Drink whenever there is a use of pyrotechnics/wind machine
Drink whenever there is someone on stage of questionable gender.
Alternate rules from Finnish magazine City:
Whenever a song contains more than one language, take a sip.
If one of those languages is pronounced badly by the singer, take another sip for every badly pronounced language.
Whenever a song is about world peace or friendship that unites nations, take a sip. (f.ex. Israel's There Must Be Another Way from 2009, Georgia's Peace Will Come from 2008.)
If the song panders to the gay audience, take a sip.
If the song could end up in a drag queen's performance repertoire, take another sip. (Sweden's Invincible from 2006.)
If the song is a joke or a "protest", take a sip.
If you're not sure, take a sip anyway.
If the song is a copy of last year's winning song, take a sip.
If the song resembles ABBA, take an additional sip.
If the song's title does not have actual words in it, take a sip. (Sweden's Diggi-loo, Diggi-ley from 1984, the Netherlands' Ding dinge dong from 1975.)
If the performer changes outfits during the performance, take a sip. (Things like tearing away part of a dress or growing wings like Lordi in 2006 count.)
If the last chorus goes up a key, take a sip.
If the performer has a mustache or manly stubble, take a sip.
Take an additional sip if said performer is a woman.
If the dancers are in national costume, take a sip.
If the performance resembles a tourism ad, take an additional sip. (Moldova's "Hora Din Moldova from 2009.)
If the song contains an "ethnic" instrument, take a sip. Accordion and pan flute count as ethnic instruments.
If the performance contains excessive amounts of wind machine use, take a sip. (Sweden's Invincible and Albania's Zemren E Lame Peng from 2006, Azerbaijan's Always and Croatia's Lijepa Tena from 2009.)
If the female singer's eyebrows are noticeably darker than her hair, take a sip.
If the singer has whitened teeth, take a sip.
Whenever the hosts have changed outfits between performances, take a sip.
If Ireland performs a ballad, take a sip.
If Malta performs a power ballad, take a sip. (The One That I Love from 1998, Angel from 2005, What If We from 2009.)
If a song from a country that was formerly part of Yugoslavia is melancholy, take a sip.
If a song from a country in the Balkans contains the word "Balkan", take a sip. (Macedonia's Mojot Svet from 2007, Romania's The Balkan Girls from 2009, Serbia's Ovo Je Balkan from 2010.)
If a Greek male performer or dancer shows off large amounts of pectoral muscle, take a sip. (Shake It from 2004, My Number One from 2005, This Is Our Night from 2009, Opa! from 2010...)
If said Greek performer or dancer has massive chest hair, take another sip.
If a country gives another country 12 points for geographical or political reasons, take a sip.
Additional Rules by the British:
If you're fairly confident the song is in English but can't understand a thing, drink until you can.
If you're not sure, do it anyway.
If a country's "postcard" is cringeworthy and/or your national commentator says yours is so much better, take a sip.
Drink every time you see your country's flag.
Take a sip for every point the United Kingdom get.
Or Azerbaijan, if you actually want a drink.
Or for how many places you are above UK or below Azerbaijan.
How many places the UK are above Germany (and France).
A sip for every terrible joke and/or allusion to host country's failure/success.
Drink whenever The War is strategically avoided being mentioned (you will notice when this happens).
If you can guess who Spain and Moldova will give points to, everyone else drinks.
Sip whenever you notice the British really aren't taking this whole thing seriously.
Down the thing if the hosts notice the British aren't taking it seriously.
Sip when Russia, Ukraine, Georgia, and Belarus give each other top points.
Or when they don't, if you plan to re-watch 2014's.
When Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Iceland, and Holland give each other top points.
Drink when someone (including in the room with you) boos at who gets points.
Sip for each song more reliant on performance than song.
And each song that sounds weirdly familiar.
And each that puts a kid in the room to sleep.
Finish your drink if you hate the song that's favourite to win.
And again if it wins.
Or if you hate the song which wins.
Celebratory drinks if your country wins.
Congratulatory drinks if the UK wins!
A country ends with nil points.
Twice if it's not France/Spain/UK.
Sip each time you think a country's giving top points to UK, but they're saying 'Ukraine'.