Funny / Altered Carbon

Season 1:

Episode 1 - Out of the Past

• Ortega and Samir brainstorm why Laurens Bancroft would want to hire an ex-Envoy terrorist.
  Samir: Hired muscle? Uh, expensive toy? I don't know; maybe he's planning to invade another star system over the weekend like a Meth version of laser ball. Who the fuck knows?! [in Arabic] You made me swear.
• Ortega's Cowboy Cop moments are always good for a laugh.
  Ortega: You couldn't just disable them?
  Poe: I'm fully licensed for customer protection. And in any case, his attackers were remarkably rude.
  Samir: (quietly) You've shot people for less...

Episode 2 - Fallen Angel

• After Kovacs breaks into Vernon's apartment, beats him up, rifles through his stuff, finds his deepest darkest secret, and eats his cereal, Kovacs just goes to leave, without untying Vernon. Vernon is incredulous.
  Vernon: You're just gonna leave?
  Kovacs: [pauses, then puts some money on the chair] That's for the door... and the cereal.

Episode 3 - In a Lonely Place

• Kovacs carrying his arsenal in a pink kiddy's shoulder bag. Which he bought off a drug dealer who kept his entire stash in it. The guards don't appreciate him bringing guns into the most expensive building in the city.
  Kovacs: I would have left it in the car, but I really don't trust this neighborhood.

Episode 4 - Force of Evil

• Ortega shock-batons unconscious a Tattooed Crook twice as big as she is, spins up her dead grandmother in his sleeve for the Day of the Dead, then brings him/her home to Mum and the kids.
  Grandma: Oh, calm down, Alazne. It's like you've never seen a tattoo before.
  • For full context, the man was a Neo-Nazi, replete with Iron Cross tattoos and other provocative imagery. Having the racist giant's sleeve inhabited by a sassy Mexican abuelita is pure hilarity.
• Grandma fully enjoys being sleeved into an enormous man, entertaining the kids with toilet humor related to the sleeve.
  Grandma: I'm peeing standing up!
• In the middle of torturing Kovacs, Dimi Two's blowtorch goes out (because he's used up all his credit). Kovacs tells him it happens to every man after a certain age.
• After killing everyone in the Wei Clinic, Kovacs finds Vernon outside having just forced the cyborg thug to bring him there, and Boom Stackshots the latter without breaking stride.
  Vernon: I actually told him I'd let him live...

Episode 5 - The Wrong Man

• When Kovacs and Ortega need to get into Isaac Bancroft's house.
  Ortega: I could call for a search warrant, but it may be faster to go for a knock...
  Kovacs: (shoots out the lock)
  Ortega: ... or Kovacs. We could Kovacs.

Episode 6 - Man With My Face

• While the context is sad (Kovacs is trying to distract Ortega so she doesn't fall unconscious and bleed to death), their quick conversation about Ryker is funny.
  Ortega: [Ryker] had the most open cases on the squad. Drove me crazy.
  Kovacs: Dumb and pretty, huh? Wouldn't have thought that'd be your type.
  Ortega: He wasn't dumb and you're not that pretty.

Episode 7 - Nora Inu

• Vernon argues that, in order to regain hand-eye coordination, Poe should teach Lizzie something like sewing, tennis or the violin. Poe responds with the gem:
  Poe: To the best of my knowledge no one has ever crushed the testicles of an assailant using a stringed instrument.

Episode 8 - Clash by Night

• Kovacs having an Uncomfortable Elevator Moment with an insane religious hitman.
  Kovacs: Just attack me, please. It will hurt less than listening to this.
• Rei rolling her eyes at Ortega being the love of Tak's life "this week, anyway." She says he has a type.

Episode 9 - Rage in Heaven

• Kovacs tries a Break His Heart to Save Him on everyone, again.
  Kovacs: That's what we Envoys do: Make nice little rows of friends wherever we go, then line up behind the cannon fodder.
  Poe: ...we're friends?
  Vernon: Not really enough of us for cannon fodder.

Episode 10 - The Killers

• Lizzy's rampage is cathartic and full of dark comedy.
  Customer: I didn't dial for the S and M package. Although, maybe I'll just take it anyway.
  Lizzie: [stabbing him in the head] It's on the house.

Season 2:

Episode 1 - Phantom Lady

• The guy looking to pay Kovacs drops a case full of money in the middle of the club and lets everyone kill themselves over it. Kovacs notes that he palmed the credit chip, leaving the case empty. Then the club explodes. Even Kovacs looks surprised at that.
  Kovacs: ...maybe not completely empty.
• Kovacs starts the episode in the sleeve of a female lounge singer. Later he mentions that he was really looking forward to playing the piano.
• Poe comes inside to see a pile of bodies:
  Poe: My word. We just got here.
  Kovacs: I didn't kill him.
  Poe: What a refreshing change.

Episode 2 - Payment Deferred

• Kovacs complains that his sleeve's toxin filter means he can't get drunk. He decides to try by sheer volume.

Episode 3 - Nightmare Alley

• The techs try to extract the memories of Kovacs' loved ones to use against him. At first all they can get is an image of the Colonel... naked and riding a cartoon unicorn. It salutes the real Colonel when he sees it, and when the camera focuses on Kovacs he can be seen almost laughing.
• Poe, in the middle of trying to get help to rescue Kovacs, repeatedly taking offense to being called a 'bellboy'.

Episode 4 - Shadow of a Doubt

• Dig takes her new duties as Quell's caretaker seriously, and immediately starts making preparations for injuries. Unfortunately, she's stuck with Poe, who has been traveling with Kovacs for thirty years.
  Dig: Where's the human first aid kit?
  Poe: Behind the bar.
  Dig: [finds it] This is just whiskey.
  Poe: [mildly offended] It's also gin.

Episode 5 - I Wake Up Screaming

• When Poe first discovers that his glitch causes flowers in the construct to die, he tosses it over his shoulder like a kid hiding a broken plate.
• Trepp invites Kovacs and Quell to loot a store for gear. When the owner shows up, it turns out he's her dad.

Episode 6 - Bury Me Dead

• Before Kovacs opens his eyes, he hears Trepp warning him "don't move, don't look down, and don't open your left hand." He immediately moves and looks down, seeing that he's hanging from the side of the cliff by his left hand.
  Trepp: What did I just say!?
• Trepp is less than impressed by Kovacs' Badass Boast.
  Trepp: You're not exactly in fighting shape, and we have no weapons!
  Kovacs: We are the weapons!
  Trepp: [muttering] What the hell does that even mean?

Episode 7 - Experiment Perilous

• When Trepp has to borrow Kovacs' sleeve, she's clearly enjoying the Super-Soldier upgrades.
  Praetorian: It's the Last Envoy!
  [Trepp effortlessly defeats them, including kicking one ten feet into a wall]
  Trepp: Damn right I am.
• That being said, she clearly isn't enjoying being in a male sleeve, and gets the hell out of it the second she gets back.

Episode 8 - Broken Angels

• Dark example, but Kovacs is not impressed with Quell's plan to let the Elder hop into her stack and then nuke herself with angelfire.
  Kovacs: Why is your solution always "fix it and die?"