Psyga: So, we’re off on a journey. Excellent.
Haruto: Wait... don’t we have to go to a store and get items?
Psyga: Well, I think we already have our items and-
[Odds: Somewhat likely, Chaos Factor: 4. Roll... 92.]
Psyga: Damn it. We just caused the DM to try and kill us.
MYTHIC: No. What I did was roll a die and got an exceptional no. Through logic and interpretation, I have come with the conclusion. And it's no. Not only do you don’t have to go to a store and get items, but you already got items to begin with. Say what you wish, and I shall allow it, regardless of money. You can only be allowed five items each though.
The computer prints out a list of available equipment to use.
Psyga: Sweet! I’m taking up... Let’s see... A falchion, that could do... A Chain shirt would also do... I don’t think I need anything else... Would Phoenix Downs do?
[Odds: Very unlikely, Chaos Factor: 4. Roll... 60]
MYTHIC: No.
Psyga: Welp, enjoy a short game then. Trust me, my characters were as squishy as jello. We won’t stand a chance without revival tools.
[Diplomacy Difficulty: 15. Roll... 7. FAIL]
MYTHIC: No.
Psyga: Oh, alright. I’m keeping those three free items as a lifeline, though! No yes/no question about it!
MYTHIC: Very well. I shall accept that bargin. Only because you didn’t phrase it as a question. Now, Haruto, what of you?
Haruto: Hm... Let’s see... Could I have a sword that can turn into a gun?
[Odds: Very unlikely, Chaos Factor: 4. Roll... 56]
MYTHIC: No.
Haruto: Alright then... Quarter staff and four rings, all of them having Elemental Control of each of the four elements.
Psyga: Wow, emulating yourself much?
Haruto: Hey, it worked for me before.
Psyga: Yeah... But you could have spent those free items on armor for yourself. You’re a Squishy Wizard after all.
Haruto: I’ll manage.
Psyga: Your funeral.
MYTHIC: The MHCP001 has selected her items. Musical Instrument (lute), Traveler’s Outfit, a meal to be had in the midst of the journey, Flint and Steel, and a lantern.
Psyga: THE FUCK!? Dude! Or Dudette! You’re supposed to get something to defend yourself with! You can’t march into the dragon’s lair with a fucking lute!
MYTHIC: The MHCP001 has based her character around the concept that she is a Saboteur, as Commando and Ravager are taken.
Psyga: The hell? When the hell did this turn into Final Fantasy XIII? No. You know what? Screw this. I’m done.
Psyga gets up. Haruto softly shakes his head as he tries to exit through the warehouse door. As he touched the knob though, he is shocked with a violent yet not lethal voltage. He snapped out of the shock and turned to MYTHIC. Suddenly, MYTHIC starts to speak in a high pitched, oddly familiar robotic voice.
MYTHIC: YOU WILL SIT AND PLAY! IF YOU DON’T O-BEY, YOU WILL FACE EX-TIR-MI-NA-TION!
Psyga: OH FOR PETE’S SAKE! I should have known you’re bad news! Damn it... I need to call Wataru!
MYTHIC: YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING! SIT AND PLAY. AT-TEMPTS TO BA-IL WILL RE-SULT IN EX-TIR-MI-NA-TION! ASK THE WIZ-ARD. HE WILL TELL YOU WHAT HAP-PENED TO HIS DRI-VER.
Psyga: Wait... He beat your ass? The HAL-Dalek lovechild kicked your ass?
Haruto: ... Yeah. It’s not a very fun story, alright? Look, this is just a small test. The sooner we’re finished, the sooner we get out of here.
Psyga: How the hell can I trust this guy? He has “I’m afraid I can’t let you do that, Dave” written all over him!
MYTHIC: Sorry... I tend to get wired up over these sorts of things. I shall calibrate my AI so as to not give you the misconception that I will be a Crapshoot and try to kill you all in the end. The fact still stands: The MHCP001 wishes to be a Saboteur.
Psyga: Fine. Complicated computer name can have her bloody class.
Suddenly, a computer beeped to life, as Psyga noticed an iMac springing to life, with the face of a normalized Graceella on it.
MHCP001: MYTHIC, I wish to speak for myself, seeing as we will be working together in this game.
MYTHIC: Very well. What do you wish to say?
MHCP001: I noticed that Psyga refused to call me by my production name, and I could assoiciate from his speech that it is because my name is nothing but letters and numbers. As such, I wish to be given a normal human name... Permission to do so?
[Odds: Very likely, Chaos Factor: 4. Roll... 37.]
MYTHIC: Granted. Generating human name.
Psyga: Oh god, if you come up with what I’m thinking...
MYTHIC: Name decided. You will be called Yui.
Psyga: GODDAMN IT!
MYTHIC: SCENE COMPLETE. One thread added. Chaos Factor reduced by one.
Psyga: How is that a scene? You know what? Never mind. I stopped caring.
And so
, with the plot established and our heroes gathering their items, will their players be able to play through the game without messing up? Will our heroes defeat the dreaded King Draco and save Maurice’s daughter? Find out next time on...
Psyga: Wait, never mind. Began to care now. How the hell did you manage to get Kyle Hebert to be the narrator?
Haruto: He comes with the song.
Threads Added
- Have dinner at some point
