You'll get [[IncrediblyLamePun smashed]] in no time. Play in a 5 stock or 5 minute multiplayer match on any stage, with items but no teams (preferably). You can't pause to take a drink.

!! ''General Rules''
* Drink when you get KO'd
** If you're playing Stock Match, and you wait until the revival platform disappears automatically, drink again.
* If you get a legendary in a Pokeball, take a drink
** If you get a Goldeen in a Pokeball, everyone else drinks
*** If the Goldeen came from a ''Master Ball'', everyone takes two drinks.
* If [[WinTheCrowd the crowd chants your name]], everyone else takes a drink because [[BadAss you're awesome]].
** If you are playing as Dark Pit [[note]]whose crowd chant uses his EmbarrassingNickname "Pittoo"[[/note]], take a sympathetic drink for his sake while the others take theirs.
* If [[DrunkWithPower you use a Smash Ball]], drink.
** If you fail to KO anyone with your Final Smash, drink again.
** If you somehow manage to SD while/after using your Final Smash, drink again.
* If you're [[SmugSnake hurt while taunting]], take a drink for arrogance. Two if you play as the Duck Hunt Duo.
* If you lose all your lives or finish the match without K.O.ing anyone, finish your drink
* The winner of a match gets to deal out a drink to someone, the loser has to take a drink
** Alternatively, take a drink relative to your position ie. the winner takes four drinks, 2nd place takes three, 3rd takes two and 4th takes one. The better players receive the handicap of being drunk, so everyone's playing ability levels out fast.
* If an explosive spawns on top of you while attacking and then explodes, take a drink out of sadness.
* If you're playing on Gaur Plain (not Omega Mode or 8-Player Smash), take a shot each time Metal Face shows up.
** Take another shot if he just flies away rather than being defeated.
* If Pit or Dark Pit SD when using their respective arms, take a drink. This includes when you're playing as either of them.
* If Meta Knight Drill Rushes off the stage, take a drink. Again, this includes when you're playing as him.
* If playing on the Miiverse stage, take a drink if a meme post shows up. Add a sip if Donkey Kong is in the fight and an Expand post comes up.
** If an insult post comes up, take a big drink. Finish in a bit of rage if it's directed at your character.
** If an inappropriate post comes up, take a drink. Reaching for the BrainBleach is optional.
** If a call for a certain character to be voted in as [=DLC=] comes up, drink.
*** Take another drink if they aren't even a Nintendo character.
*** And another if they aren't even a gaming character.
** A post talking about how Ness is [[{{VideoGame/Undertale}} Sans]]? That deserves a drink.
** Down the glass if it is for '''''[[PrecisionFStrike frea]][[LastSecondWordSwap king]] [[FandomBerserkButton Sh]][[Franchise/{{Shrek}} rek]].'''''
** Take two drinks if a post comes up saying '(Insert) will never be [=DLC=]'.
** If an impressively well-drawn piece of character art comes up, drink.
** If a post that's nothing to do with the game, or even gaming at all, comes up, drink. Optional extra drinks if it's clearly just being used to soapbox personal opinions.
** Take a drink for every "Sanic" joke you see. Take an extra drink if Sonic's not even fighting and you see one.
** Take a drink for every time you see a Harambe joke. Optionally, down the bottle if one appears when not pertaining to Donkey Kong or Diddy Kong.
* If you or someone else chooses Final Destination, take a drink. If this gives you an advantage (e.g. due to good projectile attacks or playing as Little Mac), take a second drink.

!! ''Additional Rules''
* For every KO you score with a hammer/golden hammer, everyone else must take a drink. However, if your hammer breaks/the golden hammer is a fake, or if you SD without killing anyone else while holding a hammer, finish your drink.
* If you KO everyone else with the Dragoon, they all must finish their drinks.
* If you grab a stopwatch and the only person it slows down is ''you'', take a drink.
* Take two drinks every time you accidentally grab a Poison Mushroom, thinking it was a regular one.
* For ''Melee'' and ''Brawl'': If you SD on the track of Big Blue, take a drink.
** For Brawl: If you SD off the ''left'' side of the stage's track, everyone else takes a drink with you.
* If you get caught and abducted by Boss Galaga, Nabbit or the Beetle item, take a drink. Take an additional one if it was [[HoistByHisOwnPetard your own Beetle]].
* If you get blown up with a Bob-omb that started walking on its own, take a drink. If this leads to an SD, take a second drink.
* If you grab a Cloaking Device, take a drink for every [[TheAllSeeingAI CPU]] opponent currently in battle.

!! For ''Brawl'''s Adventure Mode:
* Whenever a character's name appears during their first appearance, take a drink.
* Whenever a cutscene goes into BulletTime, take a drink.
* If a character says something, take a drink.
** Take two if it's a UnspokenPlanGuarantee.
* Whenever someone is revived from being a trophy, take a drink.
** If the trophy is laying down during revival and the revived character is already shown standing instead of getting up, take another drink.
* Whenever the Airship theme plays, take a drink.
* In every case of RecycledSoundtrack (i.e. a song not newly arranged for the game), take a drink.
* Whenever you hear a song that's not in the sound test, take a drink.
* Anytime a song plays that isn't in that stage's My Music list, take a drink.
* Every time Tabuu uses Off Waves, take a drink.

!! ''Online edition'':
* [[ComplacentGamingSyndrome Take a drink every time you fight Little Mac in For Glory.]] That includes when ''you'' play as him.
** Take two drinks every time Little Mac Jolt Haymakers off the stage and self-destructs.
* If the game lags, drink as long as it takes to get back to normal.
* If you find yourself fighting a well-known tournament player (such as [=ZeRo=] or [=Mew2King=]), take a drink to ease the pain.
** If you ''win'' against them, take two drinks to commemorate your success.
* If you fight in For Glory and the match ends up being a Fox MirrorMatch, raise your glass and shout [[MemeticMutation the old phrase]][[note]]"No items! Fox only! Final Destination!"[[/note]], then take a drink.
* Every time someone {{ragequit}}s on you, smugly take a drink.
* Take a drink if you get banned from online.
** Down the bottle if it's because of a glitch.
* If you enter a match that has turned into a taunt party, take a drink, then join the fun.
* Take a drink every time you hear "Roy's our boy!"
* [[ComplacentGamingSyndrome Take a drink whenever you encounter Diddy Kong online.]] Like with Little Mac, this also applies to when ''you'' play as him.
** Take a drink every time Diddy does a down-throw-to-Up-Aerial combo. Take another sip if K.O.'d from said combo. Saying the phrase[[note]]"Hoo-Hah!"[[/note]] is optional.
* Take a shot every time you're up against [[ComplacentGamingSyndrome Captain Falcon.]] This also applies if ''you'' play him.
** Two if it's [[RealMenWearPink Captain]] [[FanNickname Fabulous]].
** Take a shot every time they try to [[MeteorMove down aerial]] you off stage.[[labelnote:*]] This one can also apply to [[MovesetClone Ganondorf]][[/labelnote]]
** Take a shot every time they try to go for something flashy and then [=KO=] themselves accidentally.
** If they unnecessarily finish you off if your recovery comes up short, AKA "disrespect" you, down a whole bottle to numb your pain. [[labelnote:*]]However, if you disrespect someone, down a whole bottle in celebration![[/labelnote]]
* Take a shot every time you get connected to a Japanese person and they immediately leave.
* Take a shot every time you go up against Ganondorf and they try to [[TakingYouWithMe Flame Choke you on the ledge or offstage.]]
** Take two if they succeed.
*** Take three if they do it and win because of that.
*** Take ''four'' if they land it on you while facing away from the ledge.
** As stated with Falcon, if they gratuitously finish you off if your recovery comes up short, AKA "disrespect" you, down two whole bottles to numb the torment. [[labelnote:*]] But if you disrespect someone with Ganondorf, down two bottles of your finest wine in celebration![[/labelnote]]
* Take a shot if you go up against Charizard and they spam Flame Blitz.
** If they accidentally self-destruct with it by going too far off the edge, chuckle at their pain and finish the bottle off.
* Take a shot every time you go up against Marth, Lucina, Roy, or Ike and they counter spam. Applies really to anyone else with a counter, like Corrin, Little Mac and Bayonetta.
** Take two if you get hit by one of them.
*** If you successfully [[AttackBackfire bait one of their counter,]] smugly take a drink.
* Take a shot every time your opponent uses [[RealMenWearPink a pink alternate color]]. [[labelnote:*]]This doesn't count for Princess Peach, Jigglypuff, Kirby, or Zelda. [[CaptainObvious Obviously]].
* Take a shot - Cloud Strife edition:
** One shot every time Cloud successfully tops off his Limit gauge. Take another if he does it manually because of '''"GENKAI WO KOERU"'''.
** One shot if he scores a kill with any of his Limit Break specials. Down a drink if it's Finishing Touch.
** Take two shots if you manage to kill him by [[WeaksauceWeakness grabbing him during his recovery]] and then [[http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/096/118/d14.gif releasing him.]]
[[/labelnote]]

!! ''Inside Gaming'':
* 1st: 0 shots.
* 2nd: 0.5 shots.
* 3rd: 1 shot.
* 4th: 1.5 shots.
* 5th: 2 shots.
* Bonus Rule: Take one shot immediately if you get KO'd by a Final Smash.

!! ''Classic Mode for ''[=WiiU=]'''':
* Get a glass (for each player), separate from your actual one. The drink in the glass represents the gold on the fiend's scale; fill it proportional to the gold invested (chosen difficulty level). If you lose a match, you'll lose gold on the scale; drink proportional to the gold lost.
* Drink when an intruder appears.
* Drink if you run out of stock in a match and your partner carries you through.
* If you end a match with 2 stock, you're doing too well! Two drinks.
* Drink if an [=AI=] is KO'd by doing something stupid.

!! ''[[spoiler: Master Core.]] for ''[=WiiU=]''''

This is where it gets interesting...
* Take two drinks once you encounter [[spoiler:Master Core.]]
* If you dodge one of [[spoiler:Master Giant]]'s attacks, take a drink.
* Take a drink for every form of [[spoiler:Master Core]] you defeat.
* If you make it all the way to [[spoiler:Master Fortress,]] take two drinks.
** If you make it to [[spoiler:Master Fortress]] without losing a life, down the drink.
** If there is no [[spoiler:Master Fortress,]] [[EasyModeMockery you're not so tough. Take three drinks as punishment, then go think about what you have done.]]
* For every enemy you defeat inside [[spoiler:Master Fortress]], take a drink.
** If an enemy destroys another enemy, take two.
* If you fall into a yellow wall or [[HollywoodAcid the acidic urine]] inside [[spoiler: Master Fortress,]] take a drink.
** Take another for every time you bounce onto the same place.
** Take two if you are knocked into said wall or acid pee by an enemy.
** Take three if you [[CruelAndUnusualDeath explode upon contact with a wall or boiling excretion.]]
* If you use the Heart Container, take a shameful drink.
* For every heart you destroy inside [[spoiler:Master Fortress]], take a drink.
** If it's destroyed by a launched enemy, down your glass because [[KillSteal THAT ENEMY JUST STOLE YOUR FREAKING POINT.]]
* Down your drink if you beat all forms of [[spoiler:Master Core, another if you beat Master Fortress.]]
* If it's 9.0, you beat [[spoiler:Master Fortress]] without losing a life and without using the Heart Container... Drink up all your booze, wine, martinis, margaritas, anything with alcohol. '''''ALL OF IT.'''''

!! ''[=WiiRikeToPray=] rules for ''[=SSB64=]'''':
* 1. Fall = 1 drink
* 2. Spiked (meteor/shine) = 2 drinks
* 3. Loss = 1 drink
* 4. Winner = Hand out 1 drink
* 5. Falcon/DK punch = 1 drink
* 6. Samus fully charged shot = 1 drink
* 7. Explosive self-destruct = 1 drink
* 8. Hit by homerun bat swing - 3 drinks
* 9. Jigglypuff rest = 1 drink
* 10. Take a Maxim Tomato = 3 drinks
* 11. Take a Heart Container = 5 drinks
* 12. KO'd by stage environment = 1 drink
* 13. Stage spike = 3 drinks
* 14. Sudden Death loss = finish drink
* 15. Lose all lives before anybody else loses one = finish drink