- "Who farted?"
- Lloyd playing Foosball
Lloyd: Actually, cancer is a disease. You have a psychosexual disorder that manifests itself in deviant behaviour, so in short, you are... disgusting.
- When Lloyd and Charlie have to share a hotel room. With only one good bed. And Lloyd likes to sleep ''au naturale''
- Ray using Xavier Price to break his fall when he jumps out the window.
- Lloyd versus the prison psychiatrist:
Lloyd: Who I am? I'm a graduate of Harvard University, and Harvard Med Class of 1993. Where did you matriculate?
Shrink: The University of Illinois.
Lloyd: Hmm. State school.
- Lloyd's objections to Ray's hostage plan:
Lloyd: What about HIS gun, Ray? His gun wasn't unloaded!
Ray: (pause) That's a fair criticism.
- From the Season two Preview:
Shea: (watching Ray and Charlie have an arguement in Charlie's office): Somethin's goin' down.
Lloyd: Oh, I can translate that. (bad Italian accent; as Ray holds out his hands to each side) I once-a ate a canoli this-a big-a!
Erica: (as Charlie points to himself and then Ray): Do you know how handsome I am? I am very handsome. You? Not so much.
- From the second season premiere:
Lloyd: Where did you get the vanilla body lotion?
Erica: I donít have vanilla body lotion.
Lloyd: My God, that is your natural scent. Woman, you smell like cake.