[[caption-width-right:298:Welcome to the infantry]]
A Navy Seal is sent to babysit five obnoxious kids while their mother goes to Switzerland. [[TemptingFate What could possibly go wrong?]]

Creator/VinDiesel stars in his first family comedy. After a rescue mission to save government scientist Howard Plummer ends with the scientist dead and Navy Seal Shane Wolfe (Diesel) in the hospital, Shane is sent to protect the deceased scientist's family while their mother Julie (Faith Ford) and Shane's superior Captain Bill Fawcett (Chris Potter) goes to Zurich, Switzerland, to retrieve a deposit box her husband had left there. Initially, the five kids, {{Alpha Bitch}} wannabe Zoe (Creator/BrittanySnow), rebel without a cause Seth (Max Thieriot), [[ScoutOut Firefly Scout]] Lulu (Morgan York), toddler Peter, and baby Tyler, cannot stand their new guardian and do everything they can think of to get him out. In response, Shane treats the family to some military style discipline.

Things aren't much better at school. While Principal Claire Fletcher (Lauren Graham) allows him to be there to protect the kids, Vice Principal {{Jerkass}} Dwayne Murney (Creator/BradGarrett) -- who actively dislikes Seth, particularly when he quits the wrestling team -- is a totally different matter. As Shane tries to deal with him and come to some sort of agreeable arrangement with the kids, he tries to find the missing satellite program, all while dealing with a pair of masked ninjas who are looking for the same.

They get word that their mother cannot get the box until she can supply the correct password, so she ends up staying for a lot longer. As time goes on, Shane finds himself warming up to the kids, and the feelings are eventually reciprocated. In the end, Shane becomes a surrogate father to the kids, and, with their help, he saves their father's research from falling into enemy hands.
!!This film provides examples of:

* ActionHeroBabysitter: Creator/VinDiesel plays a Navy SEAL tasked with babysitting.
* AmazonBrigade: Lulu's Firefly troop becomes this, due to having Shane as a den mother.
* BaldOfAwesome: Shane (well, technically a shaved head, but hey...)
* BoundAndGagged: Happens to the kids, before they quickly and silently [[SlippedTheRopes Slip The Ropes]].
* ChekhovsGun: The Peter Panda dance. [[spoiler: It's the means for surviving GHOST's very large array of traps.]]
** ChekhovsGunman: [=Principal/PO3=] Claire Fletcher, Garry the duck, and the neighbors.
** ChekhovsSkill: Zoe's parallel parking.
*** And Tyler crying when Lulu crosses her eyes.
* TheComicallySerious: Shane puts his SEAL training into every aspect of the family.
* CoverInnocentEyesAndEars: Zoe covers Tyler's eyes when Murney comes out in a nasty looking wrestling outfit.
** Creator/BradGarrett himself feels very embarrassed about being forced to wear that nasty wrestling outfit as proven in an interview. The first 30 seconds of the interview keeps showing montages of him in the wrestling outfit doing silly poses until Brad begs while blocking the camera "Please! This has ''gotta'' stop! Enough! Enough!"
-->'''Brad Garrett''': But they made me wear in the wrestling sequence, which if you wanna cut to that right now. (''small inset screen at the bottom corner showing Brad in the outfit'') Please don't watch this if you've already had dinner. I'm sorry, it's a little frightening. It's a ''bad'' outfit for me.
* CulturedWarrior: When Shane finds out Seth is sneaking out to rehearsals for ''Theatre/TheSoundOfMusic,'' he is impressed, even taking over as director when the first one quits. He even remarks that ''The Sound of Music'' is his favorite musical because "a nun giving up the habit for a military guy" can't be all bad.
* DeanBitterman: Principal Claire Fletcher is a ReasonableAuthorityFigure. Vice Principal Dwayne Murney, on the other hand, is an egotistical {{Jerkass}} who clearly has it out for the Plummers (''especially'' Seth).
* DeathCourse: One of the more ludicrous examples.
* DynamicEntry: Shane kicks Seth's door down (worried about bad guys), not knowing Seth was in the bathroom across the hall.
* ElaborateUndergroundBase: It turns out that Howard somehow managed to outfit his house with a high-tech underground safe (complete with DeathCourse) without his family ever realizing.
* FatalFamilyPhoto: Howard Plummer shows Shane a photo of his family just before getting killed by Serbian rebels.
* GettingCrapPastTheRadar: In the TimeCompressionMontage, one of the diaper changing scenes shows Tyler's genitals briefly.
** It should be noted that infants get a pass on such issues as long as it's not focused on.
* GettingTheBabyToSleep: Shane (a reluctant babysitter) has to learn the "Peter Panda Dance" (and the song that goes along with it), which is the only way to get one of the kids to go to sleep.
* GratuitousNinja: [[spoiler: They're secretly the Plummer's neighbors.]]
* GroinAttack: Garry the duck ''bites'' a terrorist there.
** Earlier, Lulu kicks the Male Ninja [[spoiler:Mr. Chun]] in the crotch.
* HateSink: Vice Principal Murney.
* IKnowKarate: After being harassed by a rival troop of boy scouts, Shane teaches the Fireflies to defend themselves. The next time the boys try something, the girls give them a beatdown that ends with them tied to each other, bound with their neckerchiefs and gagged with cookies.
* ImprobableParkingSkills: Shane and Zoe have them.
* JerkWithAHeartOfGold: Shane. He can be pretty aloof and rather stubborn and impatient with the kids, but he has a good heart and teaches the kids how to handle their problems and encourages them to do what makes them happy in various ways.
** Also Vice Principal Murney.
* LockAndLoadMontage: Parodied as Shane "suits up" with diapers, baby bottles, etc. as he gets ready to take the kids to school.
** Also played straight in the opening scene.
* MeaningfulEcho: "You do things my/our way! No highway option!"
* MistakenForSubculture: Seth, the older son, is mistaken for a Neo-Nazi when he dyes his hair blond and a swastika was found in his locker. Turns out that he was actually playing Rolf in ''Theatre/TheSoundOfMusic''.
* TheMole: [[spoiler: The Plummer's neighbors are secretly North Korean spies, and Shane's superior Captain Fawcett plans to sell GHOST to North Korea once it's found.]]
* MrFanservice: Shane goes shirtless at one point.
** [[ReluctantFanserviceGirl Reluctant Fanservice Guy:]] He's pretty embarrassed when seen by Lulu and her Firefly troop in that state, though.
* MyFavoriteShirt: Shane's shirt gets mustard and bologna on it, prompting this phrase.
** Also hilarious considering all of his shirts are the ''same!''
* NeverTrustATrailer: The promotional trailer combines a scene of Shane preparing to drive the family minivan to school, answered by the younger daughter [[LargeHam dramatically]] leaping out to kiss the ground after the van finally comes to a stop. The latter scene is actually in response to the older daughter's first driving lesson with the van, rather than Shane's BadassDriver skills.
* NiceJobBreakingItHero: Seth and Zoe pour cooking oil on the stairs, hoping that Shane will slip on it. Instead, Helga the nanny does and then does a rather bad topple down the stairs. This causes Helga to [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere quit and leave in a rage]] despite Shane's attempts to stop her from leaving.
* ParentalAbandonment: Shane was raised by his father (his mother left when he was very little) who sent him off to military school so that he could keep being a soldier. He was then killed in action.
* PhysicalFitnessPunishment: Zoey's boyfriend Scott tries to sneak in through a window, setting off the alarm. Shane, catches Scott and tells him to give him twenty.
-->'''Shane''': Gimme 20. ''(Scott takes out his wallet)'' I meant ''push-ups''!
* SadistTeacher: Dwayne Murney, while not really a ''sadist'', is an arrogant and abusive wrestling coach.
* SlippedTheRopes: Two of the kids do this, silently and impressively.
* ShoutOut: The kids' mother's name Julie Plummer is an explicit reference to ''Theatre/TheSoundOfMusic'' stars '''Julie''' Andrews and Christopher '''Plummer'''.
** There are many references to ''The Sound Of Music'', all the way up to comparing the movie to the musical itself.
* SuckECheeses: Woody Woodchuck's. It does not look like a very fun place to be with kids screaming and fighting, and the employees wearing terrible-looking [[BracesOfOrthodonticOverkill around-the-head braces ...]]
-->'''Shane:''' And they say ''war'' is hell.
* TimeCompressionMontage: Shows Shane warming up to the family, Zoe's driving skills improving, Seth practicing for the play, Lulu and her scouts learning [[IKnowKarate martial arts]], and Shane learning how to change a diaper.
* TitleDrop: Shane is describing his special ops wrestling grapples with one in particular (and his personal favorite) called "the Pacifier." Just so you know, [[OrificeInvasion it involves putting the opponent's fingers in said opponent's own mouth]].
* TokenRomance: Shane and Claire.
* ToThePain: Shane describes the exact grapples he pulls on the wrestling coach as he is doing them.
* [[UngratefulBastard Ungrateful Bitch]]: Shown during the WildTeenParty below. Zoe is yelling at her boyfriend Scott for inviting a whole bunch of people that she didn't know to her house for a party. After Shane gets back and makes them clean up the mess they made (which includes [[RunningGag baloney plastered to the ceiling with mustard]]), she's upset...''because Scott will never speak to her again.'' Shane, being a SEAL, has the sense to call her out on that.
-->'''Zoe''': Thanks a lot, Lt. Loser! Now I'm gonna be the school joke! I don't know what I'll say to my friends!\\
'''Shane''': You call those people your "friends?" They have no respect for you. They have no respect for your home. You don't even have any respect for ''yourself!''
* WildTeenParty: While Shane is out with the scouts, Zoe throws a party. When he gets back, he has all the teens clean up their mess.
* YouAreNumberSix: Given Shane's background in the U.S. Navy SEALS, Shane discards the kids' names. He labels them "Red One", "Red Two", "Red Three" and "Red Four".