuvillette's request, he offers them a cake as thanks. When the Traveler and Paimon arrive at the Fortress of Meropide, they learn that their charge is... "eating a cake specifically prepared for the archon by Snezhnayan envoy without the archon's permission, thereby incapacitating the political center of Fontaine for a brief period". For bonus points, the crime they are charged of is akin to committing an assassination attempt on the Hydro Archon herself, all because Furina herself is so fond of eating sweets.

Act 4

• One could think Wriothesley is a no-nonsense guy in charge of the biggest prison of Fontaine, and based on his design, it would be understandable if one expected him to be a massive edgelord. Cue immediate whiplash when he shows up with an honor guard of Clockwork Meka and cheerfully welcomes the Traveler and Paimon to the Fortress of Meropide before giving them a brief guided tour. He also somehow ends up trying to invite everyone for tea time.
  • He assures Lyney that Lynette is safe with some tea and cookies besides her. At first it sounds like "tea" is a euphemism, but when Lynette wakes up, the first thing she comments about is about the tea and snacks and overhearing Wriothesley giving indications to Sigewinne about how to prepare it properly.
  • After Clorinde rescues Freminet, Wriothesley invites her a cup of tea, which she refuses. They end up having tea anyway.
  • Apparently Wriothesley has made an habit of sending gift baskets with tea brews and snacks to all his friends, which include Clorinde, Furina and Neuvillette.
• Apparently Clorinde and Wriothesley had a small bet on whether Neuvillette would bring an army or handle the situation by himself. Wriothesley won and Clorinde gracefully accepts it.
  • When learning about the bet, Neuvillette tries to guess if Clorinde has to give something to Wriothesley like another tea kit. Clorinde then replies that she was thinking that Wriothesley could use a set of legal codices, which he finds funny because it's an elegant jab from her. And then Neuvillette asks if people from the Fortress are really that interested in how law works. Wriothesley sighs and has to tell him that they were just joking.
• As Arlecchino recounts her attempted assassination attempt on Furina, there's something darkly humorous about finding out that Furina immediately resorted to begging for her life despite supposedly being an Archon, and being so traumatised afterwards that she couldn't sleep nor eat her cake, but having no one to turn to for comfort or assistance. Arlecchino also freely recounts this to the Traveler as she's right in assuming that Furina's unwillingness to tell anyone about the attack will give her Karma Houdini status. Meanwhile, the threat of the prophecy coming true has increased since Neuvillette only temporarily managed to stop the Primordial Sea under the Fortress of Meropide from bursting out, and there is still no clear singular plan of action when the inevitable happens. It isn't looking good, folks.
• The Traveler learns about Childe's activities in Meropide from the inmates, and apparently he was busy. Despite the Harbinger's violent objections to being sent there, he decided to put in more work hours than any other prisoner for no clear reason, spent his free time winning matches in the Pankration Ring and became the leader of a small gang. When he was eventually driven to escape, the members of his gang decided to help by creating a series of "secret rules" based around Childe, which the rest of the inmates began following out of fear for their lives. This was all somehow achieved in what could at most be a few months.
• After the Traveler fills Lyney, Lynette, and Freminet about the true reason of the Fortress's Forbidden Zone and reconcile being friends, Paimon's stomach suddenly growls, causing the Traveler to cross their arms and roll their eyes at her.

Act 5

• Focalors talking about Furina and how she was perfect as a human in all the ways Focalors herself wanted to be is immediately undercut with a hilarious Mood Whiplash with this one line - "Anyway — so then I cursed her."
• Unlike most cutscenes, the cutscene where Neuvillette forgives the sins of Fontainians following Focalors' Heroic Suicide had a very brief window where the on field character that you have when starting the trial part can do their idle animation/quotes when the game tries to transition to the next part of the quest. This can lead to some unintentionally hilarious Mood Whiplash if the normally Tear Jerker cutscene was immediately followed by, say, Zhongli reminiscing about osmanthus wine or Hu Tao singing her hilichurl song during that window of time.
• In a bizarre anticlimax, after defeating the All-Devouring Narwhal, Skirk appears out of nowhere and seals the monstrosity into a sphere with no further fuss. What's truly hilarious is that she then chucks the thing through a portal, and nonchalantly tosses Childe's unconscious body after it before dusting her hands off like she does this every day.
• The Traveler and Paimon asks Neuvillette how Fontanians procreated when they weren't real humans. Turns out their ritual of praying at the fountain when they wanted children was actually how they became pregnant and now that they're full humans, said ritual has truly become the local custom it became over time.
• After the crisis has been resolved, the Traveler visits the Fortress of Meropide to learn that the flying ship has been returned to its dry dock. After speaking with Wriothesley, the player can find a conversation between Jurieu and Lourvine where the former discusses how weddings could be held on the ship◊. Given how much Suspiciously Specific Denial the two have about their relationship, you'd be forgiven for thinking the two need to Get a Room!.