Season 2, Episode 13 (Finale). Preceded by The Days Of Knight
, followed by Far From The Nest
The Vamp Benders are searching for Thag McLarg , involved in the secret organizations Gay Haitian Needle-Drug Yakuza and Brotherhood of the Cold Sun. For several weeks (portrayed in several minutes) they jump around seeking a lead. Thoroughly investigated are the anti-global-warming movement, Haiti and nearby Caribbean nations, and local gay-rights associations. When none of these leads prove successful, they begin following intravenous drug users. Solo joins in (the using, that is), and morale hits an all-time low. Suspecting that time may be running out, Avatar calls an emergency meeting.
Avatar: We've already searched their local venues. They must be hiding behind some other conspiracy. What could it be?
Nerdly: That the oil is running out.
Sue: The Atkins diet.
Solo: The war on drugs.
Cleo: Britney Spears.
Avatar: Great idea, Solo. Let's head for Roswell.
Cut to a dark laboratory where Lord Bl?w and Thag McLarg are watching a strange, orange substance in sealed test tubes.
Lord Bl?w: You did well setting up the false organizations. The Benders have no chance of finding us. In twenty-four hours, you will release the Super-AIDS virus among the upper levels of the business and government leadership. The unstoppable wheel will be set in motion, and within months, a thousand years of night will begin.
Thag McLarg: Why did you just say all that?
The Benders search the Roswell crash site, looking for some hint of the BotCS or GHNDY. Suddenly, Fluffy starts pawing the ground, which they discover to be a disguised trapdoor
. It remains thoroughly sealed until Sue bashes it open with her bare hand.
Nerdly (stunned): How are you able to break a metal door with your bare hand?
Sue: If you people only worked out more...
Within moments of entry into the unlit corridors below
, the Benders are surrounded by vampires.
Nerdly: They are from the House of 1000 Nights. We must be on the right track!
Avatar: Huh? Who are they? We've never even met them!
Nerdly: Umm... I have the ability to sense minor pieces of relevant information?
The Benders quickly defeat the ranks of undead, as Solo suddenly pulls out two knives and charges ahead, hacking vampires left and right.
Cleo: What's with him?
Nerdly: I don't think he's found a controlled substance since we were in Haiti. Is it possible he's... sober?
Eventually, they reach a dark laboratory. No more vampires are attacking them, and Solo is threatening someone they have never met before.
Avatar: Who's he?
Nerdly: Lord Bl?w.
Avatar: You're starting to resemble the Professor... What are you going to do next, take his place?
Lord Bl?w: Pay attention you fools! (and in a calmer voice to Solo) And could you give me some space young sir? I have a monologue to deliver.
Solo: Oh, okay, sorry. But don't try anything.
Lord Bl?w: Thanks. Now, as I was about to say until you idiots started a side-conversation, you are all too late. Since you have found our base, I am sure you have deduced my masterful plan... (the Benders stare blankly) No? Well, here goes. The Super-AIDS virus is a highly potent disease that cannot be destroyed by the human immune system. Conveniently, it has no effect on the Cro-Magnons who developed it, or on vampires. I have spread suspicion among the world's humans, causing them to suspect the existence of dozens of massive conspiracies. This fear makes them easier for the Cro-Magnon virus to subdue. Soon, they slavishly obey any commands given them
. Since the virus must enter the digestive system to take effect, we will only use it on world leaders. Under our control, they will finally implement the Kyoto protocol ending global warming.
Solo: Thats not much of an evil plan, stopping global warming.
Lord Bl?w: Ah yes like sheep to the slaughter you see, global warming is a scam perpetrated by the BotCS and the Kyoto protocol will bring about a new ice age allowing Al Gore and the other Cro-Magnon overlords of the brotherhood to conquer the world with their hydrogen powered super tanks, but unbeknownst to them...
Avatar: Unbeknownst? Who even uses that word?
Lord Bl?w: I do. Unbeknownst to them, I know that they plan to move against the House of the 1000 Year Night. I have planned ahead, and will activate my army of robotic, hydrogen-powered super tanks. Then, the world will fall to the vampires forever, once we have put out the sun. The Brotherhood seeks cold, but I seek darkness.
Nerdly: Your plan is ridiculously complicated! Why are you telling us all this?
Lord Bl?w: It's always so hard to find someone willing to listen to a monologue these days. Also, as I said before, you're too late. We grew the virus here, under the cover of the government's cover-up of the alien crash. Our puppet, the Gay Haitian Needle-Drug Yakuza, claimed credit for it to make you follow the wrong trail and waste time. Mere minutes from now, the virus will be hidden in the food served by our fake catering organization at an international business summit. You have no chance of getting there, or even out of this base, before the virus is served and the base blows up.
Solo: But we still have you trapped! We can kill you!
Lord Bl?w: And I am sure you would, if I had stayed here instead of leaving a solid hologram in my place. Goodbye, weaklings. (The hologram that the Benders believed was Lord Bl?w winks out of existence).
The Benders decide that if a villain ever spends more than 30 seconds with them without obviously trying to harm them, they will run away. Next, Avatar thinks for several seconds, and proceeds to assemble a blast grenade out of lab equipment. The Benders are not impressed.
Sue: I thought you did that in your sleep.
They blast the ceiling open, and scramble out onto the surface. Cleo's dress is torn in the process. Moments later, the ground shakes from an underground explosion, which viewers are led to believe was the self-destruct mechanism.
Cleo: Justin Time
! I nearly lost my underwear down there.
Nerdly, who is suddenly knowledgeable of international events, explains that the world business meeting is taking place in Washington D.C., under the direction of presidential candidate Al Gore. Sue suggests that he might be a Cro-Magnon, but everyone else shouts her down. Then, Avatar announces that he has calibrated the Story Gate generator to teleport
them to the meeting place.
Nerdly: You mean we couldn't teleport around these places before? And the vampires never suspected that you might invent in-story teleportation?
Avatar: There's a reason we got here by plane.
Sue: We're wasting time with all these random comments. Let's go!
They do, and end up in a huge kitchen, right behind Thag McLarg, who is carrying a large jar of liquid. After a brief battle scene where the still-sober Solo beats him up, they throw the jar into the trash. After all, according to Nerdly, that's the one place rich people won't eat from. Everything else can be considered gourmet. While they express their disgust, Thag crawls away, and Solo finds alcohol once again.
The virus is destroyed. The exhausted Benders call it quits, figuring that their opponents are too crafty to be captured immediately.
Avatar: Next time, we'll be ready...
- Executives ordered the writers to avoid anything that might further antagonize homosexuals, Haiti, or environmentalists. They had, however, been offered money to support the claims of UFO believers. Rabid debate sprang up regarding the highly controversial implications in Birth Of A Dark Star and The Days Of Knight making them among the most well-known by non-viewers. Deciding to follow a working pattern, the network commissioned the writing of the novel Time After Crime. This successful mix of controversy and complex plotting turned into a ongoing series of novels called Revenge Of Xanatos.
- Fans speculate that certain out-of-character actions portrayed by Solo indicate the beginnings of future character modification. There have been mild complaints that this episode and the previous contain too much dialog.